Mieka No comment yet

...


I can't breathe when you're here
I loose my breath when you come around ...panting and unable to use words correctly because all that I want to say to you gets lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth I see only black when I see you because the anger that caused me to see red has gone so deep that I only see a dark void where you stood empty of feelings and emotions you make me sick my stomach begins to hurt at the mention of ya name my head begins to bang and my okay or happy day turns into one filled with pain... and yet I would never want to hurt you. see when I look at you I still see that little girl you used to be. So full of hope and laughter, so full of love ... and I miss that want that back not just for me but for you ... for these new lives that you have brought into the world.
I remember you before him... before you turned into her, before when your heart was filled with more than this one nothing ass....male. What happened to you? When did you become this insecure woman who needs a man to define you? when did simply being you stop being enough.
I hate the way I feel when I'm near you. I hate how you put my emotions in a spin of love,hate and indifference. I don't know what to say to you anymore because your thoughts are no loner just yours they are his. His favorite color is now yours, his habits are yours... his disloyalty is yours. I no longer believe in your promises... or your ability to care for anyone but him you have become her and just like her everything else and everyone else comes 3rd to his needs. I can't talk when you're near the tears that I refuse to let fall clog up my throat. The sadness of knowing that you will never change takes my voice.
Mieka No comment yet

Friend


Words such as best-friend, bestie, bff and friend have become very popular. In my opinion too popular. When ever I hear someone say any of these words I always wonder how true they are.
I had very few friends until college, maybe about three people at one time or another whom I would call a friend. It wasn't until college that I really knew what that word entitled. My sister recently had a lunch date with her 'friends' including her 'bff' and didn't go because of money. Money has never stopped my friends and I from going out and having a good time. If they don't have the cash than lunch is on me and vice versa. I have the type of friends who send me money (without me asking or even saying a word about it) because my cell is off. I have the type of friends who stay in the hospital with me all night regardless of work and class. My friends have driven 30min back to the dorm to come and get me after they've gotten off work and 30min back to the city because I needed to go to the store. They've let me drive their car to work everyday, when I didn't have my own. They cried as many tears as I did at  my at my brothers and uncles funerals. They have been there and are still there. Money, no money, broken down cars, no car, laughter, sadness, disagreements, death, and life...they are there.  Life happens sometimes (babies, husbands, work, school, family..and disagreements) and we don't talk for weeks and yet we still are devoted to our friendship.
I'm not sure if people know what friendship really is... an extension of your family most times even closer
Mieka 2 comments

Love Scale




Is it possible to be on equal footing in a relationship bloggers? A long time ago my older cousin told me it was better to be in a relationship with someone who loved you more than you loved them rather than the other way around. Is there no in between? Can we both not be equally in love? In my first experience with love I gave my all, my whole heart was laid bare, unfortunately I loved him more than he loved me. In every relationship since than I have been the one holding all the cards. Since the age of 23 I have always made sure that they loved me, wanted me, desired me far more than I did them. ... But none of those relationships worked. I always felt as if something was missing, and it was. My devotion to the relationship. I don't want a relationship that's one sided I want the whole freaking pie. So is it possible bloggers? Can two people be in a relationship where they are both giving 110% of emotion? Where they are both so into each other that the outside world disappear? Do balanced, equal, relationships exist?
Mieka 4 comments

Worst Hair Style EVER

...
The Cheap Lace front Wig... Please stop wearing it people I have yet to see anyone look cute with a cheap lace front wig on. As a matter of fact I have only seen two people wear $100+ lace-fronts and look cute. Put them down black women ... really stop.



If it don't look like this around the hair line...just don't. There is no need for ya hair line to be looking tight and pasted
Mieka 1 comment

once again

So I'm trying to get this Fat thing under control once again. In the morning I'm back to walking and hitting the track. I have invited my friend's cousin to tag along with me, she's a few years younger than me but around the same size as I am. Even though I'm taking her along I'm not going to worry about weather or not she wants to continue this with me, after all I need to get healthy for me. So it starts again. I started this last year around this same time and was really doing well until I got sick (appendix). I really want this but its so hard. My weight loss  inspiration is an old friend of mine... she is doing it and doing it well ... she has a blog check her out http://www.shapelylouise.com/  really nice blog.  By the way I'm thinking about vlogging ..ummmm not sure yet but if I start the youtube thing I will be posting here as well.
Mieka 2 comments

Beyonce

So I just heard the latest single by Beyonce... and I don't know about you but Beyonce (music) always makes me feel like I need to bring the sexy out. Show the world Ms Mieka lol.. Yeah I have different names for different parts of my personality. See Ms. Mieka is something serious and... well I won't get into it ..lets just say shes a lil hard to handle but ready to be handled lol. But anyway Beyonce makes me want to get on the track and walk so that I can get into some sexy super cute jeans and a pair of heels... Now I'm not sure I mentioned this but I'm 6'1..yeah I'm up there. A few years ago I stopped wearing heels because it makes it harder for me to find a mate but Beyonce (music) always makes me feel like saying freak that, dudes just got to get with it ...



