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Ruben Studdard - (I'm Single)



Really feeeling this new Ruben.
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"Girl when you gon' have some babies"

I HATE this question bloggers. I H-A-T-E it... and quit frankly I don't understand it. I'm 28 trrue, BUT I'm also UNMARRIED, still in school:( and I work. Please tell me when  I have the time to properly care for a child... not to mention that I'm broke. When people used to ask me this question (family, friends, ppl from school, strangers that I have never met EVER) I used to say 'When I get married.' Was this ever the wrong response. People quickly become offended when I say this....since most of them are single parents. They seem to feel like I am saying 'oooh you're bad' OR they think (most of the time) that I'm saying "I am so MUCH better than you." I don't feel this way at all, BUT try telling an offended person what YOUR statement means. So now I simply say one day or make a little joke, but this is my blog so I feel very free to say what I want... and what I want to say is 'STOP ASKING ME THAT CRAZY QUESTION!!' With no man in site that I am willing to commit my life to, WHY would I have a child. And in this you don't have to be married because he's always there either in memory or in presents because YOU have a child with him. I just really don't get it. A study done on people with children showed that over 50% of parents actually REGRET having their children. I'm sure that there are many reasons for this high number, maybe money and age that they conceived, but the study still shows that there are too many ppl just having kids without knowing what it will take to rise them. I don't want that to me and I DON'T want to be a single mother. I want the whole package. Now that doesn't mean that I think less of single moms/dads, my bestie is a single mom and I think she is super at it. She works full time, goes to school full time, pays for super high daycare and is a awesome parent to her daughter. I respect her. BUT being a single parent is not something I think you should TRY to become. I want it all for my babies ...if at all possible.
Studies also prove that children don't make people happier in fact many people become Less happy and that children with fathers are smarter, more successful, and have a better chance of building healthy relationships in their lifetime.
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Seven

The world goes on,
but I  will always remember,
and as days turn into weeks
and weeks into months that become years,
the pain of losing you still feels like yesterday. 



Year seven and my tears are still falling
my heart is still hurting
and I still miss you
thought about your laugh
and your smile today about your voice
                                                      and your gentle way


...missing you more than yesterday and yet missing you everyday the same.

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Spring Fever

I have never been man crazy, never felt like I needed a man to survive or to be happy but there are many people around me who feel this way. In the last 2 weeks I have had to listen to more 'I need a man' whining and heard more 'don't worry sweetheart you'll find him' said to me in almost two years. And really bloggers it is EVERYWHERE! My friends want a man and all the ones who have one think that they should help me 'find' one as if men are lost. And if one more member of my family remind me that I've been single for a WHILE by saying 'Why don't you call ------ and go out... Or '------ was a good man, nothings wrong with him' I'm going to start to scream. Why is it that people HATE to see someone else single. Even friends in unhappy marriages, or bad relationships seem to think that being single is a curse, I realize that 28 is not 21 but neither is it 51. I still have time to meet a man whom I can love and have 2.5 kids with. I really need a vacay away from the Spring Fever that is about to start..... before it hits me too.
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Whitney Houston - You Give Good Love



My all time Favorite. Whitney Houston's 1st Single 'You Give Good Love'.   Gone at 48.
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"you don't even have a man!"

So yes I am the one who called him but right now I'm asking myself WHY?
well ok  I know why... My sister and I got into an argument about her boyfriend whom I have some issues with but I won't air out her laundry (as dirty...or as clean as it may be) and she basically told me to mind my own business and besides "You", meaning me "don't even have a man." This statement reminded me that there was an ex that I've intended to call for the last week or so. So I called with the intention of maybe setting up a hang out, chill out date and what do you know brother man is just as obnoxious as he was when we dated. How could I have forgotten his 'I'm always right and I know everything' manner. I am so kicking myself right now bloggers for letting my sisters comment make me feel like I 'needed' a relationship or a 'man' for even a second. I really do want a relationship BUT I want a healthy, secure, loving one. Just anything is not good enough for me and it shouldn't be good enough for anyone. *A piece of man is NOT better then no man. ...
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Goal 4


This year bloggers I want to be more.... me. I want to be more nice, more confident, more happy, more healthy, a better friend, aunt, grand-daughter, niece, cousin, girlfriend, daughter. I want to be more to the people who matter most. I also want to be more of a lady, more organized, and more prepared for the future. I want to be a better student, a better listener..... A better ME. I want to smile more, laugh more, enjoy each moment more. The month is almost over and I wanted to make sure that I had all my goals down so that I could start achieving them.  Goal 4 ... Is simply to be MORE.
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Goal 3


It's crazy how sometimes you get stuck. Stuck in the same hairstyle, hometown, style of dress. I'm stuck bloggers, but not in any of those ways. I'm stuck waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I almost feel like it's right around the corner, which makes it really hard to just let go, move forward, and be happy. I've been extra stressed lately. I worry about everything and everyone. Let me tell you, doing this gets old fast. A few years ago I lost some very important people in my life and after some reckless behavior to cover the pain I decided that having them in my life for even just a second was better then never knowing them. It took awhile for me to realize that but I did. .. and I learned to be happy even though sadness had touched my life and changed it forever. I say all that because even with something that huge happening I was able to learn that some days I would cry and feel sad about the loss but I also learned to just be happy in the moment. Right now I'm finding it hard to simply be happy in today. 2012 Goal 3 Be grateful for the moments, explore... everything, and live life to the fullest.
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Goal 2


Do you ever look back on your romantic past and wish that you could have loved someone bloggers? I sometimes think of all my past relationships and wish that 'He' would have been that one that I was willing to settle with. There is no doubt that I can look back and wish that I had been wanted more loved more by at least one of my exs. I'm pretty sure that most women can do that, after all, many of us have at least one heart break in the past. I don't believe in the whole love at first sight thing. I just think that's stupid. Nor do I think that there is just one person out there somewhere for each of us. What I do believe is that each of us has to find someone who works for us and our life. I sometimes look back and wonder if I have already found that and just didn't know it.
Anyway bloggers Goal 2 this year is to be more open to the possibilities.
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2012 Goal 1. Getting My Happy Back



So bloggers I haven't been my normally happy self lately. I don't know why or even when it happened I just know that right now I'm not .... me. I'm not sad or depressed or anything like that .... just not happy. I think a lot of it has to do with just being in a rut. I almost never go out lately and when I do it's with co workers or other people who I can't really just be myself around, (I miss my girls). Right now I wake up everyday go to work, go to class, and then it's home to bed. By the time the weekend roll around... which I mostly work on.... I just want to relax with a book ... in silence. no words no sound... just me and a novel. GOSH when did I become so freakin Lame.
Goal 1. this year is to get my happy back, smile more (and mean it) laugh more, and get rid of this lameness.