..On happiness

I think that often people...fat people have the belief that skinny means happy. They don't seem to realize that happy is a state of mind and not a state of size. There are fat people who spend their whole life thinking " if only I was smaller I would be happier". This is just simply not true. Happiness is something that comes from the inside. Their are hundreds...millions of people out there who are not fat and yet still unhappy. Happy is not having tons of money, the right house or car. Happy is not the number of friends you have or the outings you go on. Happiness is not being pretty. And happy is most certainly not ........ being .......... thin.
I like writing about being fat because... well I'm fat. Fat is not all I am it's just happen to be a factor in my appearance. But often when I meet people for the first time they come to conclusions about who I am before I even speak because of my size. People often treat people of a different race or culture different then they do their own race. The same can be said for fat people, only people often don't realize that they do it. People have a tendency to believe that fat people are weaker mentally then thin people or that they are lazy. These things are just not true. Everyone have their issues, just because you can see mine does not give you the right to judge me. I would never tell anyone that I have no plans to loose weight or that I don't want to loose weight. I would not be being honest if I said that. I'm in fact trying to loose right now lol, Seems like I'm always trying. But their is so much of me that is happy that I started off this life being just who I am fat and all.
I'm a pretty girl :) I'm not arrogant I'm just being honest. Growing up their was always someone saying "oooohhh she so pretty to be so fat". I can't really remember a time when someone would just said "she's pretty" without saying anything about my size. Sometimes it sounded as if they hated to even admit that I was pretty because of my size. I don't think that people realize that the complement no longer matters when something that can be viewed as an insult follows it. For my sister it was always " shes pretty to be so dark" no one would ever say the first without saying the last for either of us. That always made me feel really sorry for the dark skinned fat girls because I was sure that if my sister and I only got compliments that was followed by insults that they received no compliments at all. And even now I'm not sure which I would prefer, half compliments or none at all.
I learned early on not to base my happiness on what other people think about me ... after all I already spend too much time on my own negative thoughts about my weight and/or my other faults to really take into consideration all the insults others pitch my way. Unfortunately the same can not be said about my sister and a few close friends of mines. It seems that they are always overly concerned with everything that others have to say about them. One of my friends don't even know how to receive a compliment, after its given she spends what seems like hours trying to figure out if it was really sincere (which is very annoying). I try not to be that way. I realize that if you don't like you then you leave a lot of room for the rest of the world to walk all over you. It's almost impossible for others to love and accept you when they are constantly having to repeat themselves and prove they are sincere when you don't like yourself.

Life is what you make it, and happiness is a choice. Don't let other people make a choice about your life... you decide. I hope you choose to be happy it's not always easy BUT it is always a choice.