Mieka 1 comment

And another one bites the dust


I know I just did a single blog but I got to go back there.
I received a text over the weekend from one of my last single girlfriends... She's getting FREAKIN married! Her guy proposed to her this weekend. Know how you're really happy for someone else but get really sad for yourself? Well that was me the moment I read that text. Now people don't get it twisted I loved my friend, I want whats best for her and I know how much she wants this. So I was more than a little happy for her but I almost started crying for me. It's really hard being one of the only non-married girls (in ya group) left when you been dreaming of a wedding, love, babies, and all the rest all your life. I think one of the reasons that being single is so hard for me right now is because 2 years ago ... shoot even 1 year ago I was doing the serial dating thang. I was dating at least 4 dudes back than, but right now I'm not dating anyone and quite frankly I'm so sick of all the BS that dudes sometimes let fall from their lips. I have 2 very big issues when it comes to finding a mate and dating. 1. I find that I'm just not the into the guy. I don't like his personality, his life choices, and simply don't want to be in his presence for long periods of time much less all my freakin life. 2. They want the cookie. Sorry not gon happen (even thought I Really...REALLY miss sex) I decides a while ago that I was done with giving my all to a dude who just wasn't worth it ,,, besides at this point I would hate to have waited years for some pointless BAD sex... I may just stab the dude lol... no really.
So after hearing this I was at the point of going to get me a drink .. well a couple (which I don't do anymore... not since my early 20's) when I just had to shake myself. OK I'm not freakin married SO what. At 27 I like who I am. I know who I am, what I want, and what I deserve. For a while I was wondering if maybe I had made some bad decisions where relationships are concerned, but I believe that right now I am where I need to be and if that is single then oh well .. Now, know that I still want this oh so grand man but I realize that either I have not met him yet or the guys I know have yet to become the man I need them to be in order to be my forever (or I have yet to become his forever). So right not I have pulled myself back (again) and I'm ok... It has to be better to wait for Mr. Right who will make me happy...angry...sad... fuss.. laugh .. but mostly happy (I'm not delusional) than it is to settle for Mr. right now who will make me sad...cry, laugh, happy for a while, but mostly Sad and Disappointed.



Mieka 4 comments

Still


It's been a while since I worte a Fat blog... Well I'm still fat lol... and pretty. When I was growing up my grandma used to say..not simply to me but she just used to say "You can eat yourself ugly" I am a firm believer in this. Have you ever seen an ok looking fat person and thought to yourself 'She/He would be so pretty/handsome if he/she lost some weight?' Well I have. I haven't reached what I call fat/ugly but I do believe that I would be much prettier if I was smaller... In fact I know that I would. This summer I lost 60lbs, when I go back and look at those pictures I realize that what my grandma used to say is true you really can eat yourself out of good looks. So how am I? Fat and pretty BUT not as pretty as I could be.
Mieka No comment yet

Soul Fest 2011 - New Orleans




"everyone dies but not everone lives" Drake
Mieka No comment yet

Single


Ok bloggers every once in a while I have to pull myself back. I was just talking to an old friend of mine, we dated for a short time about four years ago. Every few months I call him and talk a lil crazy... you know "So when we going get together" just joking. Well we didn't work out four years ago because I ended things. I just didn't think we would make it long term. I thought we were better friends and since sex wasn't apart of our relationship it was easy to make the friend transition. Every so often I ask myself if I made the right decision. After all 30 is getting closer everyday and I'm still not married and holding babies. It can be kinda scary when everyone around you is tying the knot and getting pregnant and you're not. Well this guy and I chatted for a while and we talked about his girlfriend (just what they did for her b-day), and I had to stop myself from flirting. Crazy I know, the dude is with someone! (No single female friends for my man) I know that he and I make better friends, but this single thing ALMOST had me tripping. Luckily I caught myself. I'm not that scandalous.
I don't think I have one single girlfriend right now. The closest thing I have to single girlfriends are 2 friends who are both in relationships; one is living with her boyfriend (I hate the word boyfriend, I just don't think it should be used after a certain age) and the other  has been in an off again on again relationship for years. So it's just me bloggers. Dating guys that I find lacking, being approached by losers, and SINGLE. The only good thing about being single is knowing that I haven't made a mistake by tying myself to someone I can no longer stand to be around. ...But to be honest this single thing is starting to get old.
Mieka No comment yet

Hair Growth



I have been natural for 6 months now. Natural Hair is defined as, unprocessed hair that has not been chemically altered in texture or color. This journey has been very hard for me because being natural is not as simple as getting a perm. When I first did this I was just thinking that I wouldn't get a perm and that would be it. Bam! I'm Natural.  It wasn't that simple.In the 6 months that I have been natural I have spent more money on my hair than I did in more than a year of having  permed hair. Finding the right products for natural hair is much harder than finding ones for natural hair. I thought I could just keep doing my hair the same way as before, well that quickly went out the window. I won't say that I feel so 'free' now that I'm not permed nor will I claim that I won't one day..maybe in a year or so get permed again. This was not a way for me to find my 'blackness' lol. It's was just a different look for me. 
I love when I'm wearing a wig or sew-in and tell people I'm natural. They always look at my skin color and assume that I have this nice curly hair lol. It's thick, not curly, and can get very dry.
This is days after my cut






