I never believed that you could really be lonely in a crowd, but here I am
surrounded by many and yet so alone. Missing what life use to be and trying to find my happiness. Searching it seems in all the wrong places. It's always dark, where is the light? Sometimes I reach out for it only to have it shimmer into nothingness...I'm not weak I am strong but as days pass without change I find my strength receding.. always less then the day before. I'm not one of the many who can't hope for the best, but as days turn into weeks and weeks into months and everyday seems the same I loose a little more. I don't know the last time I smiled a real smile, don't know the last time I didn't hide behind fake words and untrue laughs. I can't seem to escape this darkness. Each day I try and each night I find that it has only become darker, this hole void of brightness deeper. I'm screaming for help on the inside but so much of me won't allow those screams to become anything more then just whispers only I can hear. I'm not sure if I know how to take down these shields remove this mask. It's been so much apart of me these last few years that it's becoming .....me. I'm sick of this, need more then this. I..... need .....light.