Mr. picture man

I want her picture painted
like they used to do before cameras
but you don't have to truly capture her appearance
I want you to capture her soul
etch it across canvas so that it lives on for others to see
Mr.picture man choose a bright color to that they can see the smiles hiding inside
and a dark one to showcase her pain
I want you to paint her
maybe a blue for the tears that she has shed in this life
maybe a green to show the life she leaves behind
it doesn't have to resemble a person
but instead maybe a ray of colors that resemble her mind
I want you to paint her the way she is
no camouflage
I want to see the anger the disappointments, sadness,... hurt I want to her as she is
pick a yellow to show the brightness she has brought us all
possibly a red to show frustration
Mr.picture man I want you to paint her
can you show her love and selflessness her indifference and selfishness
I want this picture to be of her
I want to sit for hours and glaze upon it knowing that it is of someone beautiful
someone human
Mr. picture man I want her memory captured, her pictured painted


I love fall bloggers, the colors, the wind, night chills and warm days. I really do love it. Fall kinda makes me go love crazy as well. I always want to be in a relationship during this time of year. I have all these ideas of the perfect fall date, picnics in the park, walks through the zoo, car rids in the country. Unfortunately my relationships always head south right before this time of year...  meaning dateless and single me. .. Maybe that's why I love the idea of fall love. Oh well maybe in the spring I can walk in the rain while holding his hand. *Hopeless Romantic

HI ...LONG TIME...and all that jazz

I haven't written in a while I know but between work and class I just don't really have the time to think much less blog. I have so missed just putting down my thoughts. So how am I? Well to be honest  the summer was horrible for me all the way around... car trouble... hair trouble... fashion trouble ... I don't know something about 100 degree heat and no air does that to me BUT fall is here and I for one LOVE the fall. So new car check... hair experiments... check... and I'm working on the fashion. I am ready for... EVERYTHING. Still fat yall ... I'm always honest about that. Am I disappointed in me yeah BUT everyday is a new day to get better ... thinking about printing up an old friends pics or at least looking at them often to convince myself that its possible....Joining weight watchers soon, wish me luck. I imagine that WW is like AA for fat ppl..." Hello my name is Pamieka and I'm a foodaholic"

Blog Award

I want to say thanks to lil miss Sauniya' for tagging me in this award and posting my link on her blog. Muah!

So the award comes with these rules:
1. Thank the person who tagged you and link their blog.
2. Put the Top 10 award logo on your blog.
3. List your top 10 cosmetics.
4. Choose 10 bloggers to tag, link their blogs and let them know

So although I love make-up I don't have a top 10 best. I just use a very small amount of stuff but here goes
I LOVE cover up it's the one thing in my make-up bag I can't live without

1. Black Opal flawless concealer for Ethnic Skin
2. A bronzer... I don't really have one that I think is better than any other I just have to have one that
    works for me
3. Cover girl eye shadow. I love a smoky eye with maybe a pink or pretty blue to blend it with... but I
    only do that for my night time face
4. Last but the very key for me is a pretty lip. It doesn't matter if its a nice cool mystic pink or a popping red
    or even a clear gloss I think your lips should always look ready for either a kiss or a photo
.... I also like to use pure Shea Butter before putting on make-up for dry skin and even make-up cover (not recommended for summer) it's also good w/o make-up or at night (not if you have problem skin or very oily skin
I know that I didn't really name any products but I don't have any that I just die for. As a girl on a budget I have learned that even though high end products are nice sometimes they aren't any better than the cheap stuff.

Shapely Louise

That good good blog

tha unpretentious narcissist

You don't like my Opinion thats fine

Beauty in rare form


Not 10 but ppl I look in on often... its been a while since I've had some blog time.
 Don't forget to check in on lil miss Sauniya'

Not another day

So turns out it wasn't just another day I really enjoyed my birthday bloggers thanks to some good friends and some awesome family members and a soon to be family member. It wasn't all out or party all night it was just dinner and some conversation. It was nice. So All I feel is a little bit more rushed to get school done and meet this wonderful man and handle my weight issue that is very present.
I talked to an ex recently and we're going to start walking together, the only problem is that I am very ok with him remaining an ex while he.... not so much. We shall see what happens bloggers... time for work .. Have a good day.

