Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Mieka No comment yet

Trust Issues

This relationship shit tho...! not that I'm in one. lol. I'm again single. Yall I got some serious trust issues ..

Him- "Mieka I want to be with you
Me- "uuummmm"
Him- "What does that mean"
Me- "IDK... I mean I just ... well.. ummm"

It means that for some reason, something that you have already did got me thinking you playing... and I just do not have the time for non-sense.

I've done the whole love thing before and when its good, its wonderful, laugh when its raining wonderful, but hunni when its bad....
So I have some real trust issues people
It's not that I think that all men are bad, but if I get any feeling At all that it's not right ....

#interworkings
 
Mieka No comment yet

5/10/16

life goes on w/o you
slowly it seems but in reality no slower than when you were here
some moments change your life...loosing you changed mine
I'm not as care free w/o you
i don't laugh the same as I used to
tears are hard to find but need to fall
I'm... harder w/o you
not soft or kind
my laugh taste bitter
and I only laugh to find my tears

I don't have to say that I miss you
because they all know
they miss you too
I don't have to find anyone to share my pain
because left behind is a whole family who longs for you
we remember
 
Mieka No comment yet

UpDate -5/9/14



Has it really been over a year.. two, since I wrote anything here? Gosh!! Sooo hello blog.. I'm still me. Still fat in fact more fat but whatever. I know that I need to make major life changes to change that. I'm almost not single. yeah blog world almost. I have been dating someone for the past month and a half and I am crazy feeling him. He's nice. He makes me laugh, and we talk for hours. I like being in his company. So what's the issue? well ummmm lol. He's 22... I'm 30. I'm at a point where I'm kinda ok with it, he being 8 years younger but it takes some getting used to and I'm sure we will face a bit of opposition from family. We shall see where this leads bolggers.


fast forward .... He was SUPER CRAZY lololololol

 
Mieka No comment yet

All or Nothing



Dating is hard bloggers, really it is. Recently a friend of mine went out with this dude and she found herself questioning weather or not he was honest. Well at the time I didn't give it much thought because quite frankly I could care less if the dudes I have been dating lately are honest or not. (I haven't liked any of them beyond a few dates) So there was no wondering or asking myself 'Is this dude 4real?' Well I find myself thinking about my friend right now and how she feels about trusting men.
Relationships have not at all been easy or kind to me. I don't think that all men are going to cheat or lie but I do think that it is hard to determine if you are dating a honest guy. Right now I'm asking myself that question. When it comes to relationships and men I have learned to take everything at face value until I am shown otherwise. .. and believe me when I say it doesn't take much for me to see that a guy who looks to be a nice honest guy isn't. Another thing that I have learned bloggers is that sex makes it very difficult to see a lie coming or to recognize a cheater. It is so important to just get to know the person you're dating before even thinking about being intimate with them. It makes it easier to break up with them and so simple to leave when you find out he's not what he claims. I'm not giving advice with this blog I'm just reminding myself why I'm not in nor have been in a sexual relationship in years. It is so very easy to let yourself fall into lust but it's never worth it to give your all only to watch him walk away later.





2nd VERSE

No need for love
Unless it’s Mr. oh, Mr. Right
And only because
Mixin’ lust with love only mean a fight
‘Cuz there’ll be dues to pay
And most of all many sleepless nights
But that won't be today, no
Guess I’ll see ya, love, it’s been nice
Until then...








Mieka No comment yet

Happy Fathers Day!!


The dictionary has many definitions of the word FATHER
fa·ther
a. To acknowledge responsibility for.
b. To act or serve as a father.
c. A man who raises a child.
d. any male acting in a paternal capacity
Of course there are more but these are the definitions that describe my relationship with the word father

My father was strong, he was there was I was a small child
And he was there when I was not so small but yet still a child
He was there whenever I needed him to laugh and cry with me, there when I learned to cook, willing to taste my first cake (which was purple) :)
He taught me how to drive, was patient and willing (even though I was really bad at it)
He was my great uncle, not a relation that people first think of when the word father comes to mind, but he was mine. He taught me that men should be responsible and be there. I learned from him how to say I'm sorry when I'm wrong, to love even those who hurt me and to still laugh and smile even when the world is crazy and those you trust have let you down..
And although I'm sometimes less than nice it is my uncle who is responsible for the times that I am nice. He taught me how to be giving and to be kind
He was my father, my dad my papa and any other word to describe a man who takes care of a child, loves a child and teaches that child.

