Kem "Share My Life"

Makes any difference
I still love you girl
You're my weakness
You changed my world

Share my life
Trust in me
You're all I want
Everything I need (baby)

Makes any difference
I give you all my heart
Girl my sun sets
Anywhere you are

Maybe I'm a dreamer
You're still my queen
Your love's like a river girl
Runnin' right through me

Share my life
Trust in me
Everything you need

Makes any difference
I still love you girl
You're my weakness
I looooooove this song


Have you ever just wanted someone to be.. what they wasn't? Just wanted them to be .. more? That is how I feel about a lot of people in my life. I want them to be more strong, more kind.. more...THEM. The selfish thing is that I don't know if I want them to be this way for themselves or ... for me. I want them to be more hard working, more giving, more loving, more so that they can be someone I can love more, respect more. I want them to want more then just what they have, to be more then just what they are.
I keep meeting all these people who seem to almost be missing something... to not have enough of .. something. People who need MORE.
 I recently started to chat with a guy I used to date, and their are so many good things about him that maybe some other woman would be happy to call him her own, but I don't think that I would. I would like him to be more.. someone who I want to be more for. And while he is highly educated in the way of books and school.. I think his education is very lacking when it comes to women.. if only he knew..more.
Maybe the problem bloggers is that I need to be more. More understanding, more nice,... more ME. I don't know but the world seems to be full of empty people needing to be filled.


I'm a little crazy today bloggers.. I don't know. I feel happy and sad all at once. I guess its an emotional day for me. So much that I have overcame and yet here I am blessed and alive and you know what regardless of all that has passed and all that is gone I am still here able to be happy for yet another day. Today I thank GOD for every single thing that makes me.. me. No I don't have the best of everything and No I have not gotten to where I want to be in life but guess what? I live and I have another opportunity to make it right. GOD is so Awesome. When I think of all the time I spent in confusion and anger when my brother passed and the amount of understanding I have now... I tell you bloggers it is a long way that I have come.. still a long way to go :) but I understand that it was a blessing to have him for just one day. I understand that all things including life only last for a season.
Anyway bloggers I don't know I sometimes go to another place and I just feel Joy in all that I have been through and all that is just good in my life. I'm so happy that I am me.. and yeah I know that I often say that but the thing is that their are so many unhappy people walking around here and so many bitter people who don't seem to realize that happiness is just  a choice away. I'm just glad that I do realize it.

Cameron "Cam" Jerrell Newton

I'm not at all a football fan. I could care less about Alabama vs. Auburn and who is going to win BUT hunni Mr. Cam Newton 6'6, 250lbs is so fine that I am willing to cheer for Auburn for the rest of my life

look at that eyes..legs...hunni just look at him and tell me this is not a super sexy guy.

...Pretty fat chicks..

I found this post online at and wanted to share it.

This is just a gripe session, but it sort of relates to another thread about being ugly.
My gripe is, I am still, after almost two weeks of dieting and watching every calorie, 205 pounds on a 5'6" body. Ok. I went through the whole 'body acceptance' and 'be happy first, then lose weight' deal. I bought size 20 clothes from Lane Bryant (supposedly fashion conscious and chic), got my haircut, revamped my makeup routine and did everything possible to feel somewhat attractive at my current weight.

But it never fails that I run in to some 300 pound woman who's got heads turning in the supermarket. Not because she is huge, but because she is beautiful. These women emanate grace, beauty, sexuality. It isn't just me noticing. I can be out with my skinny friends who are no less attractive, according to my perception, yet we often get 'upstaged' by these truly big beauties that work a crowd like Marylin Monroe.

What is the freakin deal? I can't get a look at 200 pounds and size 20. I can't get a look at 150 pounds and size 14. Yet, I am plagued my the fact that there are women who wake up in the morning, ignore the scale, climb in to their size 28 jeans and take on the world!

