ok first for the OMG... I had a job interview today. My worst fear..besides not getting the job was that I would be ready to go and my car wouldn't work ..well surprise surprise it freakin worked..and I think the interviews went well. Now they will do the background check and my last interview and I'm in... *cross your fingers* I really want this job really really really really!! and I really need it send up a prayer for me bloggers.
So now for the Really?... after working to go across town and coming back home I was feeling really good about Baby (thats my car). I was so hopeful that all was now well even though I have only had a oil change and even after that I had some problems.. So I come home sit for a while ...change for class, walk out to Baby ..... And freakin nothing I mean NOTHING!!  it is making noise but it won't freakin just dies after a second.
People I so need my car to do right... I have my last interview Monday... I'm thinking that I should take what little money I have saved and take Baby to the shop, I just want to wait until I hear from this Job first b/c if I get it then there we go A paycheck ... a way to fix my car .. and then get another one. I haven't already done that b/c I just really needed that money to stay on top of bills...
awwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaww thats me screaming ...
kinda feel like crying but I told myself a while back that I won't sit down and cry about things but instead try to find a solution ... I am tempted bloggers
I hate going from feeling on top of the world to feeling down and out... I wish things would just go right for at least 1 Whole Week... I mean nothing going wrong. No car trouble, No disappointing news, No friend calling me whining and complaining about their less then perfect life if mine is so awesome ...(thats for another blog). I know that life is going to be filled with downs...and that there will be ups...but yall I have been having alot of downs..
Ok enough of the pity party .. it's done and it will work out some way... some how ... it always does..and I always find a way.
Good news.. I'm still walking and feeling more confident in my ability to follow though on this weight journey everyday, my hair is napper then ever lol but I am so feeling least on most days :) I'm good, I'm me and I'm alive, and with each new day I have the opportunity to make things better...Nothing better then that bloggers


Just wanted to say that I'm still walking ...just haven't been blogging. And I'm no longer having issues with my foot and leg..guess I just needed to get used to it. My best friend and my G-ma have been going with me.. my classmate has not returned .. I don't have an issue with going alone..I don't want to give you that idea .. I just like the company.  I am so excited about this journey .. and so happy that I still feel motivated to do this. in the past I have always stopped ... but I just feel like this time I can move forward .. I have not forgotten the pics.... it's coming ...I do still plan on moving my blogs about walking to another separate page.. The name of it is Fat Girl Walking .. url/ more then likely that will be the place I post up the pics.. My hair is doing really well ... I have really started to like it.


ok went walking again today this time with my sister.. who really just went to keep me company. I don't think my classmate is serious about doing this although she did talk a good game that first day. I'm disappointed in her but hey this is about my journey for me and not hers..I'll let her know that I'm here but other then that I can't force her to want this ...I asked her about walking tomorrow and even the next day but of course she "can't".."things to do" now bloggers she don't got no....yes don't got no lol... job just like I ain't got no whats the the whole day you can't do something that will change your life with someone who also wants to make the change.. I don't know bloggers but I don't expect to see her at the track much or even again so it's just me trying to stay motivated by myself the way my leg is still killing me lol...something is going on with my left foot.. I seem to be walking on the side of it instead of the way I'm 'pose to ... it's making my whole leg hurt....I really have to find out whats up with that b/c the pain is nothing nice. chanting you can do it

From Perm to Natural

My natural cut
 not the way people normally cut their hair when they make the jump but unlike most of my friends who are taking the jump My head is just to big to go that rout lol
Take my friend Tamara for example
She is just so working it with the mini but her head is so much smaller thin mine lol
So this is the cut I'll be rockin while I go natural ... I will keep you posted on my hair journey bloggers

Day 1- Walking

Ok so I finally started walking today and I feel so good about this. Its been a really loooooonnng time since I have even tried to diet..much less exercise... but I'm back in business. I went walking today with a friend of mine.. an old co-worker and new classmate, who's also plus sized. She's going though a divorce right now and she just really need a this is her start.
Me? I'm just sick of being limited by my size. Sick of shopping for hours at select stores..only to still find nothing, sick of feeling tired at the smallest amount of walking... and simply sick of being this fat...I need a change and this is my start.
So wish me luck bloggers.. I so need to stick to it this time .. I will let you know how its going... 
 Oh I have also cut all my hair off and I'm going natural perms.... omg the hair is a mess right coming soon.. I'll try to remember to start taking at lest one full body shot a month so you can see my rtprogress... maybe start up another blog about this journey I'm embarking on....My leg is K-I-L-L-I-N-G killing me...

