Feeling crazy insecure today which means I'm damn lucky that I got these micros in... otherwise my hair would turn out to be some crazy color by the end of the day.. or I would be saying good-bye to natural and hello to a perm and a cute lil cut and still even than, some color. .. Pms is  bad for my hair.
I promise yall my jr. and sr. year of high school my hair color changed bout every week.. I even did this  crazy awful orange color right after high school that I didn't let anyone see but my grandmother..omg it was so ugly!  luckily I still had hair, unfortunately not even a year after that I went blond and this time the hair did come out. I remember standing in my bathroom mirror running a comb through my hair with tears running down my face b/c my hair was just falling out. After that you would think that I would leave the color alone but a year ago I let my best friend take me to pink.
 I'm on the last legs of my period and the last day is always my cry day... but this has been a crazy few months for me.  I'm just in that mood. Maybe I'll go get my nails done, maybe fire engine red or sunny yellow or even better a ray of colours. ummm I don't know but I so don't need any clothes right now (or can afford to buy them 4real with Christmas so close and a nephew I like to buy for). I normally do something really crazy to my hair but since these $200 micros are only a few weeks old..thats out..thank GOD! * :) .... ... Pms is really bad for my hair..somethimes cute... but still bad
insecure- not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious


I refuse to love you... I don't want to love you.....
I ..think I.. I. love you


my heart pounds..the beats so loud I'm almost sure they can hear
my mind is filled to overflowing with ...everything
my eyes are closed.. hoping that I can shut out the reality of whats being said
hoping that when I open them today will be yesterday and that tomorrow never comes
and although I'm not at my end ever moment spent with you flash across my closed eyelids
every moment spent without you
this is not real... it can't be real when I open my eyes it will all be fine
you'll be here laughing talking about something random the way you do
* 1.... 2....3.. I'm going to open my eyes now
none of this ever happened... just like one of the books I read
their will be a happy ending for me
they're still here..why are they still hear
saying the same thing... why are their words the same
I can't breath, their is no air...panting for air.. I scream
none of this they hear none of this they see
I stand there calm tears slowly falling down my face
but in my head I've lost it
I just had a mental break down and where
roses used to be red they are now black and
the sky is now gray the sun blocked
life just changed for me..

Day...ummmm lol

ok so I have so not been bloging everyday ... I could say I have just gotten cought up with school but the truth of the mtter is that I have had very little to say... and the topics I missed... well they were no big deal
 SO day 17..18 19..20? Why do you blog?
I blog because... writing is what I do. I don't always spell correctly or use periods but still.... writing is what I do. I write what I can't say .. what I can't express any other way. I don't write blogs because I need people to read. No, I write them because I need to write.


I hate words that mean nothing so instead of talking to you I'll be silent that way I won't have to hear the lies you'll tell.

Day...16? Question

I believe that if you want something bad enough than you go get it, or you do it. I have always believed that. The problem is .. where does the motivation come from. When you're in a dark, deep hole and the walls are closing in, and you know what you NEED to do... how to you push yourself to do it?

I know this question sounds like I'm in a bad place right now but I'm not, and that's why I can ask this question. I just simply want to understand how some people can keep fighting even when the world has knocked them down repeatedly and some people just stop at the first sign of trouble.