Does that bother anyone else?
It is so important to have confidence in yourself and to believe that you are pretty ... everyone has issues just b/c you can't see them don't mean that they are all good with who they are... I think people should concentrate on themselves and their own happiness


Last night after class I was talking to a classmate of mine, and I don't remember what we were talking about but I made a comment about me being fat. She said "don't be negative about yourself" I told her that I wasn't and went on to tell her how I feel about the word fat. Fat is often times used as an insult but in my world its just a fact. I have been fat all my life, it's just one thing about me. I told her that saying I'm fat is the same as saying I'm Black... again just some basic facts about who I am. I went on to tell her that I am a confident, beautiful, intelligent woman and adding the word fat to that group of words did not take from all the good things about me.
Guess what bloggers I'm fat, lol but then you know that by the pictures huh? :) If you have read any of my past blogs then you know that I have been fighting a battle with this 'fat' all my life, so saying I'm FAT does not bother me. This has been me forever, it would be crazy of me to have a problem with using that word after all I have no issue at all with any of the other words used to describe me ..pretty,cute, tall, nice, mean, fun, lame, shy and yeah fat. I am who I am and thats it.
Again I am not saying being fat is all good lol in fact I have written about how hard it was for me growing up as a fat little girl and how hard it is today living as a fat Lady BUT like I always say happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy


Feeling crazy insecure today which means I'm damn lucky that I got these micros in... otherwise my hair would turn out to be some crazy color by the end of the day.. or I would be saying good-bye to natural and hello to a perm and a cute lil cut and still even than, some color. .. Pms is  bad for my hair.
I promise yall my jr. and sr. year of high school my hair color changed bout every week.. I even did this  crazy awful orange color right after high school that I didn't let anyone see but my grandmother..omg it was so ugly!  luckily I still had hair, unfortunately not even a year after that I went blond and this time the hair did come out. I remember standing in my bathroom mirror running a comb through my hair with tears running down my face b/c my hair was just falling out. After that you would think that I would leave the color alone but a year ago I let my best friend take me to pink.
 I'm on the last legs of my period and the last day is always my cry day... but this has been a crazy few months for me.  I'm just in that mood. Maybe I'll go get my nails done, maybe fire engine red or sunny yellow or even better a ray of colours. ummm I don't know but I so don't need any clothes right now (or can afford to buy them 4real with Christmas so close and a nephew I like to buy for). I normally do something really crazy to my hair but since these $200 micros are only a few weeks old..thats out..thank GOD! * :) .... ... Pms is really bad for my hair..somethimes cute... but still bad
insecure- not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious


I refuse to love you... I don't want to love you.....
I ..think I.. I. love you


my heart pounds..the beats so loud I'm almost sure they can hear
my mind is filled to overflowing with ...everything
my eyes are closed.. hoping that I can shut out the reality of whats being said
hoping that when I open them today will be yesterday and that tomorrow never comes
and although I'm not at my end ever moment spent with you flash across my closed eyelids
every moment spent without you
this is not real... it can't be real when I open my eyes it will all be fine
you'll be here laughing talking about something random the way you do
* 1.... 2....3.. I'm going to open my eyes now
none of this ever happened... just like one of the books I read
their will be a happy ending for me
they're still here..why are they still hear
saying the same thing... why are their words the same
I can't breath, their is no air...panting for air.. I scream
none of this they hear none of this they see
I stand there calm tears slowly falling down my face
but in my head I've lost it
I just had a mental break down and where
roses used to be red they are now black and
the sky is now gray the sun blocked
life just changed for me..

Day...ummmm lol

ok so I have so not been bloging everyday ... I could say I have just gotten cought up with school but the truth of the mtter is that I have had very little to say... and the topics I missed... well they were no big deal
 SO day 17..18 19..20? Why do you blog?
I blog because... writing is what I do. I don't always spell correctly or use periods but still.... writing is what I do. I write what I can't say .. what I can't express any other way. I don't write blogs because I need people to read. No, I write them because I need to write.


I hate words that mean nothing so instead of talking to you I'll be silent that way I won't have to hear the lies you'll tell.

Day...16? Question

I believe that if you want something bad enough than you go get it, or you do it. I have always believed that. The problem is .. where does the motivation come from. When you're in a dark, deep hole and the walls are closing in, and you know what you NEED to do... how to you push yourself to do it?

I know this question sounds like I'm in a bad place right now but I'm not, and that's why I can ask this question. I just simply want to understand how some people can keep fighting even when the world has knocked them down repeatedly and some people just stop at the first sign of trouble.