Calloway - I Want To Be Rich Official Video


pose to start walking tomorrow with a friend ...frankly I'm stressin so much right now that I've got to do something.
ahhhhhaahhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhhhh....Thats me screaming

Article I found online...READ IT!!

Behind the statistics about single mothers lies a complicated story about men
Betty BayƩ

A friend recently took a European vacation with her man and expects to meet his parents later this year.
"Do you think he's the one?" I whispered to her when the other women around us weren't listening.
"Maybe," she said, flashing a very hopeful grin.
Later, it occurred to me that I have quite a few women friends, either in their 50s or close to it, who have never been married.
Mostly, they're solidly educated, well-read and well-traveled professionals and entrepreneurs. Yet, as together as they are, they remain among the African-American never-marrieds.
Don't get me wrong. Few of my never-married women friends sit around pining for some prince. They hardly have time. They're thoroughly modern; in fact, several haven't allowed the absence of a groom to deny them motherhood. Some are solo parents of adopted children and foster children, and a few have given birth the old-fashioned way, fully expecting to rely on "the village" (family, friends, church or such groups as Big Brothers/Big Sisters) to assist them with their parenting.
Still, plenty of life-long unmarried African Americans I know would love to marry. Or, as one put it, "to at least be asked."
Sadly, as many as a third of African-American women who harbor such dreams won't see them fulfilled if they limit their choice of mates to only African-American men.
Though my eyeballing is suggesting ever more strongly these days that younger African-American women aren't bothering to limit their marriage options to black men, the 2000 Census found that 73 percent of black-white couples were black men married to white women.
The dilemma for African-American women who wish to marry African-American men virtually shouted from the pages of the March Governing magazine.
An article about altering welfare policies to focus on fathers included a chart showing that the percentage of black children under 18 years old living with a single, never-married parent rose from 14.1 percent in 1970 to 28.7 percent in 1980, to 51.8 percent in 1990, to 63 percent in 2002. ( I think it's now 71%)Numerous studies over the years have given explanations for the absence of enough marriageable black men to go around.
Some key reasons include welfare policies that drove men out of poor black households, black men's chronic joblessness (their rates often are double and triple that of whites) and the government's war on drugs. For at least two generations now, that war has resulted in hundreds of thousands of African-American males spending their prime years for getting educated and marrying behind bars.
Other factors are homosexuality and the lopsided mortality rate for African-American men compared to every other group. A new study of health inequalities, for example, found that African-American men account disproportionately for African Americans' 83,000 "excess deaths" in any given year.
So, when all is said and done, the pickings are pretty slim for African-American women romantically interested in black men only. And the irony to me is how many Sundays such women sit in churches being lectured, mostly by married male preachers, that if they want to marry, it's their duty to do so with men with whom they're "evenly yoked" -- meaning men who are similar in faith, income, education and dreams.
"Easy for the preacher to say," many women mumble as they look around in the church, on the job and out in the world and see what's as clear as the noses on their faces: that most of the black men with whom they'd stand a chance of being evenly yoked aren't available.
Obviously, there's a need for more African-American men to get themselves together; to take more serious personal responsibility for their lives. But African Americans didn't create this imbalance between black men and women all by themselves. Nor can they fix it all by themselves. If we as a society are demanding that more black men become good husbands and responsible fathers, we must also strive to eradicate the social, economic and political policies that unfairly target black males to fail and that perpetuate the false notion that, in the words of one recent study, "the dramatic rise in African-American single motherhood is a capricious choice."

