Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Mieka No comment yet

5/10/16

life goes on w/o you
slowly it seems but in reality no slower than when you were here
some moments change your life...loosing you changed mine
I'm not as care free w/o you
i don't laugh the same as I used to
tears are hard to find but need to fall
I'm... harder w/o you
not soft or kind
my laugh taste bitter
and I only laugh to find my tears

I don't have to say that I miss you
because they all know
they miss you too
I don't have to find anyone to share my pain
because left behind is a whole family who longs for you
we remember
 
Mieka No comment yet

Happy Fathers Day!!


The dictionary has many definitions of the word FATHER
fa·ther
a. To acknowledge responsibility for.
b. To act or serve as a father.
c. A man who raises a child.
d. any male acting in a paternal capacity
Of course there are more but these are the definitions that describe my relationship with the word father

My father was strong, he was there was I was a small child
And he was there when I was not so small but yet still a child
He was there whenever I needed him to laugh and cry with me, there when I learned to cook, willing to taste my first cake (which was purple) :)
He taught me how to drive, was patient and willing (even though I was really bad at it)
He was my great uncle, not a relation that people first think of when the word father comes to mind, but he was mine. He taught me that men should be responsible and be there. I learned from him how to say I'm sorry when I'm wrong, to love even those who hurt me and to still laugh and smile even when the world is crazy and those you trust have let you down..
And although I'm sometimes less than nice it is my uncle who is responsible for the times that I am nice. He taught me how to be giving and to be kind
He was my father, my dad my papa and any other word to describe a man who takes care of a child, loves a child and teaches that child.

Miss you more everyday and yet I miss you EVERYDAY the same.
Mieka No comment yet

Seven

The world goes on,
but I  will always remember,
and as days turn into weeks
and weeks into months that become years,
the pain of losing you still feels like yesterday. 



Year seven and my tears are still falling
my heart is still hurting
and I still miss you
thought about your laugh
and your smile today about your voice
                                                      and your gentle way


...missing you more than yesterday and yet missing you everyday the same.

Mieka No comment yet

Spring Fever

I have never been man crazy, never felt like I needed a man to survive or to be happy but there are many people around me who feel this way. In the last 2 weeks I have had to listen to more 'I need a man' whining and heard more 'don't worry sweetheart you'll find him' said to me in almost two years. And really bloggers it is EVERYWHERE! My friends want a man and all the ones who have one think that they should help me 'find' one as if men are lost. And if one more member of my family remind me that I've been single for a WHILE by saying 'Why don't you call ------ and go out... Or '------ was a good man, nothings wrong with him' I'm going to start to scream. Why is it that people HATE to see someone else single. Even friends in unhappy marriages, or bad relationships seem to think that being single is a curse, I realize that 28 is not 21 but neither is it 51. I still have time to meet a man whom I can love and have 2.5 kids with. I really need a vacay away from the Spring Fever that is about to start..... before it hits me too.
Mieka No comment yet

"you don't even have a man!"

So yes I am the one who called him but right now I'm asking myself WHY?
well ok  I know why... My sister and I got into an argument about her boyfriend whom I have some issues with but I won't air out her laundry (as dirty...or as clean as it may be) and she basically told me to mind my own business and besides "You", meaning me "don't even have a man." This statement reminded me that there was an ex that I've intended to call for the last week or so. So I called with the intention of maybe setting up a hang out, chill out date and what do you know brother man is just as obnoxious as he was when we dated. How could I have forgotten his 'I'm always right and I know everything' manner. I am so kicking myself right now bloggers for letting my sisters comment make me feel like I 'needed' a relationship or a 'man' for even a second. I really do want a relationship BUT I want a healthy, secure, loving one. Just anything is not good enough for me and it shouldn't be good enough for anyone. *A piece of man is NOT better then no man. ...
Mieka No comment yet

Friend


Words such as best-friend, bestie, bff and friend have become very popular. In my opinion too popular. When ever I hear someone say any of these words I always wonder how true they are.
I had very few friends until college, maybe about three people at one time or another whom I would call a friend. It wasn't until college that I really knew what that word entitled. My sister recently had a lunch date with her 'friends' including her 'bff' and didn't go because of money. Money has never stopped my friends and I from going out and having a good time. If they don't have the cash than lunch is on me and vice versa. I have the type of friends who send me money (without me asking or even saying a word about it) because my cell is off. I have the type of friends who stay in the hospital with me all night regardless of work and class. My friends have driven 30min back to the dorm to come and get me after they've gotten off work and 30min back to the city because I needed to go to the store. They've let me drive their car to work everyday, when I didn't have my own. They cried as many tears as I did at  my at my brothers and uncles funerals. They have been there and are still there. Money, no money, broken down cars, no car, laughter, sadness, disagreements, death, and life...they are there.  Life happens sometimes (babies, husbands, work, school, family..and disagreements) and we don't talk for weeks and yet we still are devoted to our friendship.
I'm not sure if people know what friendship really is... an extension of your family most times even closer
Mieka 1 comment

