change of heart

Mr. Crazy is just too crazy... and controlling...and arrogant...did I say I was going to go out with this dude again....4get about it!


So bloggers I have decided to go out with Mr.Crazy. I just don't know if this is a good idea. I always try to listen to my head and heart about guys. Its just that IDK yall my heart says that 'I don't want to love this dude ....ever' and my head says that this may not be such a good idea..'It didn't work the first time' Sounds like I have an answer huh? lol but then... I don't know if I can give you a real answer. So much about this dude sounds good..pros- educated, gives flowers just b/c, career, plans, likes to travel... cons-likes to be in my space to much, different culture, different religion, supper arrogant. I know that most people get to know people b4 saying that it's not going to work but I just don't see the point in staying in any kind of relationship that has no future. And I kinda feel like we should have gotten to know each other 2 years ago when we dated for 5 months. I don't know bloggers maybe I just don't want to be tied down right now...maybe my heart lies else where, ummm maybe I have read to many romance novels.

Working it

I love this video and so of course I had to post it on my blog. You can often see size 2 to size ....maybe 8 doing this but you almost never see this kind of sexy strength and flexibility from a size 12 or more
if you're ever on youtube check her out!! polefitjourney

It might be you Dave Koz ft India Arie

I Love this song Dave Koz and India..nothing better! Lyrics below
I've been passing time watching trains go by,
All of my life...
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there could be
Someone waiting home for me...

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...

Something telling me it might be you
it telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake
And we've so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life...
Maybe it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life
it' you
Looking back as lovers go walking past...
All of my life...
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place
Would I recognize the face?

Something's telling me it might be you
yeah It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...
it's you...
it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life
Maybe it's you
I've been waiting for all of my life


He looked at me and I was caught
mesmerized by his eyes
Thought he was my super hero come to save me
took me on rides in his bat mobile and we zoomed into the night

flew into my life and promised to love me
he said he was just for me
...and for some reason I believed
But see he failed to tell me that there was a  she..and a her as well as me
He said I could be his Louis
hold his cape when he stepped on scene
be his back-up in his his time of need
but see he didn't tell me that he had
a Robin waiting
she was sitting up late nights looking at the clock
wondering where he was
hoping he would call

I don't want to be a side kick
I don't have to be
All this time and I just realized
that I can be my own super hero
and who needs a super man when I'm a super woman

Jazz and Romance

The worst idea ever bloggers is for a single girl like myself to read a sappy romance past dark with nice romantic jazz playing... really it is a very bad idea. I found myself thinking about love and all kind of things I just didn't want to think of. For a minute I even thought about calling an ex and making a weekend date... and that people is a very bad idea since all my exs happen to be either guys I could see myself with but they didn't want forever with me OR dudes who wanted forever with me but I didn't want another moment with them.. at least not romantically. Why is it bloggers that the only guys that I seem to be really INTO think that I have mistress stamped across my forehead? When I look in the mirror I see a wife, a mother not in the least a play thing only to be used without the benefits by some two timing man. I refuse ... look else where.
Anyway bloggers I told you I would tell you more about me and love  didn't I? I wrote that I would tell you about this crazy guy my family loves... wait I didn't tell yall he was crazy in the last love post...oops!  Well in order to tell you about my ordeal with love I have to go back a ways. it's a long story but not as long as some...stay tuned

book... Christmas Eve at Friday Harbor Lisa Kleypas
music.. blog playlist

Just Me

O k all .. Lately I have been in a kinda ... ugly everyday stage. Not sure why. I love to do different things to my hair and mix and match new cute outfits but for some reason I have so not felt like doing that for the past few months .. well thats over. I don't know what my deal was but Ms.Mieka is back and ready to be extra cute. I need a plan... and ummm to go back to work so that I can support this cuteness that I love so much :) So first thing tomorrow I'm going to work on it. get a plan and do it. Now I need to tell yall something about myself... I love to talk a good game..really I do... every few months this motivation to do ...something... finds me and for a little while I'm all "YES YES YES! but as time pass those YESES becomes  ..yes..yes..yes.. and they just go away. not sure if I'm making this clear but .... I loose the motivation ...gotta find a way to keep it ... lol really I do. Anyway yall for now thats the plan.
I wasn't going to have a resolution this year after all for the longest they have been to loose weight and ummm I'm still fat lol but I feel that I need one sooooo...
I'm going to stop being so unmotivated.. stop being so lazy in all that I do ..and really I am lazy
In school I settle for Bs when I could make As with just some effort ...and well I won't get on this whole fat thing... But I will say I need to start eating healthy and walking again if for no other reason then to be healthy and feel better. I like being me I just wish I was MORE me. So yall keep your fingers crossed that I can do this lil bit. By 28 I want to be a not so lazy :) motivated happy ..healthy if not smaller... me. Lets get it!... wait can I put in love in well bump that I only have 6 months.

