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Single



This single shit is real and getting real old

See this wasn’t the plan for 32 almost 33

But plans have a tendency to go to hell

Love aint what they said it would be

Disney don’t tell little girls that you can give ya all and still not be enough

Fairytales don’t tell tales of niggas and their tall tales

Lying when the truth will do just fine

Time don’t heal broken hearts never completely

And my shit has cracks and dents and holes

But ….. I’m still over this single shit
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Still Me! 3/10/15


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UpDate -5/9/14



Has it really been over a year.. two, since I wrote anything here? Gosh!! Sooo hello blog.. I'm still me. Still fat in fact more fat but whatever. I know that I need to make major life changes to change that. I'm almost not single. yeah blog world almost. I have been dating someone for the past month and a half and I am crazy feeling him. He's nice. He makes me laugh, and we talk for hours. I like being in his company. So what's the issue? well ummmm lol. He's 22... I'm 30. I'm at a point where I'm kinda ok with it, he being 8 years younger but it takes some getting used to and I'm sure we will face a bit of opposition from family. We shall see where this leads bolggers.


fast forward .... He was SUPER CRAZY lololololol

 
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C.F.H.

I don't remember anyone telling me that life would hurt this bad
 sure they said it wasn't fair but no one ever mentioned this pain
Life without you is more than hard
some days it's unbearable
I no longer know what it feels like to not miss you
to  not wake up or go to sleep without thinking about you.
 I no longer know how to get through a week without crying ...
tears falling one after another
like rain drops
sometimes too  fast sometimes slow.

the change in weather tells me that seasons have changed
but the pain in my soul has been the same everyday
     since you left
 it has been beyond hard without you.

There seems to be  no one who understands
even though I know others loved you.
 I don't want to pretend like everything is ok
 or like you are only on a short trip.
 I want to cry, 
 yell out
 hit something
until they understand that something is wrong.
You didn't just take a drive
 you wont be walking back in the doorway.

 why cant they understand
it hurts when I talk about you
 but it will kill me if I can't share my memories of you.
 Years haven't changed how much I miss you....

It's fall again
 leaves are changing,
 cool air is replacing the heat.
 I miss you most this time of year.
 I cry more
 sleep less
 your face fills my dreams
your laugh seems to float on the wind...
and I don't mind because my biggest fear
 is that I'll wake up and not remember your face
 that I'll forget your laugh
or the roughness of your hands.
 and I want to remember.
 I want to close my eyes and be able to see your smile.

 the hard part of remembering you are the regrets...
all the things you didn't see
all the things you won't see
I...
miss you
Mieka No comment yet

... 11/20/12

 

 
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SEX ... 10/24/12




I miss sex bloggers, I really do. I miss touching a man's body and having him touch mine, and boy do I miss the kissing of.... well lets just say kissing lol. I don't want to go to far with this post. I miss having nice strong arms wrapped around me and the talking after the sex. In case you haven't caught on it has been a really long time since I had sex, in fact it has been years. Recently I had a conversation about sex with a guy and I almost found myself seriously thinking about the possibility of having sex again... and than I realized all the reasons I haven't had sex in years. I want more than just sex with someone whom I don't love. I want more than a fly by sexual encounter. I want more than just a sexual relationship. .. I deserve more. Whenever I tell a guy that I'm not sexually active they take it as a kind of dare, a challenge. They always think that they're going to be able to convince me to have sex. The one to 'get' it... wrong. There is no way that I'm going to allow myself to get involved with someone who only wants sex, someone who is not willing to simply get to know who I am. I don't want a relationship that's based on the physical. I want a relationship that is based on the heart.  All that being said bloggers I still really miss sex.
Mieka No comment yet

C.F.H. 10/23/06



I laughed today
thought about you and felt joy in my heart
got up early watched the sun rise
walked on the dew wet grass and picked a flower all while thinking of you

I remember the roughness of you hand
the loudness of your laugh
I remember you

cried tonight for you
it's amazing how nothing else hurts as much as the loss of you
how even as months turn into years I still miss you everyday just the same
and no matter how many tears fall there are still more yet to fall

I remember the sparkle in your eyes
the rumble of your voice
I... often think of you.
 
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Get Cute Monday













 
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Single girl...

As I have said before bloggers dating is hard. I'm dating right now, not any 1 special guy in fact not 1 guy at all... more like more than one. I'm not cheating or anything I'm simply dating. If one of them becomes more than simply a date than maybe I'll just date 1. A few months back I started to feel ... too single. I really just felt like I wasn't putting myself out there enough... and to be frank I started to simply miss hanging out with guys. So here I am bloggers dating. The hard thing with dating for me is that I simply don't believe the lines. I don't even want to hear them. I always simply want to go from the early morning text  "GM Beautiful" and the before bed time text of 'GN Sweetie' to the real conversations, the dreams, and life, and ... everything. The problem is that it seems that you have to go through the motions to get there. Another problem for me is the lies. I can't stand guys who won't stop saying things that aren't true. I tend to be really honest with men I just don't understand why they can't do the same for me... Anyway it's late... work tomorrow...date tomorrow, and than a drink with the girls.... hope he doesn't turn out to be psycho..but with my luck with men......
Mieka No comment yet

Blessed



I'm 29 smarter than many, beautiful in my spirit, and kind in my soul. Am I the most intelligent? No. The sweetest? No.  Am I always right? .... NO. But who I am is someone who knows what I want, what I need, and what I deserve, and I am smart enough to know when those things aren't the same thing. At 20 there was alot that I was willing to accept from people.... At 25 a little less... and now both those times in my life are worlds away. I would rather be single than to be with someone who doesn't deserve ME. ... for everything that I am... fun, lame, crazy, mean, insecure, nice, selfish, honest, faithful, confident, selfless... ME. You NEVER have to like me but this is me, and I'm ok with that. I have overcome so many hurt feelings, so much self doubt that I am not at all willing to let any but the best in my life. Everyone else in the world should feel the same way. YOU are too good for drama, and too much for nonsense. YOU are a better person than to allow people who aren't good for you in your life!

I have been running into people who have made me rethink my past, my future and my present. I ran into an old friend who I'm not friends with anymore, a ex-boyfriend who at one time was a good friend and an old co-worker who is doing really well now and it just made me think bloggers...(I also had a run in with a crazy) about my life and me. Anyway ... Smile Still Bright.... Lets start this day again... the right way "Thank you God ... for EVERYTHING"
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