Friend

Mieka No comment yet

Friend

Words such as best-friend, bestie, bff and friend have become very popular. In my opinion too popular. When ever I hear someone say any of these words I always wonder how true they are.
I had very few friends until college, maybe about three people at one time or another whom I would call a friend. It wasn't until college that I really knew what that word entitled. My sister recently had a lunch date with her 'friends' including her 'bff' and didn't go because of money. Money has never stopped my friends and I from going out and having a good time. If they don't have the cash than lunch is on me and vice versa. I have the type of friends who send me money (without me asking or even saying a word about it) because my cell is off. I have the type of friends who stay in the hospital with me all night regardless of work and class. My friends have driven 30min back to the dorm to come and get me after they've gotten off work and 30min back to the city because I needed to go to the store. They've let me drive their car to work everyday, when I didn't have my own. They cried as many tears as I did at  my at my brothers and uncles funerals. They have been there and are still there. Money, no money, broken down cars, no car, laughter, sadness, disagreements, death, and life...they are there.  Life happens sometimes (babies, husbands, work, school, family..and disagreements) and we don't talk for weeks and yet we still are devoted to our friendship.
I'm not sure if people know what friendship really is... an extension of your family most times even closer

friend...s

Mieka No comment yet

friend...s

I don't know how I got to this point ..
but I'm not sure if I even like you
know that I love you after all this friendship has been going on for years
but do I like you?
I hate how you lie by omitting things
and I hate that so much about you is in shadow
I hate how you think you're nice when in fact you're anything but
I hate how inconsiderate you are and how you never seem to be willing to simply offer to help
not sure when this happened but maybe it's always held true
maybe circumstances pushed us together
maybe it wasn't simply me and you
I hate that sometimes you seem so fake
so uncaring so not a friend
I hate that I still want to be there for you
make you smile when you're sad
be your support when you're in need
you know the way it always seem to be
me there for you ... you sometimes there for me
I hate that you're so in tuned with my life
and yet I'm standing on the outside of yours
don't know how much longer I can just be here
Cause see I'm not sure if I even like you anymore

Over it

Mieka 1 comment

Over it

ok bloggers not so mad at her today... still pissed about the b-day thing, but I realize that I should have said something. In fact there are a lot of times in my life when I should say something and stop being so afraid that those close to me will walk away... After all love is proved by actions and if they are there for me then I will know and theres no point in them even being apart of my life if they don't care. ... Another reason I'm letting go is b/c I do love my friend and I know she loves me. I don't think shes out to hurt me or anything like that. I just think that in a lot of ways her personality  is like mine. It takes a lot for my bestie to really talk to someone about the really important things and I know this... she is also very closed mouthed if anything more so then I am. She go though the same family drama I do (like most ppl) if not more and I think that when you come from that setting it makes it really hard to open up to someone and place your heart in their hands.
And like I said if I don't say anything how are you to know that your words or actions have hurt me?
I think that like me she keeps a lot of things close and since we're both like that it makes it really hard to be friends. But we have been doing it for years so something is going right.  I love her, shes there when I call and sometimes b4 I do, she makes me laugh though my tears...... shes my friend

PO'ed

Mieka No comment yet

PO'ed

I have been mad at my best-friend for ummm about two weeks now... a better word would be pissed.
Ok bloggers if you don't know by now I have my days and my ways... I can really be a witch well make that a capitol B ... but I'm also very considerate of other people feelings and if I'm down with you then if I got it and you need it then its yours. I always try to be the bestest friend that I can be especially since I did something really wack to a friend when I was 17...but that's for another blogg
Back to this one
Well people my b-day is on the 17th ...27 here I am...  but wait b4 I get to it...
My bestie and I have been friends for about 10 years now but it wasn't until college that we became really close.  She has been there for me though some very difficult times in my life: boyfriend issues, broken hearts, family problems, and most important it was her shoulder I cried on when I loss my brother and my uncle. So we have some major things behind us.
This is not the first time I have been pissed at her but since she sometimes tune in to the blogg this will be the first time she knows.
Birthdays have never been very big in my family, the only persons in my family who ever bought me a gift or have given my something for my day is the brother and uncle that I have lost... I so miss them bloggers. I started getting gifts from friends at about ....15 ..(thx E)... for the next few years the only person I got a gift from was one of my exs ... and hunni that didn't last long...  after that ended I didn't get a gift for years....until I met Isadora Moore... and for the past 6...7 years I have gotten a gifts from her. I think the bestie and I have been doing the gift thing for about  4....5 years. I love birthdays bloggers..problem no one else seems to lol.
Ok so why am I pissed?
bout 2weeks ago I asked my friend about my b-day..
"Hey C are we doing something for my day?" I asked
Her answer
"Well it'll have to be like a week later."
I was beyond pissed. I'm always down for her day. request off from work .. call in even.. (and no I'm no asking that she jeopardize her job) BUT we can't do something for my day til a week later ...*if then b/c she kinda paused and said it as if she couldn't do it.
My aunt likes to say I'm an introvert ...whatevers going on with me I keep to self.. and once I'm good then we can talk again.
To take a minute to be honest..I don't trust people with how I really feel about almost nothing, the people in my life either disregard it, don't listen or get angry...and yeah that's everybody.
Well bloggers maybe you're thinking its just this one time right?
Hell ...no it isn't... last year we did nothing at all she was "tired" she dropped off my gift and that was the end
Year before that it was the same, I went out with a dude I was dating..ummm before that we went to 'her' friends house and did shit..... you see how this is going...
I can't remember a time when we did what I wanted to do on my damn birthday  if ever. In fact very little that we do is what I want... and yet I'm the bossy one in this friendship...how that work...  lol
This is my fault I should be more assertive less close mouthed I know ... And I don't want nor need a pity party about this ish but I do need to write about it.
I love my friend but I'm beginning to question this .... she called me today we talked shortly ...I forgot I was mad with her and almost called her twice
  I don't know bloggers I'm feeling hurt right now not just by her but by some family too but especially by her. In my opinion a friend should be your safe place, closer to you then even family because yall made a choice to be friends .... right now I don't feel like that's her. Maybe shes pissed at me for something I don't know but this is ....