Miss you more everyday and yet I miss you EVERYDAY the same.
Mieka No comment yet

Recycled ex

So I recently hung out with an ex and well I don't know if the single life is getting to me but I kinda was ummm feeling him? lol the crazy thing is that I was never that into him. I mean we dated for 6 months and the whole time I was just ....killing time. sad I know, but sometimes a girl needs to get flowers, go to dinner and a movie....With a Man (sorry bestie but you know). Lately I have been feeling more Ms. Mieka (33 lbs will do that) and I think that its the confidence more than anything but the dudes are in my face HARD and it's crazy to  me that I have looked to the past for  a date. I don't know bloggers I am definitely going to explore the possibility of an ex becoming a now.
more
Mieka No comment yet

Spring Fever

I have never been man crazy, never felt like I needed a man to survive or to be happy but there are many people around me who feel this way. In the last 2 weeks I have had to listen to more 'I need a man' whining and heard more 'don't worry sweetheart you'll find him' said to me in almost two years. And really bloggers it is EVERYWHERE! My friends want a man and all the ones who have one think that they should help me 'find' one as if men are lost. And if one more member of my family remind me that I've been single for a WHILE by saying 'Why don't you call ------ and go out... Or '------ was a good man, nothings wrong with him' I'm going to start to scream. Why is it that people HATE to see someone else single. Even friends in unhappy marriages, or bad relationships seem to think that being single is a curse, I realize that 28 is not 21 but neither is it 51. I still have time to meet a man whom I can love and have 2.5 kids with. I really need a vacay away from the Spring Fever that is about to start..... before it hits me too.
Mieka No comment yet

"you don't even have a man!"

So yes I am the one who called him but right now I'm asking myself WHY?
well ok  I know why... My sister and I got into an argument about her boyfriend whom I have some issues with but I won't air out her laundry (as dirty...or as clean as it may be) and she basically told me to mind my own business and besides "You", meaning me "don't even have a man." This statement reminded me that there was an ex that I've intended to call for the last week or so. So I called with the intention of maybe setting up a hang out, chill out date and what do you know brother man is just as obnoxious as he was when we dated. How could I have forgotten his 'I'm always right and I know everything' manner. I am so kicking myself right now bloggers for letting my sisters comment make me feel like I 'needed' a relationship or a 'man' for even a second. I really do want a relationship BUT I want a healthy, secure, loving one. Just anything is not good enough for me and it shouldn't be good enough for anyone. *A piece of man is NOT better then no man. ...
Mieka No comment yet

Fall/Hopeless

I love fall bloggers, the colors, the wind, night chills and warm days. I really do love it. Fall kinda makes me go love crazy as well. I always want to be in a relationship during this time of year. I have all these ideas of the perfect fall date, picnics in the park, walks through the zoo, car rids in the country. Unfortunately my relationships always head south right before this time of year...  meaning dateless and single me. .. Maybe that's why I love the idea of fall love. Oh well maybe in the spring I can walk in the rain while holding his hand. *Hopeless Romantic
Mieka 2 comments

Love Scale




Is it possible to be on equal footing in a relationship bloggers? A long time ago my older cousin told me it was better to be in a relationship with someone who loved you more than you loved them rather than the other way around. Is there no in between? Can we both not be equally in love? In my first experience with love I gave my all, my whole heart was laid bare, unfortunately I loved him more than he loved me. In every relationship since than I have been the one holding all the cards. Since the age of 23 I have always made sure that they loved me, wanted me, desired me far more than I did them. ... But none of those relationships worked. I always felt as if something was missing, and it was. My devotion to the relationship. I don't want a relationship that's one sided I want the whole freaking pie. So is it possible bloggers? Can two people be in a relationship where they are both giving 110% of emotion? Where they are both so into each other that the outside world disappear? Do balanced, equal, relationships exist?
Mieka 1 comment

