Mieka 6 comments

pms


Feeling crazy insecure today which means I'm damn lucky that I got these micros in... otherwise my hair would turn out to be some crazy color by the end of the day.. or I would be saying good-bye to natural and hello to a perm and a cute lil cut and still even than, some color. .. Pms is  bad for my hair.
I promise yall my jr. and sr. year of high school my hair color changed bout every week.. I even did this  crazy awful orange color right after high school that I didn't let anyone see but my grandmother..omg it was so ugly!  luckily I still had hair, unfortunately not even a year after that I went blond and this time the hair did come out. I remember standing in my bathroom mirror running a comb through my hair with tears running down my face b/c my hair was just falling out. After that you would think that I would leave the color alone but a year ago I let my best friend take me to pink.
 I'm on the last legs of my period and the last day is always my cry day... but this has been a crazy few months for me.  I'm just in that mood. Maybe I'll go get my nails done, maybe fire engine red or sunny yellow or even better a ray of colours. ummm I don't know but I so don't need any clothes right now (or can afford to buy them 4real with Christmas so close and a nephew I like to buy for). I normally do something really crazy to my hair but since these $200 micros are only a few weeks old..thats out..thank GOD! * :) .... ... Pms is really bad for my hair..somethimes cute... but still bad
insecure- not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious
Mieka 1 comment

.

I refuse to love you... I don't want to love you.....
I ..think I.. I. love you
Mieka No comment yet

...

my heart pounds..the beats so loud I'm almost sure they can hear
my mind is filled to overflowing with ...everything
my eyes are closed.. hoping that I can shut out the reality of whats being said
hoping that when I open them today will be yesterday and that tomorrow never comes
and although I'm not at my end ever moment spent with you flash across my closed eyelids
every moment spent without you
this is not real... it can't be real when I open my eyes it will all be fine
you'll be here laughing talking about something random the way you do
* 1.... 2....3.. I'm going to open my eyes now
none of this ever happened... just like one of the books I read
their will be a happy ending for me
they're still here..why are they still hear
saying the same thing... why are their words the same
I can't breath, their is no air...panting for air.. I scream
none of this they hear none of this they see
I stand there calm tears slowly falling down my face
but in my head I've lost it
I just had a mental break down and where
roses used to be red they are now black and
the sky is now gray the sun blocked
life just changed for me..
Forever
Mieka No comment yet

Day...ummmm lol

ok so I have so not been bloging everyday ... I could say I have just gotten cought up with school but the truth of the mtter is that I have had very little to say... and the topics I missed... well they were no big deal
 SO day 17..18 19..20? Why do you blog?
I blog because... writing is what I do. I don't always spell correctly or use periods but still.... writing is what I do. I write what I can't say .. what I can't express any other way. I don't write blogs because I need people to read. No, I write them because I need to write.
Mieka No comment yet

...

I hate words that mean nothing so instead of talking to you I'll be silent that way I won't have to hear the lies you'll tell.
Mieka No comment yet

Day...16? Question

I believe that if you want something bad enough than you go get it, or you do it. I have always believed that. The problem is .. where does the motivation come from. When you're in a dark, deep hole and the walls are closing in, and you know what you NEED to do... how to you push yourself to do it?

I know this question sounds like I'm in a bad place right now but I'm not, and that's why I can ask this question. I just simply want to understand how some people can keep fighting even when the world has knocked them down repeatedly and some people just stop at the first sign of trouble.
Mieka 2 comments

Solange Knowles

Ok .. I got this picture from facebook. Miss Jessie's, which is a brand of natural hair care products put it up.
So far it has gotten quite a few comments and so far the people say they love this picture, it's so pretty, she looks wonderful in it..they say. Bloggers .. REALLY! I hate this picture. I think that Solange is a pretty girl but this picture is so NOT. I don't like her hair, makeup, or outfit. I'm all for natural hair, after all I have it myself, but just because you're natural does not mean you always look pretty. As I have written before I think natural people are just a tad bit crazy... permed, straight, natural, whatever! its just hair people and it's ok to say when it's not cute. ..As I said it's not just the hair thats a problem for me in this pic in fact that is the least not cute thing. But come on yall do you think Solange looks her best in this photo or even pretty in this picture? Be honest.... *just sayin'

Now this is an older picture of her,right after the BC. This picture is beautiful.
Mieka 1 comment

Day 15

Ok I have so left the whole 30 day thing behind lol.. I will be getting back to it but the whole point of it was to blog everyday, which I have been doing ...for the most part.

