Clothes On!!

... Can you ...Really?

In a resent conversation with my aunt about sex, something was said to me that I thought was just ... well profound lol... She said "Expose yourself to me without taking off your clothes" I love this statement...even told her I was going to take it lol.
In my personal opinion I feel that women often give up everything for men and get little in return if anything. Now I'm not trying to offend any men. but I really do feel that this is the truth of the matter. No I don't feel that all women are 'good" but I do think that we look at sex very different then men. Now I may have mentioned in a previous blog that sex has been a long time ago for me... I won't say how long but hey it's been a minute. :) I think that often women when sexual with men find that their heart is involved even if at first they didn't intend for it to go that far. I don't think this is the case for men, in fact I have been told by men that sex is just sex any number of times. In the John Legend song Number One feat. Kanye West, In West's verse he says "my heart don't got nothing to do with my penis" I think that alot of men feel this way, In fact I was actually told this my one of my exs after he admitted to me that he had cheated...(another blog). This could not be further from the truth for women has everything to do with their heart.... Don't believe me? In an ABC American Survey it is noted that only about 30% of women always have orgasms during sex and only 45% sometimes have them. Still think women are in it just for e sex. Almost half of all women in America who are having sex with their partners are unsatisfied when it comes to the sex in their relationships..yet they are still in their relationships.
I personally think that their is a lack of conversation. You need to feel comfortable enough with your mate to tell him what you like, and what it is that you are not getting.. if he's their for you, and love you then he cares. A friend of mine recently told me that she has never had an orgasm...she was with her last boyfriend for about five years me this speaks of lack of communication on her part or a lack of caring on his.
I think that the problem is that people often just jump into bed with out even knowing the person they are sleeping with. If you barely know his name how are you to feel comfortable telling him what it is that you like.
So the solution in my eyes is to keep them clothes ON!!! Just get to know him, laugh with him, and become friends. Stop being so afraid that he won't be there if you don't sex him ... if he goes away..well guess what he wasn't going to be around long anyway.

Still Fat... Still Pretty

Hello all!! Lately I have been bloging about weight and how much I have lost due to the issues that I had with my health this summer. Well I'm done telling you all the numbers, from now on I will just be letting you know if I am still losing or if I'm not. The reason I'm doing this is really just because I don't want anyone trying to figure out how much I used to weight.. I mean I am a big girl... :) but right now as confident as I am I am not in a place where I can tell everyone just how big I am .. or was. So no more numbers.. Just know that at this point I am still a Fat Girl. .... and still very much a Pretty Girl. ... and still loosing.
I don't want to be a 6 like Ms. Jennifer Hudson but hey I would love to be a ummm 12 maybe, I don't know yall. I have been a big girl all my life really.. I have no idea what I would look like at even a size 18..but I plan to see lol and when it happens I will be sure to put up some full body pics so you can to.
That brings me to something else ... the reason that I now don't have any full body pics is because I'm always using a cell to take the day yall I'ma get some camera shots on here.
Ok yall I know I have said this before but I am in love with my hair. I'm not sure that I would have liked it this much before the weight loss... but I so love the way it looks on me... I'm hoping that it grows fast so that I can so rock some more styles.. but believe me I will find a way to change even this I'm all about cute new, and different.


My grandmother
More beautiful then any other person to me .. inside and out

g-ma and the great-grands

As you can see in my family we come in all Colors lol

this is crazy

Ummm did I say 46lbs lost....lets change that to 52lbs lost ... this is crazy. I mean really this illness has been bad but freaking 52lbs ...Yall come on thats half of my lil cousin whos freakin like really. When I was in the hospital I told my aunt that "I'm sick of this, it's messing up my life" she said "what if its the start of your life and something good" she was right ...this is really good..
 "GOD I don't ever...EVER want to be sick like that again.... I'm just happy about the weight loss"

Not drunk enough - Adele

 Yall this is so my song..take a minuet and listen to it and read the words ...I'm sure you will love it like I do...