lost friend

Mieka 1 comment

lost friend

It seems that I have lost a friend. And not just any friend, but the person who taught me just what real friendship is. I met her my first year of college, close to seven years ago. We were both walking to class when she said hi and asked me what class I was going to. After a joke we were all set to be friends. She introduced me to her roommate and we became a threesome. Although I have never made friends easily I had a few from the past but none who were as close to me as she became in just a short amount of time.
The first really close friend that I had was a girl named Ericka we met in the seventh grade and were inseparable by the eighth grade. But like all friendships between girls at an to early age their was a boy...lol to be honest he was her boyfriend and stayed that way for two years. Once we got to high school everything began to change. Ericka's relationship ended and the friendship I had with her ex was stronger then ever in fact we became best friends. Somewhere along Ericka and I stopped being friends and for years the only best friend...friend... that I had was a guy. I met my current best friend, Candace, in the 11th grade but we didn't become really close until college.
I wish that I could fix all that has gone wrong between my lost friend and I but the more I try the more distant she seems to becomes. Recently I decided to just simply let it go b/c I can't force her to want to fix this...I can't make her be my friend. But I am sorry that I have lost someone that I very much love and who showed me what friendship is.

.....on friendship

Mieka No comment yet

.....on friendship

OK ... wore the dress ...loved the dress. I had a lot of fun this weekend with my girls we were missing a few people but there is nothing more fun then just sitting back with old friends dishing....and we did a lot of dishing. After having a few drinks we probably told a few more secrets then we intended. lol. But it doesn't really matter because it was US and we are the type of friends that can share things without being afraid of it coming back to bite us. There is nothing like GOOD girlfriends, and I am blessed to have some of the best. I haven't always had good friends but I am so happy that I now have them.

I didn't have a really good friend until I was about ten maybe eleven years old. We stayed friends for about three years and then kinda just lost contact, with all the changes different schools new friends, we just grew apart. Somewhere in the middle of that friendship I became friends with this other girl, Ericka who went to the same school as I did. I don't know what pushed us together...well I guess we were both kinda on the outside. We were both quite and we both talked to everyone and yet wasn't friends with anyone. We sorta just clicked. We were really close in fact she was my first best friend. About a year after our friendship started we met a guy. dum de dum dum ...dummm. :) I'm still not sure to this day if we would have remained friends even if it wasn't for Q. We were friends from seventh grade until tenth grade, and I say tenth very lightly. As time went by the very thing that had pushed us together was a big part of us growing apart. I pretty much have always been me, and what I mean by that is that I have always been kind of a loner, I like my space. And although I used to long to be liked I never was willing to do some of the things it sometimes took to be liked. So I was still that quit girl standing on the outside talkin to everyone but not really friends with anyone. This changed for Ericka. High school put her in the center of everything and well I was still just ...me. and happy that way.

Q ended up being her boyfriend for about two years (eighth and ninth grade) and he and I ended up as best friends. By the middle of tenth grade the friendship Ericka and I had once shared was over. Once again different schools, and new friends kinda just helped the split in our friendship...not to mention Q. At that point I was still lacking female friends and this just made Q and I grow closer. A year and a half later my best friend became my boyfriend... as you can guess there was no going back to a friendship with Ericka at that point. lol. For the record that is not something that I would ever do again I don't know we could blame youth or we can just look at it as something that... happened. Whatever it was Q ended up being my first love and my first heartbreak, but that's another story.

In the eleventh grade I met my current bestie and I am so very blessed that I did. Candace have been there for me though so many hard times in my life that I really don't know how I made it to sixteen without her. We have lost loved ones, been sick, cried until we laughed, and laughed until we cried. She is so what my life needed. Even if she do get on my first and last nerve sometimes , but hey isn't that what sisters do(which she has become).I loved college. There I met some of the best people ever and I am so happy to call those people friends. It wasn't easy for me at first being away from home and not knowing anyone in a new place but it didn't take long for that place to become a home for me. After all I truly believe that it's people that make a place a home and I met young ladies that I now consider my family. There was Isadora who was kind and yet didn't play any games and there was Tee (Tawanna)who I think is one of the nicest people that I have ever met. My second year Candace joined me and then together we met crazy but lovable Naica and Tee's sister (Tamara) Tampoo who is just like my own little sister. A semester later we added Deborah to our small group, a friend of Candaces' since birth and someone we both went to high school with. Not long after that Candace and I met Jasmine (Jazzie Jaye) who we also became clos with.I love my friends and consider them all apart of my family. We cry together (mostly me Candace and Tam) we fight (mostly me and Naica) and we laugh. They are my girls.

Although Candace and I have been friends the longest it was Tee and Dora who first taught me how to be a good friend I don't know what I would have done that first semester without them, no car hours from home and to be real very little money. They saved me from returning home that first year. They instently made me one of them without even really knowing me. I hope that I have done for someone else what they did for me that first year.Thank you so much Girls..

1st pic, Dora, 2nd, Tam & Tee, last, Naica, Deborah, Candace, Jazz