Another day

So it's almost my birthday. I'm going to do a little thing with my friends on the date and the next weekend (since I couldn't get off this weekend) I'm going to New Orleans. Don't get me wrong bloggers I like N.O. and everything but to be honest I would rather spend my day at home with family, friends, some good food and a cake. Birthdays are not really my families thing we are a little wried that way... so my friends and I are going to go to a nice jazz club and than to a fun party.
So 28 bloggers and I know this is not New Years but I feel good about 28. For the first time in a while I have some real direction, I know where I want to go and I know (somewhat) how to get there. School is going really well and I'm enjoying knowing that I am doing really well and will soon be done. 

Enjoying your life is simply a matter of the way that you feel.   ... by IDK found it on the net and loved it


I can't breathe when you're here
I loose my breath when you come around ...panting and unable to use words correctly because all that I want to say to you gets lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth I see only black when I see you because the anger that caused me to see red has gone so deep that I only see a dark void where you stood empty of feelings and emotions you make me sick my stomach begins to hurt at the mention of ya name my head begins to bang and my okay or happy day turns into one filled with pain... and yet I would never want to hurt you. see when I look at you I still see that little girl you used to be. So full of hope and laughter, so full of love ... and I miss that want that back not just for me but for you ... for these new lives that you have brought into the world.
I remember you before him... before you turned into her, before when your heart was filled with more than this one nothing ass....male. What happened to you? When did you become this insecure woman who needs a man to define you? when did simply being you stop being enough.
I hate the way I feel when I'm near you. I hate how you put my emotions in a spin of love,hate and indifference. I don't know what to say to you anymore because your thoughts are no loner just yours they are his. His favorite color is now yours, his habits are yours... his disloyalty is yours. I no longer believe in your promises... or your ability to care for anyone but him you have become her and just like her everything else and everyone else comes 3rd to his needs. I can't talk when you're near the tears that I refuse to let fall clog up my throat. The sadness of knowing that you will never change takes my voice.


Words such as best-friend, bestie, bff and friend have become very popular. In my opinion too popular. When ever I hear someone say any of these words I always wonder how true they are.
I had very few friends until college, maybe about three people at one time or another whom I would call a friend. It wasn't until college that I really knew what that word entitled. My sister recently had a lunch date with her 'friends' including her 'bff' and didn't go because of money. Money has never stopped my friends and I from going out and having a good time. If they don't have the cash than lunch is on me and vice versa. I have the type of friends who send me money (without me asking or even saying a word about it) because my cell is off. I have the type of friends who stay in the hospital with me all night regardless of work and class. My friends have driven 30min back to the dorm to come and get me after they've gotten off work and 30min back to the city because I needed to go to the store. They've let me drive their car to work everyday, when I didn't have my own. They cried as many tears as I did at  my at my brothers and uncles funerals. They have been there and are still there. Money, no money, broken down cars, no car, laughter, sadness, disagreements, death, and life...they are there.  Life happens sometimes (babies, husbands, work, school, family..and disagreements) and we don't talk for weeks and yet we still are devoted to our friendship.
I'm not sure if people know what friendship really is... an extension of your family most times even closer

Love Scale

Is it possible to be on equal footing in a relationship bloggers? A long time ago my older cousin told me it was better to be in a relationship with someone who loved you more than you loved them rather than the other way around. Is there no in between? Can we both not be equally in love? In my first experience with love I gave my all, my whole heart was laid bare, unfortunately I loved him more than he loved me. In every relationship since than I have been the one holding all the cards. Since the age of 23 I have always made sure that they loved me, wanted me, desired me far more than I did them. ... But none of those relationships worked. I always felt as if something was missing, and it was. My devotion to the relationship. I don't want a relationship that's one sided I want the whole freaking pie. So is it possible bloggers? Can two people be in a relationship where they are both giving 110% of emotion? Where they are both so into each other that the outside world disappear? Do balanced, equal, relationships exist?

Worst Hair Style EVER

The Cheap Lace front Wig... Please stop wearing it people I have yet to see anyone look cute with a cheap lace front wig on. As a matter of fact I have only seen two people wear $100+ lace-fronts and look cute. Put them down black women ... really stop.

