SEX ... 10/24/12

I miss sex bloggers, I really do. I miss touching a man's body and having him touch mine, and boy do I miss the kissing of.... well lets just say kissing lol. I don't want to go to far with this post. I miss having nice strong arms wrapped around me and the talking after the sex. In case you haven't caught on it has been a really long time since I had sex, in fact it has been years. Recently I had a conversation about sex with a guy and I almost found myself seriously thinking about the possibility of having sex again... and than I realized all the reasons I haven't had sex in years. I want more than just sex with someone whom I don't love. I want more than a fly by sexual encounter. I want more than just a sexual relationship. .. I deserve more. Whenever I tell a guy that I'm not sexually active they take it as a kind of dare, a challenge. They always think that they're going to be able to convince me to have sex. The one to 'get' it... wrong. There is no way that I'm going to allow myself to get involved with someone who only wants sex, someone who is not willing to simply get to know who I am. I don't want a relationship that's based on the physical. I want a relationship that is based on the heart.  All that being said bloggers I still really miss sex.

C.F.H. 10/23/06

I laughed today
thought about you and felt joy in my heart
got up early watched the sun rise
walked on the dew wet grass and picked a flower all while thinking of you

I remember the roughness of you hand
the loudness of your laugh
I remember you

cried tonight for you
it's amazing how nothing else hurts as much as the loss of you
how even as months turn into years I still miss you everyday just the same
and no matter how many tears fall there are still more yet to fall

I remember the sparkle in your eyes
the rumble of your voice
I... often think of you.

Get Cute Monday


Single girl...

As I have said before bloggers dating is hard. I'm dating right now, not any 1 special guy in fact not 1 guy at all... more like more than one. I'm not cheating or anything I'm simply dating. If one of them becomes more than simply a date than maybe I'll just date 1. A few months back I started to feel ... too single. I really just felt like I wasn't putting myself out there enough... and to be frank I started to simply miss hanging out with guys. So here I am bloggers dating. The hard thing with dating for me is that I simply don't believe the lines. I don't even want to hear them. I always simply want to go from the early morning text  "GM Beautiful" and the before bed time text of 'GN Sweetie' to the real conversations, the dreams, and life, and ... everything. The problem is that it seems that you have to go through the motions to get there. Another problem for me is the lies. I can't stand guys who won't stop saying things that aren't true. I tend to be really honest with men I just don't understand why they can't do the same for me... Anyway it's late... work tomorrow, and than a drink with the girls.... hope he doesn't turn out to be psycho..but with my luck with men......


I'm 29 smarter than many, beautiful in my spirit, and kind in my soul. Am I the most intelligent? No. The sweetest? No.  Am I always right? .... NO. But who I am is someone who knows what I want, what I need, and what I deserve, and I am smart enough to know when those things aren't the same thing. At 20 there was alot that I was willing to accept from people.... At 25 a little less... and now both those times in my life are worlds away. I would rather be single than to be with someone who doesn't deserve ME. ... for everything that I am... fun, lame, crazy, mean, insecure, nice, selfish, honest, faithful, confident, selfless... ME. You NEVER have to like me but this is me, and I'm ok with that. I have overcome so many hurt feelings, so much self doubt that I am not at all willing to let any but the best in my life. Everyone else in the world should feel the same way. YOU are too good for drama, and too much for nonsense. YOU are a better person than to allow people who aren't good for you in your life!

I have been running into people who have made me rethink my past, my future and my present. I ran into an old friend who I'm not friends with anymore, a ex-boyfriend who at one time was a good friend and an old co-worker who is doing really well now and it just made me think bloggers...(I also had a run in with a crazy) about my life and me. Anyway ... Smile Still Bright.... Lets start this day again... the right way "Thank you God ... for EVERYTHING"


I need a new city. This one has lousy fishing.
fishing with my right hand throwing them back with my left
another one caught another one not good enough
Maybe its me and not the fish
my pole is too long... not long enough
Maybe I'm in the wrong river.
Maybe I need a lake.

Happy day bloggers
I so need a new job I am over the one I have. New plan of action fill out a new application every day until I'm somewhere else. Weight... do we even have to go there... lets not.. really people it's bad, maybe I'll have better news in a week. Found a new workout buddy I think this one is a keeper, we shall see. It is so hard to find someone who will actually workout .. not that I need a partner if I want this I can do it all by myself, but company is nice. Love update... read above... something is just not working for me there bloggers. I just want a honest cute, smart, tall, guy to spend some time with, get to know, get married to, have sex with, and have a baby with that's all ....where is he universe. Life update... sick of school but it is a mission I must complete, I need a new place, a fun-cation and than a vacation, and I need my friends to jump on the not lame, fun train.   *My smile is in place

Same day a little later
New plan II
I need to find a church bloggers. A for real church where people believe in GOD and aren't just there for show. A church where people are living everyday like it's Sunday and not drunk, cussing and partying up until it's time to go to church and than again after the sermon is over. 

All or Nothing

Dating is hard bloggers, really it is. Recently a friend of mine went out with this dude and she found herself questioning weather or not he was honest. Well at the time I didn't give it much thought because quite frankly I could care less if the dudes I have been dating lately are honest or not. (I haven't liked any of them beyond a few dates) So there was no wondering or asking myself 'Is this dude 4real?' Well I find myself thinking about my friend right now and how she feels about trusting men.
Relationships have not at all been easy or kind to me. I don't think that all men are going to cheat or lie but I do think that it is hard to determine if you are dating a honest guy. Right now I'm asking myself that question. When it comes to relationships and men I have learned to take everything at face value until I am shown otherwise. .. and believe me when I say it doesn't take much for me to see that a guy who looks to be a nice honest guy isn't. Another thing that I have learned bloggers is that sex makes it very difficult to see a lie coming or to recognize a cheater. It is so important to just get to know the person you're dating before even thinking about being intimate with them. It makes it easier to break up with them and so simple to leave when you find out he's not what he claims. I'm not giving advice with this blog I'm just reminding myself why I'm not in nor have been in a sexual relationship in years. It is so very easy to let yourself fall into lust but it's never worth it to give your all only to watch him walk away later.


No need for love
Unless it’s Mr. oh, Mr. Right
And only because
Mixin’ lust with love only mean a fight
‘Cuz there’ll be dues to pay
And most of all many sleepless nights
But that won't be today, no
Guess I’ll see ya, love, it’s been nice
Until then...