Solange Knowles

Ok .. I got this picture from facebook. Miss Jessie's, which is a brand of natural hair care products put it up.
So far it has gotten quite a few comments and so far the people say they love this picture, it's so pretty, she looks wonderful in it..they say. Bloggers .. REALLY! I hate this picture. I think that Solange is a pretty girl but this picture is so NOT. I don't like her hair, makeup, or outfit. I'm all for natural hair, after all I have it myself, but just because you're natural does not mean you always look pretty. As I have written before I think natural people are just a tad bit crazy... permed, straight, natural, whatever! its just hair people and it's ok to say when it's not cute. ..As I said it's not just the hair thats a problem for me in this pic in fact that is the least not cute thing. But come on yall do you think Solange looks her best in this photo or even pretty in this picture? Be honest.... *just sayin'

Now this is an older picture of her,right after the BC. This picture is beautiful.

Day 15

Ok I have so left the whole 30 day thing behind lol.. I will be getting back to it but the whole point of it was to blog everyday, which I have been doing ...for the most part.

So there is this guy that I'm kinda into... and this has been going on for a while... but I'm just not to sure about him. The dude is a cutie, very attractive, but I'm just not sure about...well him. I know him and yet I know nothing about him..if that makes sense. I know that hes into me but I'm just not sure if it's the way I want him to be... Yall please excuse my elementary 'does he like me' emotions right now :) but this is so where I'm at... what to do, what to do?? I had his number but I now have another cell and gave my old one to my nephew to play with .. so it's gone. I would so call him tomorrow but umm... yeah
I saw him tonight yall and I didn't even speak .. I'm just super crazy I know... Thursday I'ma be super cute and I hope I see him.... again excuse the 13 year old infatuation on my 27 year old self lol
Same book different page... me and the 'bestie' still not talking which means who do I tell about the dude lol.. its been almost a month ... crazy I know.. Whats really crazy is that she has no idea why I was so upset and other than the fact that shes stubborn, I have no idea what her issue is.. the situation is kinda funny and more than a little sad...but oh well bloggers life goes on...


Day 14- A picture
A few years ago I decided to not have sex anymore until I met this..Mr. Wonderful. Now to be completely honest with you all this decision had nothing to do with religion. I do believe that premarital sex is a sin and all but my decision ..sad to say was not made because of that. I made the decision because it just wasn't worth it anymore. Yeah I know how that sounds but I'm not against sex .. I love sex really I do, but what I don't love is the idea of sharing myself with someone who doesn't matter. I have never been the 'slut of the neighborhood' type of girl. I didn't loose my virginity until I was eighteen and even than I had this fairy tale in my head of happily ever after.. that idea went out the window however around the time that he told me he was married. After that ..long, dreadful, mishap, I did the whole sex for the sake of sex college thing.. that didn't last long nor was it all that grand a time .. and again even than I wasn't the 'slut of the campus'. The guy I decided on.. having fun with.. was four years younger than me .. 18 to my 22.. and although it was...ummmm lol and he was beautiful to look at... it was just not something that I could then or now see for myself. I just can't see the point of being intimate with someone when you know there will be nothing more then that. What is the point of that? There is 24 hours in a day and15-30 minutes of sex.. (an hour or 2 max.. because lets get real joking about all night, all day sex is fun and all but Come On!...) is not enough to base a relationship on. Another reason I decided to not have sex for just the sake of sex is because I realize that I could never be happy with just that. I need phone calls and dates, conversations and laughs... I need the relationship. Not just any relationship but one that I think could last. There is just no way I see myself having sex with a dude that I can't even see in my tomorrows.. to me thats stupid.  Lets not even get on the health risks that are involved with just random sex... I like life.. I enjoy pain free, medicine free days... Anyway all this was said to simply say... I so miss yeah I know what I just typed and that still stands. I'm not about to go trolling for booty lol but I .. so...miss