Betty BayƩ reports on social issues with an emphasis on women and African-Americans. Her column appears Thursdays in The Forum. Read them online at;

What happened to the black MAN??..II

One of the most important and most influential people in my life growing up was my great-uncle Mr. Charlie Huffman.  Uncle Charlie was there when I was a toddler holding my hand, babysitting me while my mom and grandma was at work, and just simply there. My uncle took me to school everyday and when my sister and I wanted to play jump rope he would turn the other end since there was only two of us and my brothers didn't want to play with "lil girls". The first time I rode my bike without training wheels Uncle Charlie was there cheering  me on and when I fell off he dusted me off told me "you can do it girl" and put me back on, and when I was able to ride without falling off he said " there you go girl, you sho can ride that bike"... he ..was there.
I didn't have a father growing up. I know who he is of course, and I saw him from time to time but it was Uncle Charlie who was my dad. Uncle Charlie who took me shopping, met my first boyfriend, and taught me how to drive. Some nights we would sit up til the sun came up laughing and watching movies, and on the weekend we would take a long drive to the country.
He was nice, kind, and sweet. and still had a job at 80 years old.
He fixed things that was broken without anyone asking, he mowed the grass, raked the yard, planted flowers, and still managed to look out for me. He was a man.
So tell me readers if my uncle was able to do all these things at 80 why is it so hard to find a 30 year old man who will do it?


Did I forget to mention that when I stress/become sad, about one thing I get sad/become stressed about everything...EVERYTHING that has gone wrong in the past as well as stuff thats in the present.... really have to stop doing this

I need a J.O.B.

I soooo sooo so need some money which means that I need a job. I lost my job almost two years ago bloggers...thats right two freakin years ago. Lucky for me I received unemployment for a lil bit over a year after I lost i had a lil money. Shortly after that I started school again so once again I was ok. But now we're going into summer and I have no money at all coming in ... and I sill have a few bills that I have to pay...If charter send me one more cable bill for $229.79 when my bill has a $149.00 guarantee .. ahhhhhhhhhn ... just typing that made me want to scream. Now the reason for this blog is that I'm having car trouble AGAIN So I just left the parts store were I spent $54 that I don't have and still got to pay to get the work done.... Now to be honest with you readers I just started to really look for a job... I have filled out every app. that I could find ..I'm at my wits end with this money thing...

I'm a stresser bloggers...and an emotional eater... so right now I feel like crying into a pant of chocolate ice cream followed by some home made fries.... (which would only make me depressed and cry more) I neeeeed neeed a job
I'm a optimistic person so I'm expecting the best but it's hell right now trying to believe that.

My New Best song ever

Even Angels lyrics

-Verse 1

I'm driving in circles
should have bought that new phone
I can't find my way to

all the places I call home

I'm (on my own)
I'm at the station pumping gas
I'm taking out the trash
I'm (all alone)
And whose there Whose there

Since you been gone
I learned how to move on
how to be myself
I don;t need nobody's help
I'm doing so good
I forgot that I could
Live like this


First step
take a deep breath
you don't need a reason why
you can
you can
take take time
you can
you can
walk, run, dive
Close call
think you might fall
but all you gotta do is try
even angels
even angels
learn to fly

-Verse 2

coming home in this late night
should have left the lights on
i can't help but image all the things
that could go wrong
I'm (on my own)
I'm in the kitchen
on the chair
reaching for the top shelf
I'm (all alone)
and I'm okay I'm alright



Everyday im stronger
it can't get better
if it if it
don't hurt
why why
(OOh why)
see me in my next life
heartbreak's a teacher
and now
I love ah love ah
little bit deeper
why oh why (oh why)

what happen to the Black Man?

Definition of a Man
Artist: Jay C. Bakari

I love this picture. This strong black man taking on the world and protecting his child all at the same time.

I often wonder what happened to the black man. I know that we have Obama in the White House, and when it was announced that he was the new President I fell to my knees and with tears running down my face I gave thanks just like all the other black people I know. It was not only time that a black man took charge of what black slaves had built but it was well deserved.
But as I was saying what happened to the black man?