If it don't look like this around the hair line...just don't. There is no need for ya hair line to be looking tight and pasted

once again

So I'm trying to get this Fat thing under control once again. In the morning I'm back to walking and hitting the track. I have invited my friend's cousin to tag along with me, she's a few years younger than me but around the same size as I am. Even though I'm taking her along I'm not going to worry about weather or not she wants to continue this with me, after all I need to get healthy for me. So it starts again. I started this last year around this same time and was really doing well until I got sick (appendix). I really want this but its so hard. My weight loss  inspiration is an old friend of mine... she is doing it and doing it well ... she has a blog check her out  really nice blog.  By the way I'm thinking about vlogging ..ummmm not sure yet but if I start the youtube thing I will be posting here as well.


So I just heard the latest single by Beyonce... and I don't know about you but Beyonce (music) always makes me feel like I need to bring the sexy out. Show the world Ms Mieka lol.. Yeah I have different names for different parts of my personality. See Ms. Mieka is something serious and... well I won't get into it ..lets just say shes a lil hard to handle but ready to be handled lol. But anyway Beyonce makes me want to get on the track and walk so that I can get into some sexy super cute jeans and a pair of heels... Now I'm not sure I mentioned this but I'm 6'1..yeah I'm up there. A few years ago I stopped wearing heels because it makes it harder for me to find a mate but Beyonce (music) always makes me feel like saying freak that, dudes just got to get with it ...

Really Dude? Really

So I'm at work and this man walks up to me 'Hey there' he says .... 'Hello sir' I reply in my I'm at work voice, 'Do you need help with something?' He looks at me and say ' ummm I see you don't have a ring on' this big smile on his face. Did I mention that he was missing teeth. I said not a thing put on my 'please nig' smile and turned around. I want to know whats the deal.. really Whats the freakin deal?
Yall I'm not all arrogant or anything but PLEASE tell me what is it that these eww guys see that says I even slightly look like I would for a second be into a nothing looking, nothing cute about ya dude. Let me know so I can change it . Now...RIGHT NOW! To be honest yall I don't think its me ...well I know its not... now this is going to sound ugly but my blog my thoughts,... ugly dudes just be as bold as ever and I think that women have become too desperate. I want someone I'm mad attracted to for many reason...not just the outer BUT
I'm the one who have to kiss him every night, I also would prefer someone without babies BUT if so a small number like 1 lol  whom he takes complete responsibility for. I'm not willing to settle and be unhappy. But back to the less than desirable dudes. Now I don't think I'm a Beyonce but let me lose crazy pounds and get a for real booty and hunnie sista girl may come to my neck of the woods to see what the competition looks like lol ... like I said not being arrogant BUT.... confidence I do have (everyone should have) and  besides that I have personality and there is not too much that I can't have a conversation about.... spelling is really bad I'm thinking I need to move, cute guys are either lacking confidence, gay, over-the-top cocky, married ..... short ...or something else. What is it looking like in ya neck of the woods bloggers? Should I pack a bag and run to ya town of better looking, educated, funny men.
Now I should say this yes I want a cute guy... but I'm not all about looks. There is a lot appearances tell you and you find out even more when that person begins to speak. Ugly does not have to be used to describe a persons outer. It can be used to describe their inner. If we can't have a simple conversation.. I very well may say 'he was cute but his mind was ugly... In this case there was nothing not ugly about this guy.

you Natural...really?

I have micros in once again bloggers.. I needed some time away from the fro. This hair texture is still very new to me which means that I have next to no idea what to do with it now that its longer than 2in. I have an habit of asking women whom I see with natural hair how long they been on their hair journey. Most times this is fine. they tell me, we chat and I let them know that I am also natural and they go on their way. Well that is not how it happens all the time  some times I see a natural ask the "How long have you been ..." and they answer, I tell them that I am also and they look at my micros and say something like ummm hummm .. or really or you're Nat-u-ral? as if I don't know what the word is. Yes I am. I don't have a perm just like you don't have a perm therefore I am natural. These ladies can really just get carried away with this natural thing. You are not better than me b/c you rocking ya fro and mine is braided. Please get over yourself. They go on this whole natural products, wood like African earrings and just freaking loose it. It's just hair people!! I thought it was all about not being your hair... (India Arie..I am not my hair) but your natural hair has taken over your whole life and now you are just annoying to us all.