Day 13

Secret Desires

More then anything else this world has to offer, I want a family. Not just any kind of family but a good family, and I want to be the best at having that. I want to be a wife and a mother. I want a husband who makes me smile and forget my worries. A man who's strong and loving.. and honest. Someone whom I can laugh with, talk with. I tend to be very hard on guys but that's only because I know what kind of man I want and it has become to easy to point out the 'not hims' and far to hard to find the One. But to be honest with you I'm not all that much in a rush to get married, I know more unhappy married people then I do happy married people and being unhappy is unacceptable for me. Two happy minuets shared with the right man is wroth more then fifty unhappy years spent with the wrong one. Before I go on with this I want you to know that I don't think that marriage is just good times and laughs.. I know that it takes work that's why I'm not in a rush. There are so many people getting married just to say 'I'm married' ... that won't be me. I want to be happy. I want a man who is able to make a commitment and who is ready to handle all my craziness. At 27 with everyone around me getting married I'm thinking about marriage more then ever but its not over powering my thoughts. I do believe that it will happen one day when its right.
You know what I want even more than a husband? I want kids. I want sons who look like their father and beautiful daughters with big eyes. I think I have always wanted to be a mother, even before I knew what it took to be one. I just don't think there could be anything better than having this little person who is so much like you and yet so different in every way love you more than anything. I don't think it's easy in fact I think it's the hardest thing in the world to do, but I also think the title of mother is more important and more valuable than any other title you could possibly have.

Day 12.....Oct. 23

they say time heal all wounds
but this cut bleeds daily
it's so deep that you can see within
and every time it begin to stitch
I remember
and the years fall away
months feel like minuets
and then
years feel like seconds
I miss you the way flowers miss the rain
slowly withering away
It'll be alright they said
but what do you do when alright never comes?
how do you cope when there is no going back?
and to move forward means leaving pieces of your heart behind?
I cry for you
tears fall from my eyes and run down my cheeks
I .... I miss you
there's a empty place inside that you use to fill
and my mind is consumed with only thoughts of you
I don't know how to...
to let time heal this ..
I don't know if..
time can heal this
No matter how long I wait
I won't hear you laugh again
I won't hear your voice.. again
tell me
somebody... tell me
How does time heal death.

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one:-- My aunt told me about blogger and I liked the idea of it. I'm always writing down my feelings anyway so I said why not.

Day 11

 Picture of you

my new do


So guess what I got...just guess......
another freakin ticket. I mean OMG police find someone else ...WHO HAVE COMMITED A CRIME to mess with.
So ok turns out one of my freakin break lights were out .. yall I was so screaming... like 4real... so how about my insurance card expired a month ago .. and ok I should have known but hey I freakin didn't b/c hey I DIDN'T... so now I have this HIGH ticket I can't afford to pay.  Life yall just ... life... last night it was killing me but today I'm just like ok my bad ... deal with it, and pay up.. which is what I'm going to do.
I have nothing against the police I mean they are there for a reason .. we need them ... but come on can't yall get someone other than harmless me who was simply coming from class. Ok plans for today update my insurance card, check my lights and go buy a new one and pray that a police don't stop me on the way there.

it's now 8 hrs later in my car to go... and guess what ...guess the freak what?

Day 10

Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

I love music.. all music. their is a song from just about every genres that I could pick out and say 'hey that's my jam' :) Happy, Sad, Bored, Mad... it's all the same for me I don't have a certain type of music or just one song that I listen to. I like nice and easy stuff for the most part. anything with a nice beat and lyrics that make sense, and a artist that can really sing .. or play, and I am on cloud 9.  if you're on the blog then you can hear the play-list and that should give you an idea
** India Arie
** Anthony Hamilton
** Alicia Keys
*** Toni Braxton
*** Will Downing
*** Joe
**** Anita Baker
**** Glenn Jones
**** Kirk Whalum
the list is endless
when I'm hyped then I need some hype music, some club bangers...but those times are rare. for the most part I'm a nice and easy type of girl

Day 09

Something you’re proud of in the past few days

ummm this is kinda hard b/c I don't know if I'm proud of anything in recent days.....I've got nothing lol.... wait.. I'm so happy 'proud' that I got a B in my American history class.. and I'm proud of me .. I can so feel myself becoming more...ummm just more me :)

Day 08

Short term goals for this month and why

♥ Resolve issues with a friend
Y----it just need to be over...
♥ Get this hair done
Y---- I need a new look
♥ Study-Study-Study
Y----- I so want As in these 3 classes
♥ I need to start back walking
Y------ I'm fat
♥ Look for a new JOB
Y------ I need money .NOW!!
♥ go hang out with my niece
Y---- it's been too long since we had a girls day
♥ write something  (poetry)
Y---- b/c I want to lol
Y--- because this is the way I want to live my life happy, loving who I am and with smiles that turn into laughter every step of the way

Day 07

 A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

This is my grandmother.