Gabourey Sidibe "Precious"

Am I the only one sick of the 'Precious' jokes? Am I the only one who wants to start 'going off' when someone makes a joke about her. "She's" The crazy thing is that some of the people who are saying theses things happen to be over weight black women. Is this only crazy to me?
I am sick of it, I really am. The jokes about her have never been funny to me regardless of how many people have said them and how popular or famous said people were. I quite frankly bloggers think it has become ridiculous. I want to scream to the world "How Dare You?!!" How dare you open your mouth to criticize and talk about someone who is doing more with her life, seeing more, then most will ever do or see. How dare you have the audacity to insult someone this much who you know nothing about other then what she looks like? Who are you to say these things? This has really just set me off and put me in a bad place bloggers. I honestly do not think that the young lady is that unattractive, fat..yes.. dark skinned yes. But to use the words 'Fat' and 'Black' to insult someone is just crazy to me. Guess what bloggers I am fat and black ... Now what world?
I just can't believe the ignorance of people. For what ever reason people seem to fail to realize that there is much more then just their idea of beauty.
There are many beautiful people in the world but guess what? They, in most cases had nothing to do with the way they look. With the exception of make-up it's genes. That right people your genetics decides how you will look. The next time you decide to insult someone insult the things that they had some effect on, their intelligence maybe?... education?
Earlier today while watching the Big C on Showtime a family member of mine made some uncalled for comments directed towards Gabourey Sidibe. At the time I got a little upset but the reason for this blog came when I read a comment that was written as a status on a facebook group page that I have joined:


This comment is the reason for this blog.. Are you really serious? Before anyone else can start to accept us the acceptance has to start at home in our own communities.  I read this status and was feeling good about it until the Precious comment. 'We are not all Precious' No we are not. Too many black, white, brown, fat skinny women are not nearly as confident as Gabourey Sidibe. Not many of us would have went to an movie audition hoping to get the part in a big movie. In fact there are women all around the world who have stopped life because of insecurities.

Gabourey Sidibe I for one applaud you. You are beautiful, confident, intelligent and successful. I hope to reach your heights one day soon.

“I used to get hurt so badly. Any bit of criticism, I would cry. But at some point I just realized, I count more than anyone else, or anybody’s opinion, because I’m living my life — I’m captain of this ship, without a first mate. And I really, really like who I am. I really, really dig me.” Gabourey Sidibe

So he says he love me.....

My family loves to bring up this dude I used to date whenever we all get together. They loved the dude only problem is that I didn't. I ran into him about two months ago and we talked for a little while.. well actually he goes to the same university as I do... while I procrastinator that I am is still working on one degree.. don't get me wrong yall I love that I finally got it together with this school thing but I'm just being honest.... umm anyway he is working on a second masters and from here his plan is to get a PH.D.  ... are you starting to see why they like him so much :) Even my crazy uncle .. likes him...  So when I ran into him we chatted for a while and exchanged numbers.. as I was doing this my mind was screaming "DON'T" but I did. So we have had a few conversations... Bloggers I was really hoping that something would be different something.. but it was the same ole thing I just don't see myself in love with him..BUT when we dated he told me that he was in love with me and by the things that he has said to me I know that would like to start up a relationship with me again ...well wait I don't feel like we were in a relationship the first time.. just ummm two people of the opposite sex who hung out, watched movies went to dinner every ... well 3 times out the week and saw each other every I'm being stupid... a relationship. I... I don't want that!...I .... I don't think I want that? shoot bloggers I don't know
You know what I want what I REALLY want?
I want a man who I am crazy attracted to... not saying he has to be Will Smith... who has mad confidence, and is doing SOMETHING with his life. For whatever reason all the guys that I date who I can see myself into are really BAD for me (tears, broken-heart...blah blah blah) and all the ones who seem to be GOOD for me I'm just not..into
Is it me bloggers... I really want to know.. am I allowing myself to only really like ...cheater, liars, users... and turning away all the men I can have a future with?
There is a lot more to this story but I'ma just think on this a lil bit B4 I tell you the whole deal with this dude and why I may be a failure in love.