miss him
Is it OK that I still miss him?Sometimes I pick up the phone to call him and then I remember why I can't.
He no longer lives alone, he has a wife two kids that were suppose to be mine....
and a life that I'm not in.
I don't love him anymore,
I don't I really, really don't....
I've said those words so many times that I'm not sure if I'm tryin' to convince those around me or myself.
I should have moved on by now it's been years ...
well it was 'pose to be years
only he kept calling and I kept going until I was the one calling
and days became months and months became years of sex with no commitment,
years of sex with a man who wasn't mine in public anymore....
only mine in hotels...motels and sometimes at his house when she wasn't around......
I can picture the looks on your faces...
looks of scorn...and I can almost hear the thoughts in your minds that are becoming whispers that are not so soft
"Whore"
"Slut"......
but I should tell you something else first before you continue to judge me.
He was mine first..... My first love, my first lover,
MY....My....my...
He was mine first,
and she was the whore... she was the one in hotels and motels and places unseen...
she was the one who was the other woman..
the one who didn't care that he had me...
before you start to cry out my name in disgust,
know that it was her who messed up my happily ever after first.
her who first did the wrong..does that make it OK?
No..but it should help you understand.
The pain that I have caused her is so much like what she caused me....
so am I sorry in that regard NO...
but I am sorry that I spent so much time on a man I can never have for all to see,
Sorry that I spent so much time in hotels, motels instead of home with a man who loved me,
And sorry that I spent so much of my time writing poems like this one that are not really poems at all but letters to him.
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