I am so happy to be back in school, I feel .... like I'm finally on track. When I look around at all my friends and where life has taken them .... well to be honest I have been feeling a little left out. For the last three years my friends have been getting married, having babies, getting there degrees, moving to different states, and getting there own places, and yet here I am doing none of those things and feeling much like I did at eighteen...wanting to be out and about but feeling empty.... helpless. Only I'm not eighteen anymore, and eight years has passed since I was. I'm not the type of person who doesn't take responsibility for my own actions. I realize that in this life we all must make our own choices and our own way, I've just been so slow to make my dreams come true.

When I think back to when I first started college six years ago I remember being optimistic and so hopeful for what my tomorrows would bring. I don't regret a second of those first years....wait I guess if I could go back I would study more ..lol.. But as I told you in a previous blog I gained some wonderful friends.... and I had some fun times with them. But in the mist of all the good times there were some pretty bad ones too. Heartbreak, Death, Sickness, and depression...but that's all for another blog.

I really do feel like this is my time to do me, and believe me when I say I will be doing me. I feel relieved, happy, free, and so freaking scared that I sometimes have to stop and take a deep breath. lol I'm trying not to wait for something bad to happen but its so hard for me to just ..... live without fear. I almost feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I pray daily for nothing to happen to my car... and as days pass I find myself worried about my grandma more and more. Some people might find that crazy but a few years ago I lost my brother without warning and right after that my uncle. I'm trying to just relax and go with the flow of things but to be honest I don't know the last time I just went with the flow. Right now everything is going really well for me I just really wish I could simply relax a little.