So the micros are back! I really do like my natural fro BUT every now and again every other month I just need a different look. Anyone who have had micros or simple know someone who have had them know that they can add stress to you hair. Ever seen someone before micros or any braids, and their hair was fine and than saw them 2 months after the micros and ALL their edges were gone? Recently this happened to my sister. She went to the same place that I did only my hair was still in place once I took mine out.
I really think that her problems wasn't with the micros but with the fact that her hair is just so unhealthy. My sister loves the idea of having long hair but like many she has never had long flowing locks. Hair type is all genes unfortunately for my sister she didn't get the easy curly type hair that others in our family have but than neither did I, the difference is that I take better care of my hair and use better products.
Example before getting micros my sister washes her hair blow dries it and go to the shop
I start almost a week in advance with a deep conditioner, hot oil treatment and little playing in my hair. The day before I get the braids I do this again air dry and right before going to the shop I put in a leave in conditioner and a little oil on my scalp. I know that most people don't put anything on their hair before getting braid but I say better to have edges than none.

And another one bites the dust

I know I just did a single blog but I got to go back there.
I received a text over the weekend from one of my last single girlfriends... She's getting FREAKIN married! Her guy proposed to her this weekend. Know how you're really happy for someone else but get really sad for yourself? Well that was me the moment I read that text. Now people don't get it twisted I loved my friend, I want whats best for her and I know how much she wants this. So I was more than a little happy for her but I almost started crying for me. It's really hard being one of the only non-married girls (in ya group) left when you been dreaming of a wedding, love, babies, and all the rest all your life. I think one of the reasons that being single is so hard for me right now is because 2 years ago ... shoot even 1 year ago I was doing the serial dating thang. I was dating at least 4 dudes back than, but right now I'm not dating anyone and quite frankly I'm so sick of all the BS that dudes sometimes let fall from their lips. I have 2 very big issues when it comes to finding a mate and dating. 1. I find that I'm just not the into the guy. I don't like his personality, his life choices, and simply don't want to be in his presence for long periods of time much less all my freakin life. 2. They want the cookie. Sorry not gon happen (even thought I Really...REALLY miss sex) I decides a while ago that I was done with giving my all to a dude who just wasn't worth it ,,, besides at this point I would hate to have waited years for some pointless BAD sex... I may just stab the dude lol... no really.
So after hearing this I was at the point of going to get me a drink .. well a couple (which I don't do anymore... not since my early 20's) when I just had to shake myself. OK I'm not freakin married SO what. At 27 I like who I am. I know who I am, what I want, and what I deserve. For a while I was wondering if maybe I had made some bad decisions where relationships are concerned, but I believe that right now I am where I need to be and if that is single then oh well .. Now, know that I still want this oh so grand man but I realize that either I have not met him yet or the guys I know have yet to become the man I need them to be in order to be my forever (or I have yet to become his forever). So right not I have pulled myself back (again) and I'm ok... It has to be better to wait for Mr. Right who will make me happy...angry...sad... fuss.. laugh .. but mostly happy (I'm not delusional) than it is to settle for Mr. right now who will make me sad...cry, laugh, happy for a while, but mostly Sad and Disappointed.


It's been a while since I worte a Fat blog... Well I'm still fat lol... and pretty. When I was growing up my grandma used to say..not simply to me but she just used to say "You can eat yourself ugly" I am a firm believer in this. Have you ever seen an ok looking fat person and thought to yourself 'She/He would be so pretty/handsome if he/she lost some weight?' Well I have. I haven't reached what I call fat/ugly but I do believe that I would be much prettier if I was smaller... In fact I know that I would. This summer I lost 60lbs, when I go back and look at those pictures I realize that what my grandma used to say is true you really can eat yourself out of good looks. So how am I? Fat and pretty BUT not as pretty as I could be.