Hopeless Romantic



I chatted with a good friend over the weekend. We talked about relationships and love and I asked her if maybe I was waiting on this hero out of a romance novel.. she said "umm I think so!" lol But she also admitted to me that she wants all the things that I do. We agreed that we are both hopeless romantics. The problem with being a hopeless romantic is that their doesn't seem to be this grand upstanding, strong guy out there waiting just for you to walk into his life. So in the mean time, what bloggers? Do I date a few less than Mr. Right dudes... ? Well that's what I have been doing and let me tell you I just don't see the point of it all. And no I'm not saying that their are no good men out there, I just seem to have a hard time finding a good man that I can fall for. I know some good guys... have even dated a few in the past few years but it just didn't work for me. As I said in a previous blog I just want someone who I can ... I don't know yall .. forget time with.. laugh for hours with, talk to for days. The problem is that I have yet to meet a guy who I want to .. or can see myself being with forever. Crazy but soooo true.  Maybe I'm scared that I'm going to fall for one of these less than novel heroes and one day my Mr. Right off the cover of a romance will walk up and it'll be to late..ummmmm No!! lol... I just haven't met that guy who takes my breath away, and makes me smile for no reason at all.... Haven't met a man whose a hopeless romantic.



** by the way if you haven't read a Beverly Jenkins book check her out...try Vivid first! lovher
Mieka No comment yet

change of heart

Mr. Crazy is just too crazy... and controlling...and arrogant...did I say I was going to go out with this dude again....4get about it!
Mieka 2 comments

Jazz and Romance

The worst idea ever bloggers is for a single girl like myself to read a sappy romance past dark with nice romantic jazz playing... really it is a very bad idea. I found myself thinking about love and all kind of things I just didn't want to think of. For a minute I even thought about calling an ex and making a weekend date... and that people is a very bad idea since all my exs happen to be either guys I could see myself with but they didn't want forever with me OR dudes who wanted forever with me but I didn't want another moment with them.. at least not romantically. Why is it bloggers that the only guys that I seem to be really INTO think that I have mistress stamped across my forehead? When I look in the mirror I see a wife, a mother not in the least a play thing only to be used without the benefits by some two timing man. I refuse ... look else where.
Anyway bloggers I told you I would tell you more about me and love  didn't I? I wrote that I would tell you about this crazy guy my family loves... wait I didn't tell yall he was crazy in the last love post...oops!  Well in order to tell you about my ordeal with love I have to go back a ways. it's a long story but not as long as some...stay tuned

book... Christmas Eve at Friday Harbor Lisa Kleypas
music.. blog playlist
Mieka No comment yet

Kem "Share My Life"



Makes any difference
I still love you girl
You're my weakness
You changed my world

Share my life
Trust in me
You're all I want
Everything I need (baby)

Makes any difference
I give you all my heart
Girl my sun sets
Anywhere you are

Maybe I'm a dreamer
You're still my queen
Your love's like a river girl
Runnin' right through me

Share my life
Trust in me
Everything you need

Makes any difference
I still love you girl
You're my weakness
I looooooove this song
Mieka No comment yet

Maybe


So I like him
not sure if this is simply attraction or something more
not sure if it will last or end before it even starts
but I'm willing
willing to take his hand and follow where ever he leads

wait
as long as where he leads is where I'm willing to follow
if he understands my need for friendship without sex
my need for honesty even when the truth hurts
and my need for trust because if  I'm with him that is truly where I want to be

