Its been a while since I wrote something..and no not a blog... I'm a poet... a lovely poet  THE lovlipoet  lol but it's beena while. I don't do political crap offence it's just not me ... I do love.. I write love... etc. I hate love, I love love, I want love type of stuff. but it's been a while since I hated love and even longer since I loved love and I'm sick of writing I want love... and right now I'm not even sure how I feel about love. I think I've lost hope in love. not the hope that I will find it but just simply hope in love. I've always been a girlly girl who loved the Disney fairy tales and the idea of the white picket fence two car household and 5.2 kids.. thats always been me but I'm not sure how I feel about love anymore. Do I want a husband? ...Kids? yeah but I'm not sure if its because it's the natural next step or if I just reallllly want that for me. I look at my bestie and my sister with their kids and I know that I want babies ..and someone there to help me rise them...but I'm not sure if I believe in happily ever afters anymore if life has taught me anything its that nothing last 4ever ...things end...people ....end... and happiness is not a certainty. I've been in romantic love and let me tell you the pain when it fell though was more real then the love.
 I have been on both sides of the fence: in love with someone who cared less then two pennies about me/ and not in love with someone who was in love with me. Love is, like everything else in the world not fair. Love is not a guarantee... just because you give it out doesn't mean it will return to you. I'm not afraid of love nor the pain it can cause. I'm afraid that I won't truly find it, Scared that since I'm unwilling to settle for anything less then whats right for me that I won't find my love... and what if I find it but it's not real love. So many people  find themselves married for just the sake of marriage and a few years in they're unhappy but they don't want to leave b/c they like saying "I'm married" it's like this big accomplishment. I know maybe 2 people who are still happy in their vows and 1 of them I think is pretending ... Chris Rock said "You can be married and bored, or single and lonely" but it looks like to me you can be single and lonely or married and unhappy...but I guess if you're lonely you're not exactly happy huh... lose/lose what you think? I'm not bitter... not mad.... not sad...just real. I love love. that new love, hold his hand, get flowers just because, he makes you laugh, he can't stop looking at you kind of LOVE... but most people don't hold on to that. So after you have had the wedding and the kids ...whats the next step.. since for most people happily ever after includes more then being happy?

1 comment

Anonymous | May 16, 2010 at 11:27 PM

After the wedding and the kids come...if you're lucky a more mature love. It's better but it's something you have to work for and earn, alas, not too many people can do this, including me, but I have been to the mountain top and have seen the promises land.

Great blog as always.