Soul Fest 2011 - New Orleans

"everyone dies but not everone lives" Drake


Ok bloggers every once in a while I have to pull myself back. I was just talking to an old friend of mine, we dated for a short time about four years ago. Every few months I call him and talk a lil crazy... you know "So when we going get together" just joking. Well we didn't work out four years ago because I ended things. I just didn't think we would make it long term. I thought we were better friends and since sex wasn't apart of our relationship it was easy to make the friend transition. Every so often I ask myself if I made the right decision. After all 30 is getting closer everyday and I'm still not married and holding babies. It can be kinda scary when everyone around you is tying the knot and getting pregnant and you're not. Well this guy and I chatted for a while and we talked about his girlfriend (just what they did for her b-day), and I had to stop myself from flirting. Crazy I know, the dude is with someone! (No single female friends for my man) I know that he and I make better friends, but this single thing ALMOST had me tripping. Luckily I caught myself. I'm not that scandalous.
I don't think I have one single girlfriend right now. The closest thing I have to single girlfriends are 2 friends who are both in relationships; one is living with her boyfriend (I hate the word boyfriend, I just don't think it should be used after a certain age) and the other  has been in an off again on again relationship for years. So it's just me bloggers. Dating guys that I find lacking, being approached by losers, and SINGLE. The only good thing about being single is knowing that I haven't made a mistake by tying myself to someone I can no longer stand to be around. ...But to be honest this single thing is starting to get old.

Hair Growth

I have been natural for 6 months now. Natural Hair is defined as, unprocessed hair that has not been chemically altered in texture or color. This journey has been very hard for me because being natural is not as simple as getting a perm. When I first did this I was just thinking that I wouldn't get a perm and that would be it. Bam! I'm Natural.  It wasn't that simple.In the 6 months that I have been natural I have spent more money on my hair than I did in more than a year of having  permed hair. Finding the right products for natural hair is much harder than finding ones for natural hair. I thought I could just keep doing my hair the same way as before, well that quickly went out the window. I won't say that I feel so 'free' now that I'm not permed nor will I claim that I won't one day..maybe in a year or so get permed again. This was not a way for me to find my 'blackness' lol. It's was just a different look for me. 
I love when I'm wearing a wig or sew-in and tell people I'm natural. They always look at my skin color and assume that I have this nice curly hair lol. It's thick, not curly, and can get very dry.
This is days after my cut

2 months give or take

3months -I think

5mo going on 6months

5am tears

my brothers and I

...know how you try to put something out of your mind...just so you can make it through the next day? How you try to forget to hurt or cry so that you won't have to? I've been doing that all week.... only it's not working and right now at 5am the hurt has caught up to me and the tears that have been lying in wait are starting to fall. Tomorrow will make six years since my brother passed and ..... and right this second I can no longer hide behind... school or friends. Right now the reality of my loss is staring me right in the face and I can't seem to close my eyes to the fact that six years ago I lost someone wonderful, someone that the grown up me was just beginning to know and understand. So here I am, sad, depressed and typing b/c I haven't been able to face whats happening to my emotions right now much less discuss it.
There are few regrets that I have when it comes to my brother, He loved me..I know that and I loved him and he was aware of my love. The last time we talked in fact we said those words. I'm so happy that it worked out that way. What I do regret is that I didn't understand sooner how hard his life was... that I wasn't grown up enough at 16 or even 19 to know how much he had to bear. My brother developed kidney disease at 8 years old and his life was full of hospital visits and doctors and needles and..... and yet he still laughed... he still enjoyed every minute that he was given. I don't want you to think that I am making him out to be an angle...he wasn't... that boy had a temper on him :) but he was also sweet and kind and so very giving.  I just hate that he left when we were starting to build .. something more. Hate that I lost him when I had just gotten to an age where I was mature enough to understand what he faced.. The constant uncertainties that life offers.... The very first memory that I have of life is of my brother... I was about 3.. maybe.. which would mean he was 7 and he was giving me chips... ..... He was my brother bloggers the first person in my family to give me a birthday gift ... the reason I know and understand how important the words I love you can be... And right now at 5am he's the reason for the tears that are falling down my face and the longing I feel... I miss his laugh.. his voice and yes even that terrible temper.