A list of construction workers building the White House in 1795 includes five slaves - named Tom, Peter, Ben, Harry and Daniel -- all put to work as carpenters. Other slaves worked as masons in the government quarries, cutting the stone for early government buildings, including the White House and U.S. Capitol. According to records kept by the White House Historical Association, slaves often worked seven days a week -- even in the hot and humid Washington summers.


So okay I'm back, Happy, Pretty and OH so    me .. so I guess I was simply PMSing the other morning. Still fat But also still very beautiful. (smile)

Like really car...? really??

Okay right now I'm sitting in a stairwell at Troy (my school) waiting until my class takes a brake so that I can waltz right in there if I have been there the whole time.
My car is stupid yall I mean it just is. Every time I need to be somewhere it just wont start I think my car must hate Troy b/c it never seems to want to come hear. I can drive way cross town with no issue whats so ever (thank you GOD that I get back home) but the moment I need to come to class...NOTHING. 
So today it did start but  hunni..  it would go when all of a sudden it wouldn't... but I'm here now.
I'm afraid that it's going to be all crazy for me to get back, ...and wouldn't you know it .. my college is in downtown Montgomery with all kinds of crazies and did I not mention that my last class doesn't end until 10:15..but we do tend to get done soon (thx Ms. Johnson)
So bloggers what am I to do. Let see I have one good friend in Montgomery ...and she gots more going on then a lil bit ...really and the fam  live way across town.
I'm broke ..all the freaking way.. in need of a job.....with no help close at hand
The last thing I need right now is car trouble ..I didn't even tell you that the police seems to have it out for me and keep giving me freakin tickets
I'm bout to loose it bloggers really I'm close.
Pray for for me and this car ..b/c I just need it to do right...Right now.
you always make me same bat time same bat place...?

PMS ing???

It's 5:54am and I just got off the phone with my aunt. During the conversation fat came up...but then of course it did we are both plus sized women. My aunt told me that I may want to stop saying 'I'm pretty' b/c that's what ugly people like to say to people and I'm pretty so I really don't need the words anyway. Now I should explain to you that my aunt is super duper b-o-s-s-y. She tells me how to walk, talk, do my hair and ...well basically everything. I told her that I felt ugly half my life so I tell myself  "I'm Pretty" so that I wont get to that place again... Do you know what she said? this lady...whom I love lol.... said "No you didn't b/c people always told you, you were pretty from the time that you were a baby til now". Now people how she gon just tell me about MY emotions?!? WHAT! So ok I replied "well yeah they did BUT they also would say "..and she so fat" when I was really young, and as I began to grow it was " be so fat" as if you can only be one thing. I told her that when you give someone a compliment and then an insult right after (and at that age fat was an insult now it just is) that it canceled out. And for me that's what happened. I spent my childhood feeling like it wasn't enough to be pretty and feeling ugly because I was fat. And to be honest I have been saying "I'm pretty" more lately, but I have been feeling ugly for a while now, so I need those words to help get me back to the confident woman I am. I'm sick of faking the funk. My aunt should understand this , but all I heard from her was her disbelief in what I said..or rather thats how I felt. It takes a lot for me to come out to someone and say "I don't feel pretty" b/c I am always the person who is happy with myself.
But right now people I'm not, and on top on being fat, It's beena hard few months.
I keep telling myself "get pass it, this is not you" but its not working. I'm sad and it's not all about my weight but alot of it is and the sadder I feel the more I eat. Lately I been looking at pictures of me from fall and comparing them to pictures of me now and there is a huge difference. I feel...just awful.
I hate writing this. I hate putting this down b/c this is not supposed to be me. I am not this person. I'm Pamieka, happy, confident, walk with a twist, and the person that my friends come to for advice. This... is ...not... me.
But since it's all out here anyway maybe I should admit that I fake it alot but I do truly believe that life is what you make it and that happiness is a choice...I just can't figure out how to get there right now.
It's a bad day for me bloggers but then hell who am I kidding it's been a bad few months.
I am VERY possibly just PMSing super hard right now