Mieka No comment yet

Really Dude? Really

So I'm at work and this man walks up to me 'Hey there' he says .... 'Hello sir' I reply in my I'm at work voice, 'Do you need help with something?' He looks at me and say ' ummm I see you don't have a ring on' this big smile on his face. Did I mention that he was missing teeth. I said not a thing put on my 'please nig' smile and turned around. I want to know whats the deal.. really Whats the freakin deal?
Yall I'm not all arrogant or anything but PLEASE tell me what is it that these eww guys see that says I even slightly look like I would for a second be into a nothing looking, nothing cute about ya dude. Let me know so I can change it . Now...RIGHT NOW! To be honest yall I don't think its me ...well I know its not... now this is going to sound ugly but my blog my thoughts,... ugly dudes just be as bold as ever and I think that women have become too desperate. I want someone I'm mad attracted to for many reason...not just the outer BUT
I'm the one who have to kiss him every night, I also would prefer someone without babies BUT if so a small number like 1 lol  whom he takes complete responsibility for. I'm not willing to settle and be unhappy. But back to the less than desirable dudes. Now I don't think I'm a Beyonce but let me lose crazy pounds and get a for real booty and hunnie sista girl may come to my neck of the woods to see what the competition looks like lol ... like I said not being arrogant BUT.... confidence I do have (everyone should have) and  besides that I have personality and there is not too much that I can't have a conversation about.... spelling is really bad but..lol. I'm thinking I need to move, cute guys are either lacking confidence, gay, over-the-top cocky, married ..... short ...or something else. What is it looking like in ya neck of the woods bloggers? Should I pack a bag and run to ya town of better looking, educated, funny men.
Now I should say this yes I want a cute guy... but I'm not all about looks. There is a lot appearances tell you and you find out even more when that person begins to speak. Ugly does not have to be used to describe a persons outer. It can be used to describe their inner. If we can't have a simple conversation.. I very well may say 'he was cute but his mind was ugly... In this case there was nothing not ugly about this guy.
Mieka 1 comment

you Natural...really?

I have micros in once again bloggers.. I needed some time away from the fro. This hair texture is still very new to me which means that I have next to no idea what to do with it now that its longer than 2in. I have an habit of asking women whom I see with natural hair how long they been on their hair journey. Most times this is fine. they tell me, we chat and I let them know that I am also natural and they go on their way. Well that is not how it happens all the time  some times I see a natural ask the "How long have you been ..." and they answer, I tell them that I am also and they look at my micros and say something like ummm hummm .. or really or you're Nat-u-ral? as if I don't know what the word is. Yes I am. I don't have a perm just like you don't have a perm therefore I am natural. These ladies can really just get carried away with this natural thing. You are not better than me b/c you rocking ya fro and mine is braided. Please get over yourself. They go on this whole natural products, wood like African earrings and just freaking loose it. It's just hair people!! I thought it was all about not being your hair... (India Arie..I am not my hair) but your natural hair has taken over your whole life and now you are just annoying to us all.
Mieka No comment yet

micros

So the micros are back! I really do like my natural fro BUT every now and again ..like every other month I just need a different look. Anyone who have had micros or simple know someone who have had them know that they can add stress to you hair. Ever seen someone before micros or any braids, and their hair was fine and than saw them 2 months after the micros and ALL their edges were gone? Recently this happened to my sister. She went to the same place that I did only my hair was still in place once I took mine out.
I really think that her problems wasn't with the micros but with the fact that her hair is just so unhealthy. My sister loves the idea of having long hair but like many she has never had long flowing locks. Hair type is all genes unfortunately for my sister she didn't get the easy curly type hair that others in our family have but than neither did I, the difference is that I take better care of my hair and use better products.
Example before getting micros my sister washes her hair blow dries it and go to the shop
I start almost a week in advance with a deep conditioner, hot oil treatment and little playing in my hair. The day before I get the braids I do this again air dry and right before going to the shop I put in a leave in conditioner and a little oil on my scalp. I know that most people don't put anything on their hair before getting braid but I say better to have edges than none.
Mieka 1 comment

And another one bites the dust


I know I just did a single blog but I got to go back there.
I received a text over the weekend from one of my last single girlfriends... She's getting FREAKIN married! Her guy proposed to her this weekend. Know how you're really happy for someone else but get really sad for yourself? Well that was me the moment I read that text. Now people don't get it twisted I loved my friend, I want whats best for her and I know how much she wants this. So I was more than a little happy for her but I almost started crying for me. It's really hard being one of the only non-married girls (in ya group) left when you been dreaming of a wedding, love, babies, and all the rest all your life. I think one of the reasons that being single is so hard for me right now is because 2 years ago ... shoot even 1 year ago I was doing the serial dating thang. I was dating at least 4 dudes back than, but right now I'm not dating anyone and quite frankly I'm so sick of all the BS that dudes sometimes let fall from their lips. I have 2 very big issues when it comes to finding a mate and dating. 1. I find that I'm just not the into the guy. I don't like his personality, his life choices, and simply don't want to be in his presence for long periods of time much less all my freakin life. 2. They want the cookie. Sorry not gon happen (even thought I Really...REALLY miss sex) I decides a while ago that I was done with giving my all to a dude who just wasn't worth it ,,, besides at this point I would hate to have waited years for some pointless BAD sex... I may just stab the dude lol... no really.
So after hearing this I was at the point of going to get me a drink .. well a couple (which I don't do anymore... not since my early 20's) when I just had to shake myself. OK I'm not freakin married SO what. At 27 I like who I am. I know who I am, what I want, and what I deserve. For a while I was wondering if maybe I had made some bad decisions where relationships are concerned, but I believe that right now I am where I need to be and if that is single then oh well .. Now, know that I still want this oh so grand man but I realize that either I have not met him yet or the guys I know have yet to become the man I need them to be in order to be my forever (or I have yet to become his forever). So right not I have pulled myself back (again) and I'm ok... It has to be better to wait for Mr. Right who will make me happy...angry...sad... fuss.. laugh .. but mostly happy (I'm not delusional) than it is to settle for Mr. right now who will make me sad...cry, laugh, happy for a while, but mostly Sad and Disappointed.



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