Happy Day mommy

It's my grandma b-day!! My grandmother has always been the most important person in my life. She raised me and my brothers and sister. She has always been there no matter how many times we have messed up... and let me tell you bloggers ...we have messed up, some more than others. Her love has always been strong and her arms are always open.  My grandmother is one of the reasons I have so much faith and so much hope, she put those feelings in my heart from a very early age. She taught me that even when the world has treated you bad and friends have turned their  back ..YOU can still stand up be strong and walk forward. The first time I went to college I thought it was time to party unfortunately I didn't do much real class work. When my grades dropped and I lost my grants, my grandmother looked at me told me to stop crying "I'll give you the money...Go back. Everybody make mistakes Mieka, you just don't keep making them."
Happy-Day to the strongest, most loving, giving person I know

Happy Valentine's Day•*´¨`*•♥

I guess for some Valentine's Day can be depressing, but I have always been fond of this day... call it my romantic nature. I haven't spent every V-day in love or even in a relationship but I have never really been sad on a V-day.  Happy Valentine's Day Bloggers. If you are single then do something for yourself, Fix your hair, nails,... go out and have a drink and if you have a really good friend call her/him up and have a laugh filled fun day.... after work that is  (◑‿◐)
I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.•*´¨`*•♥

…ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ….ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ
ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ
.ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ ℒℴѵℯ
……………ℒℴѵℯ the way how do you like the new do? I kinda looooove it....

Hopeless Romantic

I chatted with a good friend over the weekend. We talked about relationships and love and I asked her if maybe I was waiting on this hero out of a romance novel.. she said "umm I think so!" lol But she also admitted to me that she wants all the things that I do. We agreed that we are both hopeless romantics. The problem with being a hopeless romantic is that their doesn't seem to be this grand upstanding, strong guy out there waiting just for you to walk into his life. So in the mean time, what bloggers? Do I date a few less than Mr. Right dudes... ? Well that's what I have been doing and let me tell you I just don't see the point of it all. And no I'm not saying that their are no good men out there, I just seem to have a hard time finding a good man that I can fall for. I know some good guys... have even dated a few in the past few years but it just didn't work for me. As I said in a previous blog I just want someone who I can ... I don't know yall .. forget time with.. laugh for hours with, talk to for days. The problem is that I have yet to meet a guy who I want to .. or can see myself being with forever. Crazy but soooo true.  Maybe I'm scared that I'm going to fall for one of these less than novel heroes and one day my Mr. Right off the cover of a romance will walk up and it'll be to late..ummmmm No!! lol... I just haven't met that guy who takes my breath away, and makes me smile for no reason at all.... Haven't met a man whose a hopeless romantic.

** by the way if you haven't read a Beverly Jenkins book check her out...try Vivid first! lovher

Quote of the day

"I'm convinced that we black women possess a special indestructible strength that allows us to not only get down, but to get up, to get through, and get over." Janet Jackson

Just Me

Its been a while since I wrote about being fat huh. Well I'm still fat, still me and still fighting to be happy with who I am and all that I am everyday. I have many skinny friends, in fact I don't really have any close fat friends.. it's an issue I have... but lets leave that for now. I often wonder about used to be fat people and how they stay not fat. Whats their motivation? How do they do it and not go back? A really good friend of mine used to be plus sized and she told me that after she lost the weight she just didn't understand how she had let herself get that big. "Mieka I'm never going to be fat again." It's been six years and sista girl is still little. She really wasn't playin. How did she do it? She worked her butt off. She dieted and did extreme exercise and it worked for her.. not once did she throw in the towel and stop. Yall I need some of that willpower. Maybe I have just never really wanted it enough... I don't know but as of today I am still fat and everyday I realize that this is not healthy. I'm confident in who I am but I want a long simple life ... Being fat is  not healthy nor is it fact being fat is hard some days harder than others.

change of heart

Mr. Crazy is just too crazy... and controlling...and arrogant...did I say I was going to go out with this dude again....4get about it!


So bloggers I have decided to go out with Mr.Crazy. I just don't know if this is a good idea. I always try to listen to my head and heart about guys. Its just that IDK yall my heart says that 'I don't want to love this dude ....ever' and my head says that this may not be such a good idea..'It didn't work the first time' Sounds like I have an answer huh? lol but then... I don't know if I can give you a real answer. So much about this dude sounds good..pros- educated, gives flowers just b/c, career, plans, likes to travel... cons-likes to be in my space to much, different culture, different religion, supper arrogant. I know that most people get to know people b4 saying that it's not going to work but I just don't see the point in staying in any kind of relationship that has no future. And I kinda feel like we should have gotten to know each other 2 years ago when we dated for 5 months. I don't know bloggers maybe I just don't want to be tied down right now...maybe my heart lies else where, ummm maybe I have read to many romance novels.