Day 06

Favorite super hero and why

My favorite super hero is Batman. Now I know it's some Superman fans out there who are like WHAT! lol In a super dude fight I do believe that Superman would win, after all he has all those cool super powers :)*white moment* But when it comes to who of the two I admire most it's hands down Batman. After all Batman choose his life as a super hero, he wasn't born into it, he saw that bad guys needed to be stopped in his city and he got it done. He didn't have to fight crime he came from a wealthy background.. he had plenty of choices. He choose his path. Now I know you can say the same for all.. or most super heroes but come on they all had theses powers... the only decision they had was to be good guy or bad guy. Batman had to be smart, after all he wasn't born with all those abilities. He had to work hard and come up with ideas and gadgets. He's a man I could put on a pedestal. In life we all have hard decisions to make I like to think that I would make the 'batman' choice in life. Work hard, fall in love, and fight the bad guys.

Day 05... sorta

 A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Well right b4 I started this 30 blog thing I talked about going to New Orleans and put up some pics... so today I just want to put up this song that I love by Lifehouse. It's an old song but hey like I said I love it..take a listen

Everything by Lifehouse

Day 04

 A habit that you wish you didn’t have

well I wish I didn't eat my emotions ...
I wish I was more organized

Day 03

 A picture of you and your friends

Day 02

  A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear.... Friend
I don't even really know how to start this letter, I guess by telling you that I'm hurt.. that you hurt me.  You a person that I have come to expect love from,hurt me. My feelings have been stomped on by you my heart broken by and I don't know what words to use to make you understand how I feel right now. I don't know if you even care to know how I feel, but I'm going to write this letter anyway because I need this. I need to release this because it simply need to be said ... or in this case written.
I'm hurt by your disregard of my feelings, I'm hurt because you discussed me with other people... if you felt that their was an issue than you should have come to me in a reasonable manner. I'm hurt because I don't think my friendship ever really mattered to you. I know that I can be a little crazy but I value my friends, I always have. I hold friendship in high regard because I don't think it's easy to come by, not honest, real friendship. I'm hurt because..... wait I'm angry
I'm mad because, I valued you as a friend... I'm mad because I deserve friends who really care about me... I'm mad b/c I should have friends who trust me ... and in the span of  a few minuets I saw and realized how inconsiderate of my feelings you were. I'm mad because you raised your voice, got rude, and disrespected me all for NOTHING. Their was absolutely no reason for you to be mad at me, but by the end of you rant their was every reason for me to be mad at you... to be hurt by you. 20 minutes of silence in a car is nothing, compared to ...well shit who cares... I'm actually over this but since this blog called for a recent incident this one was it ...this letter is at an end

Day 01

 A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

1 I don't trust easily
2 I use poems to express what I can’t simply say
3 It’s hard for me to forgive
4 I write erotic stories and poetry
5 Tomorrow frightens me
6 I want to write something that people will read... newspaper, magazine, books
7 I can't stand people consistently telling me what to do
8 I like to smile
9 I believe that in life we all have the option to experience happiness more then any other emotion
10 I love to read ..can read 6 books in the span of one weekend (romance)
11 I don’t like when people complain a lot, lie, or, make a lot of excuses.
12I try to smile even on my bad days
13I don't expect a lot from people, but feel that I deserve more then I get
14I'm at a point in my life where I only want to surround myself with people who care about me
15  I have decided not to have sex again until I get married

30 Day Blog challenge

ok I got this idea from another blogger. I want to blog everyday but I often don't. While reading her blog I found this blog challenge that calls for a 30 day, everyday blog. The blogs are listed below. Hopefully I pull through and do this daily.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Picture of you

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one a poem..Oct.23

Day 13- You secret desires
Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- A picture of something that inspires you...Why?

Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Your ideal mate

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

idea taken from

Will Downing - Sorry I

New Orleans-

Went to New Orleans for the weekend with two of my friends for one of their birthdays.. and of course it was fun. We walked the streets of the French Quarter and with the rest of the people we partied til dawn. :) if you have never been I seriously suggest you take a trip out. For me it was fun, different, neat and weird all at once. This was my second time going.


