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12/12/16


                                 
  I haven't seriously considered writing in this blog in a really long time, but I am really rethinking it. I never wrote in this blog, or any other, because I wanted readers.. although they are nice lol. I wrote because it was an outlet, a way for me to release some stress and I have always been better (despite my spelling) at writing things, feelings, emotions down, and frankly because I'm good at expressing myself this way. It doesn't always come out the way I want it to, but at the least it's out there. So I am so about to restart doing this. In the IG, SC, FB world (all of which I have) it's not likely to be read BUT .. Oh Well.
 

This blog was brought to my attention by some negativity but this blog was never negative it was always about...Just Me. Just Mieka, my life, my thoughts, ... ME. So please allow me reintroduce myself.

....
Mieka

Happy


I have always believed that happiness was a choice that we all must make for ourselves. You can't dwell on the past or the actions of others and still maintain your happy. You also can't spend large portions of your time focused on other people and how they live their lives and claim to be 'Happy'. I believe strongly in living your own life and minding your own business. It is difficult to have your own life if you always find yourself embedded in someone else's.

I believe in being happy, in working to find my own happy place everyday regardless of what's happening in another person's life, home, or work, and regardless of what someone think, or say about me. I determine my happiness not anyone's words or feelings.  Some people become so caught up in other's lives that they can't live their own. They become so driven to gossip or find out about your life that they don't realize how telling their actions are. Happy people, Content people... or even Confident people don't live this way. 

I am so fortunate that I'm not the kind of person who is worried about the Joneses and what they are doing or saying. I am so elated that I understand that my life is mine alone and that I'm not the kind of person who concerns myself with what someone else does or may do.

I am blessed that I am content in a way that doesn't prevent me from wanting, and dreaming of more.

And most of all I am Happy that I am not the kind of person who feels a need to belittle those around them to make myself feel accomplished.

 
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Next Page...




I'm a shoot first think later kind of person ... I so have to think about this.. Every single action doesn't deserve a reaction, but I promise I have a issue with addressing things the correct way. I will never be the kind of person who lashes out at people for no reason but I also am not the type of person who can let a insult to my character go... even if the person making the insult knows very little about me. GOSH!!! I so have to work on that. Everything people say .... Nothing people say, should matter when it's not the truth.. or at least that's what they say BUT people it is so hard to fight a lie when it gets out there and when you work daily to become simply who you are ... Who is anyone else to come along and attempt to break that down or take that away? Reason and age tells me that all to often people who make slap judgments or outright lie on other people have some serious issues but at what point do you step in and say F...umm Freak you? 
lololol.. anyway just a post to replace the last post   


Still Me....







                                        
Pamieka LaJoy Adams



Mieka No comment yet

5/10/16

life goes on w/o you
slowly it seems but in reality no slower than when you were here
some moments change your life...loosing you changed mine
I'm not as care free w/o you
i don't laugh the same as I used to
tears are hard to find but need to fall
I'm... harder w/o you
not soft or kind
my laugh taste bitter
and I only laugh to find my tears

I don't have to say that I miss you
because they all know
they miss you too
I don't have to find anyone to share my pain
because left behind is a whole family who longs for you
we remember
 
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Single



This single shit is real and getting real old

See this wasn’t the plan for 32 almost 33

But plans have a tendency to go to hell

Love aint what they said it would be

Disney don’t tell little girls that you can give ya all and still not be enough

Fairytales don’t tell tales of niggas and their tall tales

Lying when the truth will do just fine

Time don’t heal broken hearts never completely

And my shit has cracks and dents and holes

But ….. I’m still over this single shit
Mieka No comment yet

Still Me! 3/10/15


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UpDate -5/9/14



Has it really been over a year.. two, since I wrote anything here? Gosh!! Sooo hello blog.. I'm still me. Still fat in fact more fat but whatever. I know that I need to make major life changes to change that. I'm almost not single. yeah blog world almost. I have been dating someone for the past month and a half and I am crazy feeling him. He's nice. He makes me laugh, and we talk for hours. I like being in his company. So what's the issue? well ummmm lol. He's 22... I'm 30. I'm at a point where I'm kinda ok with it, he being 8 years younger but it takes some getting used to and I'm sure we will face a bit of opposition from family. We shall see where this leads bolggers.


fast forward .... He was SUPER CRAZY lololololol

 
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C.F.H.

I don't remember anyone telling me that life would hurt this bad
 sure they said it wasn't fair but no one ever mentioned this pain
Life without you is more than hard
some days it's unbearable
I no longer know what it feels like to not miss you
to  not wake up or go to sleep without thinking about you.
 I no longer know how to get through a week without crying ...
tears falling one after another
like rain drops
sometimes too  fast sometimes slow.

the change in weather tells me that seasons have changed
but the pain in my soul has been the same everyday
     since you left
 it has been beyond hard without you.

There seems to be  no one who understands
even though I know others loved you.
 I don't want to pretend like everything is ok
 or like you are only on a short trip.
 I want to cry, 
 yell out
 hit something
until they understand that something is wrong.
You didn't just take a drive
 you wont be walking back in the doorway.

 why cant they understand
it hurts when I talk about you
 but it will kill me if I can't share my memories of you.
 Years haven't changed how much I miss you....

It's fall again
 leaves are changing,
 cool air is replacing the heat.
 I miss you most this time of year.
 I cry more
 sleep less
 your face fills my dreams
your laugh seems to float on the wind...
and I don't mind because my biggest fear
 is that I'll wake up and not remember your face
 that I'll forget your laugh
or the roughness of your hands.
 and I want to remember.
 I want to close my eyes and be able to see your smile.

 the hard part of remembering you are the regrets...
all the things you didn't see
all the things you won't see
I...
miss you
Mieka No comment yet

... 11/20/12

 

 
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SEX ... 10/24/12




I miss sex bloggers, I really do. I miss touching a man's body and having him touch mine, and boy do I miss the kissing of.... well lets just say kissing lol. I don't want to go to far with this post. I miss having nice strong arms wrapped around me and the talking after the sex. In case you haven't caught on it has been a really long time since I had sex, in fact it has been years. Recently I had a conversation about sex with a guy and I almost found myself seriously thinking about the possibility of having sex again... and than I realized all the reasons I haven't had sex in years. I want more than just sex with someone whom I don't love. I want more than a fly by sexual encounter. I want more than just a sexual relationship. .. I deserve more. Whenever I tell a guy that I'm not sexually active they take it as a kind of dare, a challenge. They always think that they're going to be able to convince me to have sex. The one to 'get' it... wrong. There is no way that I'm going to allow myself to get involved with someone who only wants sex, someone who is not willing to simply get to know who I am. I don't want a relationship that's based on the physical. I want a relationship that is based on the heart.  All that being said bloggers I still really miss sex.
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