So there is this guy that I'm kinda into... and this has been going on for a while... but I'm just not to sure about him. The dude is a cutie, very attractive, but I'm just not sure about...well him. I know him and yet I know nothing about him..if that makes sense. I know that hes into me but I'm just not sure if it's the way I want him to be... Yall please excuse my elementary 'does he like me' emotions right now :) but this is so where I'm at... what to do, what to do?? I had his number but I now have another cell and gave my old one to my nephew to play with .. so it's gone. I would so call him tomorrow but umm... yeah
I saw him tonight yall and I didn't even speak .. I'm just super crazy I know... Thursday I'ma be super cute and I hope I see him.... again excuse the 13 year old infatuation on my 27 year old self lol
Same book different page... me and the 'bestie' still not talking which means who do I tell about the dude lol.. its been almost a month ... crazy I know.. Whats really crazy is that she has no idea why I was so upset and other than the fact that shes stubborn, I have no idea what her issue is.. the situation is kinda funny and more than a little sad...but oh well bloggers life goes on...
Mieka 1 comment

Day...whatever



Day 14- A picture
A few years ago I decided to not have sex anymore until I met this..Mr. Wonderful. Now to be completely honest with you all this decision had nothing to do with religion. I do believe that premarital sex is a sin and all but my decision ..sad to say was not made because of that. I made the decision because it just wasn't worth it anymore. Yeah I know how that sounds but I'm not against sex .. I love sex really I do, but what I don't love is the idea of sharing myself with someone who doesn't matter. I have never been the 'slut of the neighborhood' type of girl. I didn't loose my virginity until I was eighteen and even than I had this fairy tale in my head of happily ever after.. that idea went out the window however around the time that he told me he was married. After that ..long, dreadful, mishap, I did the whole sex for the sake of sex college thing.. that didn't last long nor was it all that grand a time .. and again even than I wasn't the 'slut of the campus'. The guy I decided on.. having fun with.. was four years younger than me .. 18 to my 22.. and although it was...ummmm lol and he was beautiful to look at... it was just not something that I could then or now see for myself. I just can't see the point of being intimate with someone when you know there will be nothing more then that. What is the point of that? There is 24 hours in a day and15-30 minutes of sex.. (an hour or 2 max.. because lets get real joking about all night, all day sex is fun and all but Come On!...) is not enough to base a relationship on. Another reason I decided to not have sex for just the sake of sex is because I realize that I could never be happy with just that. I need phone calls and dates, conversations and laughs... I need the relationship. Not just any relationship but one that I think could last. There is just no way I see myself having sex with a dude that I can't even see in my tomorrows.. to me thats stupid.  Lets not even get on the health risks that are involved with just random sex... I like life.. I enjoy pain free, medicine free days... Anyway all this was said to simply say... I so miss sex..lol yeah I know what I just typed and that still stands. I'm not about to go trolling for booty lol but I .. so...miss ...sex...
Mieka 1 comment

Day 13

Secret Desires







More then anything else this world has to offer, I want a family. Not just any kind of family but a good family, and I want to be the best at having that. I want to be a wife and a mother. I want a husband who makes me smile and forget my worries. A man who's strong and loving.. and honest. Someone whom I can laugh with, talk with. I tend to be very hard on guys but that's only because I know what kind of man I want and it has become to easy to point out the 'not hims' and far to hard to find the One. But to be honest with you I'm not all that much in a rush to get married, I know more unhappy married people then I do happy married people and being unhappy is unacceptable for me. Two happy minuets shared with the right man is wroth more then fifty unhappy years spent with the wrong one. Before I go on with this I want you to know that I don't think that marriage is just good times and laughs.. I know that it takes work that's why I'm not in a rush. There are so many people getting married just to say 'I'm married' ... that won't be me. I want to be happy. I want a man who is able to make a commitment and who is ready to handle all my craziness. At 27 with everyone around me getting married I'm thinking about marriage more then ever but its not over powering my thoughts. I do believe that it will happen one day when its right.
You know what I want even more than a husband? I want kids. I want sons who look like their father and beautiful daughters with big eyes. I think I have always wanted to be a mother, even before I knew what it took to be one. I just don't think there could be anything better than having this little person who is so much like you and yet so different in every way love you more than anything. I don't think it's easy in fact I think it's the hardest thing in the world to do, but I also think the title of mother is more important and more valuable than any other title you could possibly have.
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)