I can't breathe when you're here
I loose my breath when you come around ...panting and unable to use words correctly because all that I want to say to you gets lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth I see only black when I see you because the anger that caused me to see red has gone so deep that I only see a dark void where you stood empty of feelings and emotions you make me sick my stomach begins to hurt at the mention of ya name my head begins to bang and my okay or happy day turns into one filled with pain... and yet I would never want to hurt you. see when I look at you I still see that little girl you used to be. So full of hope and laughter, so full of love ... and I miss that want that back not just for me but for you ... for these new lives that you have brought into the world.
I remember you before him... before you turned into her, before when your heart was filled with more than this one nothing ass....male. What happened to you? When did you become this insecure woman who needs a man to define you? when did simply being you stop being enough.
I hate the way I feel when I'm near you. I hate how you put my emotions in a spin of love,hate and indifference. I don't know what to say to you anymore because your thoughts are no loner just yours they are his. His favorite color is now yours, his habits are yours... his disloyalty is yours. I no longer believe in your promises... or your ability to care for anyone but him you have become her and just like her everything else and everyone else comes 3rd to his needs. I can't talk when you're near the tears that I refuse to let fall clog up my throat. The sadness of knowing that you will never change takes my voice.


Words such as best-friend, bestie, bff and friend have become very popular. In my opinion too popular. When ever I hear someone say any of these words I always wonder how true they are.
I had very few friends until college, maybe about three people at one time or another whom I would call a friend. It wasn't until college that I really knew what that word entitled. My sister recently had a lunch date with her 'friends' including her 'bff' and didn't go because of money. Money has never stopped my friends and I from going out and having a good time. If they don't have the cash than lunch is on me and vice versa. I have the type of friends who send me money (without me asking or even saying a word about it) because my cell is off. I have the type of friends who stay in the hospital with me all night regardless of work and class. My friends have driven 30min back to the dorm to come and get me after they've gotten off work and 30min back to the city because I needed to go to the store. They've let me drive their car to work everyday, when I didn't have my own. They cried as many tears as I did at  my at my brothers and uncles funerals. They have been there and are still there. Money, no money, broken down cars, no car, laughter, sadness, disagreements, death, and life...they are there.  Life happens sometimes (babies, husbands, work, school, family..and disagreements) and we don't talk for weeks and yet we still are devoted to our friendship.
I'm not sure if people know what friendship really is... an extension of your family most times even closer

Love Scale

Is it possible to be on equal footing in a relationship bloggers? A long time ago my older cousin told me it was better to be in a relationship with someone who loved you more than you loved them rather than the other way around. Is there no in between? Can we both not be equally in love? In my first experience with love I gave my all, my whole heart was laid bare, unfortunately I loved him more than he loved me. In every relationship since than I have been the one holding all the cards. Since the age of 23 I have always made sure that they loved me, wanted me, desired me far more than I did them. ... But none of those relationships worked. I always felt as if something was missing, and it was. My devotion to the relationship. I don't want a relationship that's one sided I want the whole freaking pie. So is it possible bloggers? Can two people be in a relationship where they are both giving 110% of emotion? Where they are both so into each other that the outside world disappear? Do balanced, equal, relationships exist?