I always miss you more in the fall...pretty days make me think of you

Just me ... marriage

so I was having a conversation with hmmm what to call him.... Well a guy who I have known for a few years now. I asked him how he's been and you know all the other stuff you ask someone when you haven't talked in a while. Last time we talked he had just gotten engaged and was moving towards marriage. Well hes now in another relationship and it's almost a year old...yeah its been a min since I talked to him. Some time ago I decided to stop talking to dudes who were in relationships.. I mean really whats the point of it ... I can have friendship with my girls. I don't really need that with a guy who's not mine. So along with a few others he was cut. I changed my number and just let them all go. At that time my married ex was calling me, another ex who I was frankly sick of, at least two other dudes who were in relationships, and  this guy  None of them could be the one for me so  one day I  had enough and said a silent good-bye and that was it. So we talked again tonight and we chatted a bit...I always did like his conversation...  We talked about relationships and if he was ready to pop the question again. He's not.
At 27 years old I just really don't see myself being involved with a man for longer then a year without him asking for forever. When is it too long to simply be 'in' a relationship? Is it wrong to expect more after a certain period of time? Personally I don't think so. I think that too many black women are 'in' relationships instead of being married.


I feel heavy weighed down by ..what I don't know but I need... to release
remove this weight from my chest this chip off my shoulder and just let go..
pour it all out onto a sheet of paper
fill a notebook up with ink
I need... I need...... to.... write
make my words cry so that my eyes don't have to
empty my heart of misery so happiness can take it's place
I need to just feel something different
then what I feel right now.
I need to ...
Let go of things ... people that don't matter to me
just unleash
My mind is racing...stressing
can't take this
looking all around for my pen
I need ... I need my pen
got to get this out
My frustration seems boundless
and if I don't write it in a verse
I'ma let go on her face
why is she talking
Ooooh I need to write
I feel confused, angry, sad
and I can't seem to make any of it go away
I just need ... to put it all on paper
I always feel better after I write
I feel better after I write
after it's all down the world feels right
I have to surrender myself to words
submit to the verse
I need to..write

can I read to you

Some ladies dance a dance of temptation
rapped in silk that flows as they slowly move to a beat only their lover can hear
Some women sing songs by Luther
In a pretty bird like voice as their significant others listens
and some simply use their eyes to hypnotize
their bodies to mesmerize
But I want to read to you
speak this poem slowly ... softly to you
Use my voice to seduce you
My words will enchant you
warming your body and speeding your pulse
Send out an invitation just for you
Some women giggle in charming ways
others pose in model stances
Some use the whiteness of their smiles
all just to draw him closer
But I want to read to you
Captivate you with the intelligence of my words
Excite you with the visions they bring to mind
you and me not just bodies combined but minds intertwined
I want to read to you
Can I.... read to you
speak this verse and fascinate you
make a rhyme that will entice you
My composition so unique that it touches you
Some women play coy
bat their eyes and blush
But me... *smile*
I just want to read to you

Luther Vandross - Any love


I laughed today
thought about you and felt joy in my heart
got up early watched the sun rise
walked on the dew wet grass and picked a flower all while thinking of you

I remember the roughness of you hand
the loudness of your laugh
I remember you

cried tonight for you
it's amazing how nothing else hurts as much as the loss of you
how even as months turn into years I still miss you everyday just the same
and no matter how many tears fall there are still more yet to fall

I remember the sparkle in your eyes
the rumble of your voice
I... often think of you.


not in the mood for your conversation
I have nothing to say to you
don't want to see you
hate that I'm thinking of you...writing this for you
I want to cuss you out ..*beep* beep* beep* you
point my finger in ya face get ghetto
for then maybe you'll see
only that's not me
so instead I'll take some space just for me
take a time out away from you