2 months give or take



3months -I think




5mo going on 6months




Mieka 1 comment

5am tears

my brothers and I

...know how you try to put something out of your mind...just so you can make it through the next day? How you try to forget to hurt or cry so that you won't have to? I've been doing that all week.... only it's not working and right now at 5am the hurt has caught up to me and the tears that have been lying in wait are starting to fall. Tomorrow will make six years since my brother passed and ..... and right this second I can no longer hide behind... school or friends. Right now the reality of my loss is staring me right in the face and I can't seem to close my eyes to the fact that six years ago I lost someone wonderful, someone that the grown up me was just beginning to know and understand. So here I am, sad, depressed and typing b/c I haven't been able to face whats happening to my emotions right now much less discuss it.
There are few regrets that I have when it comes to my brother, He loved me..I know that and I loved him and he was aware of my love. The last time we talked in fact we said those words. I'm so happy that it worked out that way. What I do regret is that I didn't understand sooner how hard his life was... that I wasn't grown up enough at 16 or even 19 to know how much he had to bear. My brother developed kidney disease at 8 years old and his life was full of hospital visits and doctors and needles and..... and yet he still laughed... he still enjoyed every minute that he was given. I don't want you to think that I am making him out to be an angle...he wasn't... that boy had a temper on him :) but he was also sweet and kind and so very giving.  I just hate that he left when we were starting to build .. something more. Hate that I lost him when I had just gotten to an age where I was mature enough to understand what he faced.. The constant uncertainties that life offers.... The very first memory that I have of life is of my brother... I was about 3.. maybe.. which would mean he was 7 and he was giving me chips... ..... He was my brother bloggers the first person in my family to give me a birthday gift ... the reason I know and understand how important the words I love you can be... And right now at 5am he's the reason for the tears that are falling down my face and the longing I feel... I miss his laugh.. his voice and yes even that terrible temper.
Mieka No comment yet

Happy Day mommy

It's my grandma b-day!! My grandmother has always been the most important person in my life. She raised me and my brothers and sister. She has always been there no matter how many times we have messed up... and let me tell you bloggers ...we have messed up, some more than others. Her love has always been strong and her arms are always open.  My grandmother is one of the reasons I have so much faith and so much hope, she put those feelings in my heart from a very early age. She taught me that even when the world has treated you bad and friends have turned their  back ..YOU can still stand up be strong and walk forward. The first time I went to college I thought it was time to party unfortunately I didn't do much real class work. When my grades dropped and I lost my grants, my grandmother looked at me told me to stop crying "I'll give you the money...Go back. Everybody make mistakes Mieka, you just don't keep making them."
Happy-Day to the strongest, most loving, giving person I know
Mieka No comment yet

Happy Valentine's Day•*´¨`*•♥

I guess for some Valentine's Day can be depressing, but I have always been fond of this day... call it my romantic nature. I haven't spent every V-day in love or even in a relationship but I have never really been sad on a V-day.  Happy Valentine's Day Bloggers. If you are single then do something for yourself, Fix your hair, nails,... go out and have a drink and if you have a really good friend call her/him up and have a laugh filled fun day.... after work that is  (◑‿◐)
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”•*´¨`*•♥

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...by the way how do you like the new do? I kinda looooove it....
Mieka 1 comment

Hopeless Romantic



I chatted with a good friend over the weekend. We talked about relationships and love and I asked her if maybe I was waiting on this hero out of a romance novel.. she said "umm I think so!" lol But she also admitted to me that she wants all the things that I do. We agreed that we are both hopeless romantics. The problem with being a hopeless romantic is that their doesn't seem to be this grand upstanding, strong guy out there waiting just for you to walk into his life. So in the mean time, what bloggers? Do I date a few less than Mr. Right dudes... ? Well that's what I have been doing and let me tell you I just don't see the point of it all. And no I'm not saying that their are no good men out there, I just seem to have a hard time finding a good man that I can fall for. I know some good guys... have even dated a few in the past few years but it just didn't work for me. As I said in a previous blog I just want someone who I can ... I don't know yall .. forget time with.. laugh for hours with, talk to for days. The problem is that I have yet to meet a guy who I want to .. or can see myself being with forever. Crazy but soooo true.  Maybe I'm scared that I'm going to fall for one of these less than novel heroes and one day my Mr. Right off the cover of a romance will walk up and it'll be to late..ummmmm No!! lol... I just haven't met that guy who takes my breath away, and makes me smile for no reason at all.... Haven't met a man whose a hopeless romantic.



** by the way if you haven't read a Beverly Jenkins book check her out...try Vivid first! lovher
Mieka No comment yet

Quote of the day


"I'm convinced that we black women possess a special indestructible strength that allows us to not only get down, but to get up, to get through, and get over." Janet Jackson
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