Working it

I love this video and so of course I had to post it on my blog. You can often see size 2 to size ....maybe 8 doing this but you almost never see this kind of sexy strength and flexibility from a size 12 or more
if you're ever on youtube check her out!! polefitjourney

It might be you Dave Koz ft India Arie

I Love this song Dave Koz and India..nothing better! Lyrics below
I've been passing time watching trains go by,
All of my life...
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there could be
Someone waiting home for me...

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...

Something telling me it might be you
it telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake
And we've so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life...
Maybe it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life
it' you
Looking back as lovers go walking past...
All of my life...
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place
Would I recognize the face?

Something's telling me it might be you
yeah It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...
it's you...
it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life
Maybe it's you
I've been waiting for all of my life


He looked at me and I was caught
mesmerized by his eyes
Thought he was my super hero come to save me
took me on rides in his bat mobile and we zoomed into the night

flew into my life and promised to love me
he said he was just for me
...and for some reason I believed
But see he failed to tell me that there was a  she..and a her as well as me
He said I could be his Louis
hold his cape when he stepped on scene
be his back-up in his his time of need
but see he didn't tell me that he had
a Robin waiting
she was sitting up late nights looking at the clock
wondering where he was
hoping he would call

I don't want to be a side kick
I don't have to be
All this time and I just realized
that I can be my own super hero
and who needs a super man when I'm a super woman

Jazz and Romance

The worst idea ever bloggers is for a single girl like myself to read a sappy romance past dark with nice romantic jazz playing... really it is a very bad idea. I found myself thinking about love and all kind of things I just didn't want to think of. For a minute I even thought about calling an ex and making a weekend date... and that people is a very bad idea since all my exs happen to be either guys I could see myself with but they didn't want forever with me OR dudes who wanted forever with me but I didn't want another moment with them.. at least not romantically. Why is it bloggers that the only guys that I seem to be really INTO think that I have mistress stamped across my forehead? When I look in the mirror I see a wife, a mother not in the least a play thing only to be used without the benefits by some two timing man. I refuse ... look else where.
Anyway bloggers I told you I would tell you more about me and love  didn't I? I wrote that I would tell you about this crazy guy my family loves... wait I didn't tell yall he was crazy in the last love post...oops!  Well in order to tell you about my ordeal with love I have to go back a ways. it's a long story but not as long as some...stay tuned

book... Christmas Eve at Friday Harbor Lisa Kleypas
music.. blog playlist

Just Me

O k all .. Lately I have been in a kinda ... ugly everyday stage. Not sure why. I love to do different things to my hair and mix and match new cute outfits but for some reason I have so not felt like doing that for the past few months .. well thats over. I don't know what my deal was but Ms.Mieka is back and ready to be extra cute. I need a plan... and ummm to go back to work so that I can support this cuteness that I love so much :) So first thing tomorrow I'm going to work on it. get a plan and do it. Now I need to tell yall something about myself... I love to talk a good game..really I do... every few months this motivation to do ...something... finds me and for a little while I'm all "YES YES YES! but as time pass those YESES becomes  ..yes..yes..yes.. and they just go away. not sure if I'm making this clear but .... I loose the motivation ...gotta find a way to keep it ... lol really I do. Anyway yall for now thats the plan.
I wasn't going to have a resolution this year after all for the longest they have been to loose weight and ummm I'm still fat lol but I feel that I need one sooooo...
I'm going to stop being so unmotivated.. stop being so lazy in all that I do ..and really I am lazy
In school I settle for Bs when I could make As with just some effort ...and well I won't get on this whole fat thing... But I will say I need to start eating healthy and walking again if for no other reason then to be healthy and feel better. I like being me I just wish I was MORE me. So yall keep your fingers crossed that I can do this lil bit. By 28 I want to be a not so lazy :) motivated happy ..healthy if not smaller... me. Lets get it!... wait can I put in love in well bump that I only have 6 months.