I don't know how I got to this point ..
but I'm not sure if I even like you
know that I love you after all this friendship has been going on for years
but do I like you?
I hate how you lie by omitting things
and I hate that so much about you is in shadow
I hate how you think you're nice when in fact you're anything but
I hate how inconsiderate you are and how you never seem to be willing to simply offer to help
not sure when this happened but maybe it's always held true
maybe circumstances pushed us together
maybe it wasn't simply me and you
I hate that sometimes you seem so fake
so uncaring so not a friend
I hate that I still want to be there for you
make you smile when you're sad
be your support when you're in need
you know the way it always seem to be
me there for you ... you sometimes there for me
I hate that you're so in tuned with my life
and yet I'm standing on the outside of yours
don't know how much longer I can just be here
Cause see I'm not sure if I even like you anymore


So I like him
not sure if this is simply attraction or something more
not sure if it will last or end before it even starts
but I'm willing
willing to take his hand and follow where ever he leads

as long as where he leads is where I'm willing to follow
if he understands my need for friendship without sex
my need for honesty even when the truth hurts
and my need for trust because if  I'm with him that is truly where I want to be

So I like him
the way he smiles at me when our eyes meet
the way my skin flushes red when he holds my hand
the way I feel like a preteen when hes near..
that first crush that made me giggle and stare

but wait
Lets not get carried away
I like him but this could be over tomorrow
not sure how he feels if this is real
but I'm willing to open my mind to the possibility
of... maybe


I'm sitting here..need to be studying... thinking about my life. I'm's just crazy how time flies. in less then 3 years I'll be 30. This is so not where where I saw my life being 10 years back. At 17 the world seem so different new. lol But anyway this is not a sad down and out blog. it's just some thoughts. I look at older people around me and I always wonder how they got to the point that they are at now. My mom is 53 years old in all of my 27 years I haven't seen her do much of anything ... travel nowhere. How do you get to that place where hope ends and life simply begins. And yeah I know this is not how it is for everyone but I know so many people who just seem to be living life unhappy. my goal is to be happy no matter where I am .. who I'm with or what I'm doing. I want to be more then content with my life . I want to live. I want to laugh. I want to love. I don't want to ever be in a place in my life where my regrets are bigger then my accomplishment, more regrets then the moments that have made me happy. I don't want my life to just simply get away from me.
I feel like I need a new chapter another page in this story of life
Anyway ... I feel like I need something new right now. I don't know a new place.. new friend ... just something new.. I have no plans on leaving the old behind but...I ... just... need....Something.

....still fat

Ok yall I have been so freakin slacking with my diet. So tomorrow I'm going shopping and buying some healthy food and I'm so starting back walking everyday for an hour starting tomorrow. If you have read any of the blog you know that I love me and I am a very confident woman but yall I'm sick of being this fat ... I feel so different after this 50+ pounds that I have lost. I don't want to gain it back nor do I want to be content at this size... I want to be happy at a smaller size... I can so see the person I want to be ... shes waving at me.  I need this. I watched a show on tv tonight and this ex-fat lady said that after loosing all her weight she is now the person she has always been in her mind. And yall that is so me ... In my mind I'm just a happy free 27 year old lady. I don't think of myself as fat.... anyway I'm getting a lil sick of even typing about this I just want to be about it..... so therfore

God's Will by Martina McBride *Lyrics*

lil dude

Feeling so freakin good about myself today ..... I saw this lil dude today and.. yall he is just so freaking H-O-T to meeee. oh lol but anyway.. don't even ask me what happened with that lil bit cause I really just don't know .. he walked over to me asked for my number .. he thought I was H-O-T but anyway we talked a few times and ... well ummm I don't know it just didn't go anywhere but he was looking so oooh wee today that I may have to give it another go.. think I'ma text him now and see if he has the same number ...ummm to text or not to text...
Now that I think about it ... he was not forward enough for me I'm use to guys who are all in my face making sure I know that they like me... and another thing that made me "loose" his number... I felt that he was not being honest with me...and I just don't deal with lies.  ummm I don't kno yall we will se what happens ...


I want to write a poem that has nothing to do with
Not your smile,..your laugh...
Nothing that mentions a thing about your sexy swag or deep dark eyes
I want my pen to flow across the paper like it use to
B4 there was a you and me
and late nights spent in blind bliss
B4 I started writing sappy pieces filled with impressions of you...
I want my words to stop hitting the paper like tears
Stop the sounds of agony they make when read aloud
I just want to write like I use to
 b4 your lies and mistreatment
poems that are just full of ME and empty of you