All the way Natural

Ok Bloggers I did it... and I so love it. All the way natural, I was so freaking scared but I am so happy I did this. This cut is Just for me, no one else just Pamieka. I think that often as black women we hide behind our hair... well guess what ... I don't have any to hide behind. In the words of Mary.."Take me as I am, or have nothing at all." As I said before I didn't start this journey because I wanted to be "less white" and "more black" I did this because I have been getting a perm for as long as I can remember and I just simply wanted to know what it was like ..and what my hair would look like without one.. So here I am World...What? lol Aren't I just beautiful. :) I am so loving me right now.
For the longest time I would not cut my hair... I just wouldn't. I live down south and the men here are hair crazy. I mean they want it to be down your back or you simply aren't good enough. I have a cousin who only wants to dates light skinned long haired girls..and the crazy thing is I think hes into dark skinned it's crazy how many people are like this in our race. I'm so happy to be apart of this natural movement that seems to be taking over the world. " Hey Naturals you are Beautiful and I for one love you for being You."


ok bloggers my last few post have been all about being married and unhappy and married and cheating just to clear the air...I'm not involved with anyone married lol...not my thing. I need to be your only...hey I deserve it, after all I'm just to fly for stupidity. And I do think its stupid to date...or rather sleep with anyone who is already not just simply involved with someone else but married to them. A friend of mine is doing the do with a married man ..and shes just all like..."he make me feel so oooh ....." He so good to me" ..' he this ....he that" and I'm just like sista girl wake up and drink the freaking coffee.. stop being crazy, you gone get hurt. Been there done that myself, been real stupid, but thats for another blog.

happily married?

I so wish I could love this lil dude I so do.
ever met someone who should have been right but for whatever reason just wasn't...thats how this is. I want to be in F the world love.. I'm with you, you're with me, and we're happy kind of love...I'm not sure if many people find that ...I mentioned it b4 but I really don't know many happily marred people..but I know ALOT of married people. Life can take you through some strange things, and some crazy places BUT you should never stay somewhere thats unhappy for you. WHY would you? I personlly don't believe in divorce ... I think you should work it out... have some staying power... sit back and remember what it was that made you fall for him/her. The problem is that I think people are getting married ...just b/c. I can't see myself staying somewhere forever when its just not right.
can I love you
simply you?
wrap myself up in you
breath you in *inhale*
put my arms around you as you hold me
...just hold me
no words are needed
just closeness
no sound


... but ...but he said he loved me
looked me in the eyes and told me so
sent me cards and flowers with the words written me
Laid beside me and told me so
loved my body and then said the words
and even though have she
you really want me
I'm special
I'm for you
we've never shared a sunrise
but we've seen the moon countless times me
kissed me oh so sweetly on you way out the door
... and told me so
you...need me
I make you happy
...the way she doesn't
You're going to be just mine soon
.... you told me
looked me in the eyes, gently touched me
...said you loved me
it wasn't all a lie
couldn't all be a lie
... not to me
just to her me

..and he's married/stupid

I wont lie I kinda... ummm love it when he whispers in my ear
and on those rainy nights ... when lighting is rolling across the sky
his body ignites flames within me
\and his arms comforts me
His voice yall...ooohum his voice
my body warms when he speaks
he is...not mine
He belongs to she
and on most nights its her he lay with
but he loves me
told me he loved me
looked in my eyes sincerely and said the words
he opens my door, send me flowers
and every night b4 bed he calls
...well except those night when
he has she
But he loves me
ran his hands down my face oh so gently
and he said the words to me
His smile makes me smile
and when he grabs my hand
and pull my close... girrrrrl
but he's not ....mine
I'm not number 1 or even number 2
But he loves me he told me so
calls me on the phone just to tell me so
he has she but maybe not for long
I hope ...not... for long
told me he loves me more
wants me more
he's gon be with me see he loves me.

11lbs more.... 46lbs total

OMG so I just got off the scale...and what do I find... I have lost 11 more pounds... that's 46lbs total people..thats right 46 pounds lost. Its 2am and I so need to be asleep but since I'm not I said why not check and see what this thing says..... Ok now yall this illness has laid me low, I mean sicker then a dog, wouldn't want to EVER do it again but OMG 46lbs ....if you're not fat you just don't even know.... I have now officially lost more weight then I ever have in my life ... and that life has been spent with many fat hang ups, stupid non-fat people...and fat people insults, family jokes, and simply days spent trying to loose the weight... Really ppl if I don't keep this off and do right PLEASE come hit me.

guess what?

Yall are so not going to believe this lil bit.... So I just got out of the hospital AGAIN...4TH TIME IN ... this has been so crazy whatever you do people do not let your appendix rupture.I have spent the whole freaking summer in the hospital.... I was upset until I realized how blessed I am to be alive right now...almost left here ...not once but twice... ... anyway I feel that this is over and I'm so ready to get back to MY LIFE... Feeling so good about Me right now really. Excited about what that next days will bring .... Lets Get It!!!


this hair is so not working for me right now...guess I need a new cut...there really is not that much left to cut offf...oh well

My kind of man...

