I don't really know how I feel today. In the mist of a "dating thing" that I don't think will work.... wait ...I know won't work. I just don't like him as much as I want to. I really want to ask someone married 'How did you know?' 'Did you just settle?'... I don't want to just go through the motions with someone. I want to really be in to it... BE THERE! not wishing I was home with a good book while sitting in front of him.

Wondering if its possible I missed my chance on being happy in love .... I keep dating random guys ..and .....nothing. I'm not willing to settle for anyone less then someone I can be friends with. There was this guy a while back that I was close with who was a good guy ... I may have ended it b/c he had a small penis... well I did end it for those reasons. I know that sex is not everything BUT it is a big part of the relationship.... I don't know people. I do believe that sex can become less important when you have love but come on
people we all want it to be goooooood
No lesson on life in this blog ...I frankly feel kinda blah.

5 reasons ppl divorce http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/35097/top_reasons_people_divorce.html?cat=7


Poor communication

Change in priorities. This can be caused by having kids or due to ones job, big things.

Lack of commitment to the marriage.

Sexual problems.

Kite Day

It's so pretty today. It's a kite day, sunny, bright, and windy. It's just so pretty. I wish I had a kite to fly.

The last time I flew a kite was about four years ago. My best friend and I went to walmart on a day much like today and bought things that normally would be for children. One of those things was a kite. On pretty days we would stand out in front on our dorms and fly our kites, laughing and remembering what it was like to do the same thing 10 years before. People would drive by looking at us laughing and shouting things out there window (mostly guys) but we had fun.. every now and then one of our dorm-mates would come out and stand with us or fly the kites with us and yes laugh with us. I miss those days. My best friend now has an almost 2 year old, work 2 jobs, and go to school... not much time for kite flying.
I truly believe that some people forget how to have fun. Yes as we grow older we must mature (I hope you do lol), but it is my opinion that we must never forget the feeling of flying a kite on a pretty day. So every once in a while go do something that's JUST fun!! Laugh at yourself. Blow bubbles in the wind, swing in the park, and yea fly a kite.

Fat people

Is it crazy for me to say I don't like fat people? lol I mean really. But maybe I should say fat people who ACT fat, the stereotype fat person. you know sleepy and sad all the time. I just want to hit them with something and say "GET UP, BE HAPPY". And then you have the stereotype 'black' fat woman, loud and weaved out with $45 dollar nails and a to lil shirt...ohhwwwhhhh come on people!!! wait..that one is sometimes me lol (not the $45 part more like $25)... well the first one really is the people who get on my first and last. They never seem to be cute and they don't do the hair... OK you're fat .."GET OVER IT!!!..or do something about it if you don't like it so much that you can't even be happy. And yes I have my days (read the blog) BUT it's not everyday all day.

I want to be in love. Crazy head over heels love. Heart racing, mind wondering smile stuck on my face love. I miss love. It has been a really long time since I felt that happy just b/c he's with me feeling, and I so want it back again. Recently my cousin who is somewhere around 50 told me that it is always better when he likes (love)you more then you like him. I believe her since I have had my heart broken but can we just love each other the same? I just really want to fall and land on the floor beside him.
For the past few years (4) I have been so afraid of having my heart broken that I have been really hard on guys and in fact have only been dating guys I could keep at a distance...but I'm sick of it. I want to freakin be in love. I want my pulse to race when the phone rings and to stay on the phone with him for hours that seems like seconds, laughing and talking. I want to be able to pick up the phone to "hey baby" (which I never allow men to call me)and loose my breath. I'm so ready for it.
I don't think that love is easy by any means BUT I'm ready to work at it. I'll be 27 this year and my dream of marrying at 25 is in the past. Now I'm just hoping it happens before 30. I don't want to be one of those people who just settle I want to be swept off my feet even if as a realist I know the feeling is bound to diminish and become harder to attain as time pass.

dating... shhh

I decided after my last relationship ... or rather "dating thing" lol that I wouldn't let my family meet the guy until I was more sure about the dude. .. and that still stands. I'm not even telling my bff b/c I think she pick and choose who she tell me about so this time its all me, no one else whispering in my ear about how cute he is or what a good man he seems to be.. Not doing that again.
My family tends to think that as long as a man has a good job then hes a good man, throw in a college degree and you have a winner who's a possible husband. I have come to find that to be VERY untrue. Take one of my exs for example.. H e had a job and went to work every day. He never called out. Problem? He had no ambition not an ounce of it he was completely ok with making $7 an hour and living with a family member, I couldn't understand it, and still don't. I mean why not go out and get more, he wouldn't even go for a better paying job when he had the chance... like I said no ambition. My family loved him after all he was nice and very respectful. My aunt has been telling me what a good man he is for the past 2 years even though she don't know him and if the roles were reversed she wouldn't even smile his way. My friend understands what I'm talking about but she really has no opinion on him. I dated him for about 6-7 months. We are still friends.
Another guy I was dating had a career not JUST a job and not one but two college degrees. No need to say my family thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. THE dude was a psycho. I mean completely crazed..lol.. it's funny now but at the time it was really scary. He kinda just fell really hard for me tooo fast. I knew smething was up right away, told the family and they woluld not hear it at all. They were in love even if I wasn't. My aunt convinced me that I didn't know what was best for me (meaning him) and I listened to her. I shouldn't have. The man was off his rocker. By the end of the relationship I was literally afraid of him. He didn't hit me or anything like that but his emotions were over whelming...We dated for 5-6 months
I'm so happy I was smart enough to not sleep with either of them and that I'm not at all easy. The psyco would have lost it all the way lol.

This time aroud I'm keeping it to myself.

lost friend

It seems that I have lost a friend. And not just any friend, but the person who taught me just what real friendship is. I met her my first year of college, close to seven years ago. We were both walking to class when she said hi and asked me what class I was going to. After a joke we were all set to be friends. She introduced me to her roommate and we became a threesome. Although I have never made friends easily I had a few from the past but none who were as close to me as she became in just a short amount of time.
The first really close friend that I had was a girl named Ericka we met in the seventh grade and were inseparable by the eighth grade. But like all friendships between girls at an to early age their was a boy...lol to be honest he was her boyfriend and stayed that way for two years. Once we got to high school everything began to change. Ericka's relationship ended and the friendship I had with her ex was stronger then ever in fact we became best friends. Somewhere along Ericka and I stopped being friends and for years the only best friend...friend... that I had was a guy. I met my current best friend, Candace, in the 11th grade but we didn't become really close until college.
I wish that I could fix all that has gone wrong between my lost friend and I but the more I try the more distant she seems to becomes. Recently I decided to just simply let it go b/c I can't force her to want to fix this...I can't make her be my friend. But I am sorry that I have lost someone that I very much love and who showed me what friendship is.