5am tears

my brothers and I

...know how you try to put something out of your mind...just so you can make it through the next day? How you try to forget to hurt or cry so that you won't have to? I've been doing that all week.... only it's not working and right now at 5am the hurt has caught up to me and the tears that have been lying in wait are starting to fall. Tomorrow will make six years since my brother passed and ..... and right this second I can no longer hide behind... school or friends. Right now the reality of my loss is staring me right in the face and I can't seem to close my eyes to the fact that six years ago I lost someone wonderful, someone that the grown up me was just beginning to know and understand. So here I am, sad, depressed and typing b/c I haven't been able to face whats happening to my emotions right now much less discuss it.
There are few regrets that I have when it comes to my brother, He loved me..I know that and I loved him and he was aware of my love. The last time we talked in fact we said those words. I'm so happy that it worked out that way. What I do regret is that I didn't understand sooner how hard his life was... that I wasn't grown up enough at 16 or even 19 to know how much he had to bear. My brother developed kidney disease at 8 years old and his life was full of hospital visits and doctors and needles and..... and yet he still laughed... he still enjoyed every minute that he was given. I don't want you to think that I am making him out to be an angle...he wasn't... that boy had a temper on him :) but he was also sweet and kind and so very giving.  I just hate that he left when we were starting to build .. something more. Hate that I lost him when I had just gotten to an age where I was mature enough to understand what he faced.. The constant uncertainties that life offers.... The very first memory that I have of life is of my brother... I was about 3.. maybe.. which would mean he was 7 and he was giving me chips... ..... He was my brother bloggers the first person in my family to give me a birthday gift ... the reason I know and understand how important the words I love you can be... And right now at 5am he's the reason for the tears that are falling down my face and the longing I feel... I miss his laugh.. his voice and yes even that terrible temper.
Mieka No comment yet

Happy Day mommy

It's my grandma b-day!! My grandmother has always been the most important person in my life. She raised me and my brothers and sister. She has always been there no matter how many times we have messed up... and let me tell you bloggers ...we have messed up, some more than others. Her love has always been strong and her arms are always open.  My grandmother is one of the reasons I have so much faith and so much hope, she put those feelings in my heart from a very early age. She taught me that even when the world has treated you bad and friends have turned their  back ..YOU can still stand up be strong and walk forward. The first time I went to college I thought it was time to party unfortunately I didn't do much real class work. When my grades dropped and I lost my grants, my grandmother looked at me told me to stop crying "I'll give you the money...Go back. Everybody make mistakes Mieka, you just don't keep making them."
Happy-Day to the strongest, most loving, giving person I know
Mieka No comment yet

Grandma

My grandmother
More beautiful then any other person to me .. inside and out


g-ma and the great-grands

As you can see in my family we come in all Colors lol
Mieka No comment yet

aaaaawwwwwwhahhaaaa

My aunt is getting on my first and last people...really she is. To be completely honest with yall, this is nothing new ..she always getting on my nerves. I mean it's crazy. I say left, she say right. I say red, she say blue... Did I mention that these are decision about my life? You would think that I'm going on 12 instead of 27..I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!
I'm a to my self sort..meaning b4 I talk to anyone about anything I've already figured it out in my mind...am I always right? Of course not BUT I don't need YOU to tell me what YOU 'think' I should freaking do every time I pick up the phone to call you.
Another thing she do that BUGGS the hell out of me... My aunt loves to call me when I'm in stressful situations so that she can talk and talk and freaking talk .. In the beginning I used to tell her that I didn't feel like talking... Guess what bloggers that would offend her ...and all of a sudden I would find myself in either an argument about how I "act" and some other stuff that I wouldn't listen to or I would find myself in a lecture about my behavior or some other mess....
So now bloggers I don't even waste my time.. I just say hello try to say yeah when she ask a question and ummmhuh until she says bye..BUT do that freaking work NO now I'm just "holding the phone" and she "can't tell if I'm on the phone" no winning...none
Now bloggers maybe I should tell you that my aunt and I are very close..we talk a lot ..I even lived with her for a while ..she helps me when I need it, shes encouraging and I respect her.. BUT the lady is killing me. She has known me all my life she should know when I need space... I'm a lil sick of this!!! it always happens when I'm already stressed about 10 other things..and then she calls with all her blah blah blah..I just want to scream "HUSH I DON'T FREAKIN CARE" the funny thing is that I don't say a thing and yet she still get mad at me... 59 minutes until the next hour..lets see what it brings.
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