I only date men who are...totally...completely into me. I mean he loves the way I look and when I'm in his presence he can't stop looking. Theses are the kind of men that I like to date. Now I will say that I have dated a guy who asked me if I had thought about losing weight...hello dude I'm fat in a skinny But even he thought I was one of the most beautiful ladies that he had seen...or so he said lol..and since even after I told him it wasn't going to work he kept calling....very persistent... I take it that he was serious. I like men who enjoy who I am, and of course personality and all that is important but lets be real when he walks up to you personality is not what you see.. You see his appearance and he see yours ...there is nothing else in the 5 to 15min it takes for him to get your number..he saw you, liked the way you looked, walked over saw him said to yourself  "he's cute" and numbers were given.. thats it.  I've dated guys who were into my smile, my eyes, my thighs, my breasts... I mean there was always something about ME that made him say..."Hey." I'm very old school... I'm not the kind of lady whos going to walk up to a man .... no... never that. he has to do the walking ..its 2010 I know but hey thats me.
I have a friend who has no issue with walking up to the guy...and her story may not be yours, but it seems like they are always 1 up on her and are forever taking her for granted ...I mean maybe they see it as knowing she want them and therefore isn't going anywhere ...I don't know but I like to be the one who's 1 up in love.
In a recent conversation with my cousin about my love life I was told that its always good for him to like you more then you like him. That has been the story of my last few relationships ...and to tell you the truth ppl it's not working for me. I just can not stand to be in a relationship with someone whom I have luke-warm feelings about just doesn't work for me. I don't want to marry and spend my life with someone who I only kinda like... someone I learned to love...
I want to meet this man ...confident man... knock him off his feet and at the same time be swept off mine.

My kind of man...cocky

I like cocky men. Men who walk into every room like they own that room. Nothing else then a confident man for me will do. One of my biggest pet peeves is an insecure man ... I mean hunni if you ain't got it then you betta fake it til you make it. That's really how I feel. I have never dated an insecure man for longer then a second ...well there was that one time... he lasted about two months before I told him it just wasn't working for me. I'm not mean yall. I'm just like many of you ..I know what I want ...and nothing else will do. I have dated men who were cocky about their face, their body... both lol... men who were cocky about their ummm yeah that lol, even men who were cocky about their intellect. The only cocky men I seem to have an issue with are the ones who seem to be a lil bit too much into the amount of money they make or how many cars they have... I always feel as if they see a for sale sign on me somewhere...and sorry hun there's not ...
I was kinda into this lil dude ..ummm not even a year ago...sooo freaking cute ...I mean I know I'm pretty but "is he talking to me" sexy lol.. when I tell you brother man had no confidence ... I mean it was crazy ...
I should mention that I don't mean over the top cocky but ... he just have an air of "I'm the man" surrounding him. oooooh yall that is so my kind of man.

3lbs more

Last night I had all these ideas about things I wanted to blog about but the only thing that comes to mind right now is that I have lost 3 more pounds ..thats right ppl ...Crazy right? but then if yall only knew how much this appendectomy has affected me ...I'm so ready to be done with the pain... but b/c of it I'm eatting almost nothing.  I mean come on I need to go back to work ...Bills wait on no man... or woman for that matter.
Early this week I was talking to my aunt...thats my life saving aunt...if it wasn't for her coming all the way to my city from hers and taking me to the hospital ... well ppl lets just say no more Ms.Mieka... Well anyway I told her that this whole experience is just messing up my life... Her reply was that this experience could possibly change my life ... for the best .. and be the start of something awesome..And you know what ppl I think shes right. So far I have lost 35lbs thats almost more then I have ever lost while trying to lose weight and believe me it took lots longer. If I gain this weight back for any reason I'm going to need one of you to come slap me ...thats right just come on down and lay me out ...real talk...
 I will keep you posted on how this goes wish me luck... As someone who have ALWAYS been fat....Always ... loosing the weight is just not easy for me...My aunt ...yes same one... made a comment about that ...she said that its very hard to envision what has never been or what you have never seen therefore making the dream harder to obtain ... So this won't be easy for me ... fat is all I have been ... not that I want to be skinny...just less fat : )