Gabourey Sidibe "Precious"

Am I the only one sick of the 'Precious' jokes? Am I the only one who wants to start 'going off' when someone makes a joke about her. "She's" The crazy thing is that some of the people who are saying theses things happen to be over weight black women. Is this only crazy to me?
I am sick of it, I really am. The jokes about her have never been funny to me regardless of how many people have said them and how popular or famous said people were. I quite frankly bloggers think it has become ridiculous. I want to scream to the world "How Dare You?!!" How dare you open your mouth to criticize and talk about someone who is doing more with her life, seeing more, then most will ever do or see. How dare you have the audacity to insult someone this much who you know nothing about other then what she looks like? Who are you to say these things? This has really just set me off and put me in a bad place bloggers. I honestly do not think that the young lady is that unattractive, fat..yes.. dark skinned yes. But to use the words 'Fat' and 'Black' to insult someone is just crazy to me. Guess what bloggers I am fat and black ... Now what world?
I just can't believe the ignorance of people. For what ever reason people seem to fail to realize that there is much more then just their idea of beauty.
There are many beautiful people in the world but guess what? They, in most cases had nothing to do with the way they look. With the exception of make-up it's genes. That right people your genetics decides how you will look. The next time you decide to insult someone insult the things that they had some effect on, their intelligence maybe?... education?
Earlier today while watching the Big C on Showtime a family member of mine made some uncalled for comments directed towards Gabourey Sidibe. At the time I got a little upset but the reason for this blog came when I read a comment that was written as a status on a facebook group page that I have joined:


This comment is the reason for this blog.. Are you really serious? Before anyone else can start to accept us the acceptance has to start at home in our own communities.  I read this status and was feeling good about it until the Precious comment. 'We are not all Precious' No we are not. Too many black, white, brown, fat skinny women are not nearly as confident as Gabourey Sidibe. Not many of us would have went to an movie audition hoping to get the part in a big movie. In fact there are women all around the world who have stopped life because of insecurities.

Gabourey Sidibe I for one applaud you. You are beautiful, confident, intelligent and successful. I hope to reach your heights one day soon.

“I used to get hurt so badly. Any bit of criticism, I would cry. But at some point I just realized, I count more than anyone else, or anybody’s opinion, because I’m living my life — I’m captain of this ship, without a first mate. And I really, really like who I am. I really, really dig me.” Gabourey Sidibe

So he says he love me.....

My family loves to bring up this dude I used to date whenever we all get together. They loved the dude only problem is that I didn't. I ran into him about two months ago and we talked for a little while.. well actually he goes to the same university as I do... while I procrastinator that I am is still working on one degree.. don't get me wrong yall I love that I finally got it together with this school thing but I'm just being honest.... umm anyway he is working on a second masters and from here his plan is to get a PH.D.  ... are you starting to see why they like him so much :) Even my crazy uncle .. likes him...  So when I ran into him we chatted for a while and exchanged numbers.. as I was doing this my mind was screaming "DON'T" but I did. So we have had a few conversations... Bloggers I was really hoping that something would be different something.. but it was the same ole thing I just don't see myself in love with him..BUT when we dated he told me that he was in love with me and by the things that he has said to me I know that would like to start up a relationship with me again ...well wait I don't feel like we were in a relationship the first time.. just ummm two people of the opposite sex who hung out, watched movies went to dinner every ... well 3 times out the week and saw each other every I'm being stupid... a relationship. I... I don't want that!...I .... I don't think I want that? shoot bloggers I don't know
You know what I want what I REALLY want?
I want a man who I am crazy attracted to... not saying he has to be Will Smith... who has mad confidence, and is doing SOMETHING with his life. For whatever reason all the guys that I date who I can see myself into are really BAD for me (tears, broken-heart...blah blah blah) and all the ones who seem to be GOOD for me I'm just not..into
Is it me bloggers... I really want to know.. am I allowing myself to only really like ...cheater, liars, users... and turning away all the men I can have a future with?
There is a lot more to this story but I'ma just think on this a lil bit B4 I tell you the whole deal with this dude and why I may be a failure in love.