Mieka 1 comment

Joy


I'm a little crazy today bloggers.. I don't know. I feel happy and sad all at once. I guess its an emotional day for me. So much that I have overcame and yet here I am blessed and alive and you know what regardless of all that has passed and all that is gone I am still here able to be happy for yet another day. Today I thank GOD for every single thing that makes me.. me. No I don't have the best of everything and No I have not gotten to where I want to be in life but guess what? I live and I have another opportunity to make it right. GOD is so Awesome. When I think of all the time I spent in confusion and anger when my brother passed and the amount of understanding I have now... I tell you bloggers it is a long way that I have come.. still a long way to go :) but I understand that it was a blessing to have him for just one day. I understand that all things including life only last for a season.
Anyway bloggers I don't know I sometimes go to another place and I just feel Joy in all that I have been through and all that is just good in my life. I'm so happy that I am me.. and yeah I know that I often say that but the thing is that their are so many unhappy people walking around here and so many bitter people who don't seem to realize that happiness is just  a choice away. I'm just glad that I do realize it.
Mieka 1 comment

Cameron "Cam" Jerrell Newton

I'm not at all a football fan. I could care less about Alabama vs. Auburn and who is going to win BUT hunni Mr. Cam Newton 6'6, 250lbs is so fine that I am willing to cheer for Auburn for the rest of my life





look at that smile...skin... eyes..legs...hunni just look at him and tell me this is not a super sexy guy.
Mieka No comment yet

...Pretty fat chicks..

I found this post online at http://caloriecount.com/ and wanted to share it.

jennicourtfarm
This is just a gripe session, but it sort of relates to another thread about being ugly.
My gripe is, I am still, after almost two weeks of dieting and watching every calorie, 205 pounds on a 5'6" body. Ok. I went through the whole 'body acceptance' and 'be happy first, then lose weight' deal. I bought size 20 clothes from Lane Bryant (supposedly fashion conscious and chic), got my haircut, revamped my makeup routine and did everything possible to feel somewhat attractive at my current weight.

But it never fails that I run in to some 300 pound woman who's got heads turning in the supermarket. Not because she is huge, but because she is beautiful. These women emanate grace, beauty, sexuality. It isn't just me noticing. I can be out with my skinny friends who are no less attractive, according to my perception, yet we often get 'upstaged' by these truly big beauties that work a crowd like Marylin Monroe.

What is the freakin deal? I can't get a look at 200 pounds and size 20. I can't get a look at 150 pounds and size 14. Yet, I am plagued my the fact that there are women who wake up in the morning, ignore the scale, climb in to their size 28 jeans and take on the world!

Does that bother anyone else?
taken from- http://caloriecount.about.com/pretty-fat-chicks-cant-win-ft16072
It is so important to have confidence in yourself and to believe that you are pretty ... everyone has issues just b/c you can't see them don't mean that they are all good with who they are... I think people should concentrate on themselves and their own happiness
Mieka 1 comment

Fat

Last night after class I was talking to a classmate of mine, and I don't remember what we were talking about but I made a comment about me being fat. She said "don't be negative about yourself" I told her that I wasn't and went on to tell her how I feel about the word fat. Fat is often times used as an insult but in my world its just a fact. I have been fat all my life, it's just one thing about me. I told her that saying I'm fat is the same as saying I'm Black... again just some basic facts about who I am. I went on to tell her that I am a confident, beautiful, intelligent woman and adding the word fat to that group of words did not take from all the good things about me.
Guess what bloggers I'm fat, lol but then you know that by the pictures huh? :) If you have read any of my past blogs then you know that I have been fighting a battle with this 'fat' all my life, so saying I'm FAT does not bother me. This has been me forever, it would be crazy of me to have a problem with using that word after all I have no issue at all with any of the other words used to describe me ..pretty,cute, tall, nice, mean, fun, lame, shy and yeah fat. I am who I am and thats it.
Again I am not saying being fat is all good lol in fact I have written about how hard it was for me growing up as a fat little girl and how hard it is today living as a fat Lady BUT like I always say happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy
Mieka 6 comments

pms


Feeling crazy insecure today which means I'm damn lucky that I got these micros in... otherwise my hair would turn out to be some crazy color by the end of the day.. or I would be saying good-bye to natural and hello to a perm and a cute lil cut and still even than, some color. .. Pms is  bad for my hair.
I promise yall my jr. and sr. year of high school my hair color changed bout every week.. I even did this  crazy awful orange color right after high school that I didn't let anyone see but my grandmother..omg it was so ugly!  luckily I still had hair, unfortunately not even a year after that I went blond and this time the hair did come out. I remember standing in my bathroom mirror running a comb through my hair with tears running down my face b/c my hair was just falling out. After that you would think that I would leave the color alone but a year ago I let my best friend take me to pink.
 I'm on the last legs of my period and the last day is always my cry day... but this has been a crazy few months for me.  I'm just in that mood. Maybe I'll go get my nails done, maybe fire engine red or sunny yellow or even better a ray of colours. ummm I don't know but I so don't need any clothes right now (or can afford to buy them 4real with Christmas so close and a nephew I like to buy for). I normally do something really crazy to my hair but since these $200 micros are only a few weeks old..thats out..thank GOD! * :) .... ... Pms is really bad for my hair..somethimes cute... but still bad
insecure- not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious
Mieka 1 comment

.

I refuse to love you... I don't want to love you.....
I ..think I.. I. love you
Mieka No comment yet

...

my heart pounds..the beats so loud I'm almost sure they can hear
my mind is filled to overflowing with ...everything
my eyes are closed.. hoping that I can shut out the reality of whats being said
hoping that when I open them today will be yesterday and that tomorrow never comes
and although I'm not at my end ever moment spent with you flash across my closed eyelids
every moment spent without you
this is not real... it can't be real when I open my eyes it will all be fine
you'll be here laughing talking about something random the way you do
* 1.... 2....3.. I'm going to open my eyes now
none of this ever happened... just like one of the books I read
their will be a happy ending for me
they're still here..why are they still hear
saying the same thing... why are their words the same
I can't breath, their is no air...panting for air.. I scream
none of this they hear none of this they see
I stand there calm tears slowly falling down my face
but in my head I've lost it
I just had a mental break down and where
roses used to be red they are now black and
the sky is now gray the sun blocked
life just changed for me..
Forever
Mieka No comment yet

Day...ummmm lol

ok so I have so not been bloging everyday ... I could say I have just gotten cought up with school but the truth of the mtter is that I have had very little to say... and the topics I missed... well they were no big deal
 SO day 17..18 19..20? Why do you blog?
I blog because... writing is what I do. I don't always spell correctly or use periods but still.... writing is what I do. I write what I can't say .. what I can't express any other way. I don't write blogs because I need people to read. No, I write them because I need to write.
Mieka No comment yet

...

I hate words that mean nothing so instead of talking to you I'll be silent that way I won't have to hear the lies you'll tell.
Mieka No comment yet

Day...16? Question

I believe that if you want something bad enough than you go get it, or you do it. I have always believed that. The problem is .. where does the motivation come from. When you're in a dark, deep hole and the walls are closing in, and you know what you NEED to do... how to you push yourself to do it?

I know this question sounds like I'm in a bad place right now but I'm not, and that's why I can ask this question. I just simply want to understand how some people can keep fighting even when the world has knocked them down repeatedly and some people just stop at the first sign of trouble.
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