So I like him
the way he smiles at me when our eyes meet
the way my skin flushes red when he holds my hand
the way I feel like a preteen when hes near..
that first crush that made me giggle and stare

but wait
Lets not get carried away
I like him but this could be over tomorrow
not sure how he feels if this is real
but I'm willing to open my mind to the possibility
of... maybe
Mieka No comment yet

lil dude

Feeling so freakin good about myself today ..... I saw this lil dude today and.. yall he is just so freaking H-O-T to meeee. oh lol but anyway.. don't even ask me what happened with that lil bit cause I really just don't know .. he walked over to me asked for my number .. he thought I was H-O-T ..lol... but anyway we talked a few times and ... well ummm I don't know it just didn't go anywhere but he was looking so oooh wee today that I may have to give it another go.. think I'ma text him now and see if he has the same number ...ummm to text or not to text...
Now that I think about it ... he was not forward enough for me I'm use to guys who are all in my face making sure I know that they like me... and another thing that made me "loose" his number... I felt that he was not being honest with me...and I just don't deal with lies.  ummm I don't kno yall we will se what happens ...
Mieka No comment yet

Not drunk enough - Adele

 Yall this is so my song..take a minuet and listen to it and read the words ...I'm sure you will love it like I do...
Mieka No comment yet

My kind of man...cocky


I like cocky men. Men who walk into every room like they own that room. Nothing else then a confident man for me will do. One of my biggest pet peeves is an insecure man ... I mean hunni if you ain't got it then you betta fake it til you make it. That's really how I feel. I have never dated an insecure man for longer then a second ...well there was that one time... he lasted about two months before I told him it just wasn't working for me. I'm not mean yall. I'm just like many of you ..I know what I want ...and nothing else will do. I have dated men who were cocky about their face, their body... both lol... men who were cocky about their ummm yeah that lol, even men who were cocky about their intellect. The only cocky men I seem to have an issue with are the ones who seem to be a lil bit too much into the amount of money they make or how many cars they have... I always feel as if they see a for sale sign on me somewhere...and sorry hun there's not ...
I was kinda into this lil dude ..ummm not even a year ago...sooo freaking cute ...I mean I know I'm pretty but "is he talking to me" sexy lol.. when I tell you brother man had no confidence ... I mean it was crazy ...
I should mention that I don't mean over the top cocky but ... he just have an air of "I'm the man" surrounding him. oooooh yall that is so my kind of man.
Mieka No comment yet

....

and you pull me back in
every time I get away
there you go
saying those sweet things like you often do
making me forget your assholeish ways
your arrogant ways
and ... I ....remember

and here it comes
the tingles I used to feel
the catching of my breath
and the nervousness
just ...like ...before
wanting you
even though I shouldn't
I know I shouldn't
and yet I do

and then you smile
and I know
that I never stopped
couldn't have stopped
because it wouldn't happen this quickly
just like the first time

I saw you
you saw me
we ... became ...us
how?

should be done
want to be done
but.... you
..... make me ....smile
make me forget
just how bad it can  get
make me remember your kiss

and I'm back
with you
you pulled me in
Mieka 1 comment

Over it



ok bloggers not so mad at her today... still pissed about the b-day thing, but I realize that I should have said something. In fact there are a lot of times in my life when I should say something and stop being so afraid that those close to me will walk away... After all love is proved by actions and if they are there for me then I will know and theres no point in them even being apart of my life if they don't care. ... Another reason I'm letting go is b/c I do love my friend and I know she loves me. I don't think shes out to hurt me or anything like that. I just think that in a lot of ways her personality  is like mine. It takes a lot for my bestie to really talk to someone about the really important things and I know this... she is also very closed mouthed if anything more so then I am. She go though the same family drama I do (like most ppl) if not more and I think that when you come from that setting it makes it really hard to open up to someone and place your heart in their hands.
And like I said if I don't say anything how are you to know that your words or actions have hurt me?
I think that like me she keeps a lot of things close and since we're both like that it makes it really hard to be friends. But we have been doing it for years so something is going right.  I love her, shes there when I call and sometimes b4 I do, she makes me laugh though my tears...... shes my friend
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